it's a new dawn, it's a new day ..........it dating thread 36!

[lulubellaboozle]

Post away daters x

Thing is, i dont supose she expected to have a good date... and wasnt it a last min thing anyway?

Its how life is sometimes, busy. I dont expect many women sit down with a plan to start dating, look at what they can have in terms of sitters, sigh, and then give up when they realise they have not much help... and vow to be single, buy more cats and shares in ann summers....
i expect most people sign up on a whim, deciding to give it a go, what the heck... and get chatting, decide to meet ( or not) and just go from there...

her situation is as is. If you cant work around it, then maybe its best to leave it for someone who can, because, its not going to change, is it.

Like me with the pirate, the week before i dumped him, i was going to dump him for lack of time. i want to date someone i can see more than once every three weeks. He couldnt offer that, and so, as much as we had in common, he wasnt for me.

its as simple as that.

nomore it is absolutely correct that you get no official say in what your ex does with the DC when they are not with you, but I totally understand your concerns as it seems to be all about him and not the DC. It is for his and OW benefit to play happy families somehow and if he were thinking about the DC he would not be doing it now when they already have so much change. I also think 3 months is too soon generally, but depends of course on the situation/set up. This kind of thing should be discussed with the other parent, not always going to happen sadly.

Ike why is someone pestering you to get tickets sorted? You know the answer to any of that, suggest he does it.

Ike - Enjoy the film, make sure TR buys you a fancy ice cream as compensation for being irritating.

Sod the ice cream - make sure it's a knickerbocker glory complete with choccy sauce, raspberry sauce, chopped nuts and a maraschino cherry or two.

You could maybe even go at it in a 'Coke on the Cock' stylee.............or not.

Hello all

Just popped by to say date last night was ok-ish. Trendy bar in Shoreditch, nervous guy (older then I'm used to) but very nice and seemingly genuine. No spark though (even after 3 glasses of wine I couldn't imagine wanting to kiss him) but he's keen on date 2.

There are other options though, such as the message I just received via Match:
hi my name is floyd.ar you looking for someone lick me ok,...x

I'll file him with the guy earlier who described himself as inteligent

My son gave me a lipstick earlier which he'd found in his dad's car and asked if it were mine. Errr no. And STBEx is still denying that he's seeing anyone. Twatbandit.

Ike if you follow FPs stylee make sure you have sherbet sprinkles on top

watch - all true, maybe she was just dipping her toe and didn't realise how amazing I'd be :)

But as I know this forum is read by lots of people who may be thinking about dating but are nervous, I just thought I'd put it out there - while decent men are perfectly understanding about childcare, especially if they have DC of their own, it's like anything else - it takes effort and commitment if it's going to have any chance of success - and even then it may not work. It's like starting a new job at the same time, or moving house at the same time as having a baby or starting a job. It's a drain on time, money, energy, attention, and if possible just try and do it when you can focus on it if you don't want it all going wrong.

smoothie I like 'twatbandit'.. Can I use it in the future? I'm sure I'm going to be asked to teach young Hungarians to swear in English

maybe she was just dipping her toe and didn't realise how amazing I'd be

Bant, Faint heart never won fair lady.

But Bant, why can't you use babysitters too? Would give a lot more opportunities to meet up ...

bant, pah. I can start a new job, and date, and move house and etc, etc....

I always think, if i want to see someone, there are ways i can. If im not fussed, ill put things in the way.

I think its unfair to say to women ' unless you are committed to dating, dont even start' which is sort of what you are saying. Mostly its women who have the children for most of the time, who are stuck with lack of childcare and obviously put the child first. To sort of suggest they should stay single, because they dont have enough evening time to date people is a little on the harsh side i think.

there is day time coffee dates, surely the child goes to nursery, if its a toddler, so, 2.5 hours to meet there. Or lunch, maybe a friend could have the child for an afternoon or a few hours. You have to get creative with your time and think of a date as something other than just an evening activity involving a meal and/ or drinks.

I'm going to be asked to teach young Hungarians to swear in English

In that case may I suggest you arm yourself with a copy of 'Trainspotting' ? No-one can swear quite like us Scots - pure vowels and dipthongs and rolling 'r's'.....whae's like us ?

Please be my guest Bant

I left my DC (14 and 12) alone for 3 hours from 6pm yesterday for the first time ever so I could go on my date, along with strict instructions on how to cook dinner and it was a great success. I'm going to save a bleedin' fortune on babysitters! Although thinking about it, I spent £30 on an xBox game to keep them occupied in my absence. So that's bollocks.

