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Original poster

would you date a transgendered man?

480 replies

ecofreeek · 10/01/2013 19:02

I am in my late 30's and single (divorced). Recently though work I met a man who seemed really nice. We flirted a bit and last weekend he asked me out for a drink. It went really well, nice snog! and we arranged to meet for dinner this week

At dinner he told me that basically he used to be a woman. He has had testosterone treatment for many years and both breasts removed and a hysterectomy. But not the surgery that makes a penis...

I really like him. But I'm a bit freaked out. I guess that's why he told me 'early' in our dating... I dont want any more children s thats not an issue... its the whole man thing - he looks like a man, acts like a man and I would never have guessed that biologically he is not a male...

the sex thing ....

would you date a transgendered man >?

OP posts:
PretzelTime · 10/01/2013 21:21

No, I'm attracted to males only.
But it's up to you OP who you want to date/are attracted too.

Brightonite · 10/01/2013 21:29

I think i would carry on with the relationship as the spark is there and you were attracted to him as a person. Good luck to you both .

crazyhead · 10/01/2013 21:37

Call me shallow, but at this stage i'd base it on whether i still fancied shagging this person given the info.
Go with your loins, don't overthink it.

Lueji · 10/01/2013 21:51

Are his friends & family aware of his situation?

Sorry, but how can his family not be aware??? :o
And most friends, I guess.

It's one of those questions we can't really answer unless we are there.

I think I'd give it a go and then see how it felt.
I'm definitely with Gold. Much better than a twat.

I presume he will complete the transformation.
Transgender people are trapped in the wrong body type, basically. This man is a man, but until recently with a female body.

If you are attracted to him, then why not?

GrannyRatOnAScooter · 10/01/2013 21:54

Personally, I don't think I'd be able to pursue the relationship. I am hetrosexual and would only want to be with a man. I think I'd really struggle with the fact that he'd allowed us to get close to the point of kissing without being honest about his transition.

I wish you both the best of luck, OP.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 10/01/2013 22:19

If people don't like being called bigots, they should stop acting like bigots. Let's try one more time to make it clear: Some people would not date outside their own ethnic group. They do not find members of other ethnic groups sexually attractive. So far, so nobody else's business. However, people saying 'I wouldn't date a...' and then using an offensive, derogatory term for members of that ethnic group, or saying that members of the group are all thieves, or smell funny, or have specific hideous sexual practices would be bigoted. So, to recap, if you feel that you, yourself, would not be happy having a sexual relationship with a transperson (or you wet your bed at any implication that you could possibly be anything other than 100% heterosexual) then that's your business. But calling transpeople 'mutilated' or referring to them by the wrong gender just to emphasise that you don't consider them 'real' people is the bigotry that some of you are getting called on.

PretzelTime · 10/01/2013 22:23

There is a difference between not being attracted to trans people and not consider them real people Confused

deleted203 · 10/01/2013 22:27

No, I couldn't. I like a man with a cock and this would feel a bit weird and freaky. Which wouldn't be a turn on.

Portofino · 10/01/2013 22:29

I would not say I am a bigot at all, nor would I says that trans people are not real people. I would say that I am not strong enough as a person to deal with all of that, that my inherent belief is that is the construct of gender in society that is wrong. I would totally accept a transgendered person into my life. I am not at all sure that i would be prepared to enter into a sexual relationship. If that makes me a bigot, or a coward, or whatever....

AnnieLobeseder · 10/01/2013 22:31
Greensleeves · 10/01/2013 22:31

but there is only one post on this thread that qualifies as bigoted then Confused

nobody else has said "mutilated" or "all transgendered people are "

so who are you calling a bigot exactly?

The way your posts read to me, you would actually really like to say that simply being heterosexual is bigoted, but you know that would make you look like a twat.

PretzelTime · 10/01/2013 22:32

I get what you are saying btw Solid, derogatory terms are not okay.
However, there is a difference between someone who is a certain ethnicity and someone who has done surgery to their body and genitals in order to pass as the opposite sex. It's a sensitive issue esp when it comes to sexual relationships. Some see it as no prob and that's fine too. It's also fine to be het and gay, not everyone can be bi.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 10/01/2013 22:37

I feel that if I am honest with myself about it, I would happily be friends but it would put the kybosh on any sexual relationship.