Smoothie what a catch! an inteligent man, lets hope he's bright enough to find the missing letter! I like 'twatbandit' too and I know just the man to use it on , he's a STBXH too, funny that!

well it is over - he loves me but is not in love with me, however I am gorgeous, funny, lovely and one of the kindest people he has ever met!! Yes, that's why he doesn't want to go out with me.
It was the mention of a holiday that made him think about the future - not one that had me in unfortunately.

Bant I'm probably guilty of what you're talking about - but it's very hard. I have no family or friends who can babysit. It's tricky to use babysitters as my son's autistic (plus the cost would rule using them out too often). So apart from the one day/night a week when my son's dad has him, I can't go out. And I can't see this situation changing for some time.

I totally understand how frustrating it is for you, but I also think it's unfair that because I have no childcare and a son who's autistic, I shouldn't be allowed to date.

Fwiw, I'm trying very hard to find enough time to spend with Mr C, and it IS hard, I won't deny that. But I think with a bit of give and take on both sides, it can work.

bant - western has a point. If you refuse to use babysitters, why should the woman have to?

Essentially you are saying if someone cant see you when you are free, then she shouldnt say she wants to date

smoothie, fab!!! thats all rather excellent.

libby, bless you. I think its the same for lots of us. And it is wholly unfair to say unless we have lots of free time, we shouldnt even think about dating.

especially if all the babysitting burden is placed on one party, because the other party doesnt want to use them in their time

Its give and take, and compromise all the way. dating with children is more difficult for all involved, both sides need to be flexiable. Not just the woman.

Flo, the Scots are my absolute favourite swearers, I have a Scottish boss, really quite senior, she once answered the phone as she walked through the department -very reasonable, very professional,
'Aha'
'Yes, I can see that's very difficult'
'Aha, yes'
'I'll look into that for you'
'Yes, yes, I know'
'I'll make sure we get back to you'
She put the phone down, then goes
' Oh FUCK OFFFFFFFFF' with such venom, it still makes me laugh even now.

I can say 'dick head' in Arabic.

Snail - I'm not saying she shouldn't be allowed to date at all - I'm just saying that it's going to reduce the chance of success. As far as my situation goes, luckily (so far) there hasn't been a time when I couldn't make it to a date because of my DC - but then I only have them half the time, most mums are more than that of course.

And it was a rant - I apologised for ranting, I was just frustrated that I can't seem to get to date 2 with someone who's lovely because she can't get childcare as she's used it all up. Sorry everyone. I've driven hours for dates, I've stayed over in hotels for the chance of a coffee with someone, and I can't get the second date with someone I really like because she's not free for weeks.

And if she was free on the nights I had my DC, I'd rearrange or sort something out, as I do have favours owed and babysitters I know. It's just a confluence of circumstances I guess.

Scooby bless you! it's always shitty to hear what a great person you are as part of an "it's over" conversation - as you say, yes, that's why you don't want to go out with me. Even more of a shock when you think things have been going well. I guess none of us can ever really know what goes on in someone elses head. Look after yourself Sweetie

and Libby - again, I'm not meaning to get at anyone - as I said in my first post I know it's difficult - for you more than many people. And I think for the girl I'm seeing it's also starting the new job and it being just after christmas when all favours have been called in.

My point wasn't that you shouldn't date unless you had lots of time free - it was that what time you'd normally have free should be potentially free, you shouldn't have called in all your favours and babysitters already - and then start dating.

There is a bit more to it than just introducing the ow but can't really put it on here but it is bad. Really bad. Makes me questions his responsibility towards the kids big time! But I know he can introduce them but just not just yet. It is a bad week for them with me going back to work and after hom not seeing them for quite a while.

ah, so you were directing your frustration at ALL women.
i see.

Look, you like her, shes not free, its not sometihng she can change. You have two choices, wait, and stop getting fucked off. or leave it.
Its not going to change between dates 2 and 3, or even 3 and 4.
it is what it is
What you have to decide, is if its right for you.

We have all met people who we have liked, who, for some reason, it wasnt the right time for. We have all driven/ travelled further than we wanted too for dates, and sure as hell we have probably spent more money than we should ( reminded of date that cost me in the region of £400)

its the nature of internet dating.
Its not just as simple as meeting someone with a spark, and it having to be mutual, its also about cirumstances matching up... or at least being able to find something that works.

Scooby that is crap, huge hugs to you x

Scooby that sucks, so sorry. I've heard that one before in the past and it's infuriatingly crap!

Sorry Bant me dear you don't have a leg to stand on with that one. it won't be long til she has parents around and more favours to call in, plus there's potentially the lunchtime type date option.