I know of 4 transgendered people they are all so much happier and more confident in their own skin now they have made the change. (all male to female)

AnnieLobeseder · 10/01/2013 22:42

I share similar views to portofino. I hate that society puts so much emphasis on gender. I wish we could just be people without every little tiny fucking thing, right down to those stupid "women's pens" that Bic brought out recently, being assigned a label of being For Men/Boys or For Women/Girls. I wish people could be androgynous with no-one thinking anything of it, or men could wear dresses and heels as easily as women wear trousers. Perhaps then people with gender confusion could be happier as they are, without having to resort to very major and intrusive surgery.

BUT - I am not trans or gender-confused. So my opinion doesn't count for squat. And I am aware that a man in a dress is not remotely the same as transwoman.

But I see where Portofino is coming from.

wannaBe · 10/01/2013 23:21

No I couldn't.

I am not a lesbian, and having sex with someone who is biologically still a woman equates to that. You can dress it up all you like, but fact is, emotionally he is a man, physically he is not.

I also agree that there is nothing honourable about the fact he has been up front about his situation before entering into a relationship, if you are expecting to enter into a relationship with someone then surely being up front about something that big in your life goes without saying really.

People should live the way they want and have the right to acceptance of their lifestyles/choices. However there is also a responsibility to be up front if who you are impacts on future relationships. I also think it was dishonest to have kissed the op before being up front about who he was.

expatinscotland · 10/01/2013 23:23

It wouldn't be for me.

OneMoreGo · 10/01/2013 23:34

This thread is groaning with massive amounts of ignorance and venom which is quite depressing. And a good point about intersex individuals. I don't totally get why people get their knickers in a twist about this stuff, no pun intended. It's not my business what bits someone had when they were born or which way they identify subsequently.

But anyway, to respond to the OP, yes I would. I have dated a transwoman - a woman in the process of transitioning to female, and it was fine. It also got me thinking about my sexuality to the extent I have now come out as bisexual although I previously considered myself straight, and although the relationship with the transwoman didn't last, I am now dating a biological woman. Which is brilliant Grin
I have a very good friend who is a trans man and I have often wondered 'would I...?' The answer is yes, I would in theory date a trans guy. Of course! It would depend on the person and what they were like, but if they were amazing, yeah I'd go for it. I would be apprehensive about some aspects, but I would go for it and see, because the possibility that it would be amazing is too irresistible to turn away from. I mean, you liked him until you found out, right? And you didn't immediately run screaming from the building. So give the bloke a chance and see what happens, if anything. You never know.

BehindLockNumberNine · 10/01/2013 23:41

I think if I liked him, and felt a spark, and we got on well, then I would go with it and see how it panned out. Same as any relationship really.

It would not put me off, I don't think.

Gay40 · 11/01/2013 00:00

SGB for Head of the World.

I'm a bang on dyke, but I wouldn't rule out dating a transman. I probably couldn't date a transwoman if I'm honest.

I decided years ago and still know that if DP transd to a man I would stay with was-her-now-him. Personality means more than physical attributes.

So, OP, I'd go out a few more times and see how it goes , but if it isn't for you, for whatever reason, that's OK and it's OK to say so as long as you are sensitively honest.

Gay40 · 11/01/2013 00:02

I have noticed that transmen are generally the only men I find vaguely attractive.
< potters off to redefine her own sexual parameters >

carpetsw33per · 11/01/2013 00:10

I meet a lot of transmen in my work and they all seem very attractive.

:-/

They are all charming and lovely, frankly. I would date one, yes.

I might miss the penetrative intercourse. But there are lots of ways to have sex and make love. You won't know until you try.

Good luck.

AmberLeaf · 11/01/2013 00:17

Most trans people are not intersex/hermaphrodite though are they?

I wouldn't date a trans F-M person, it just wouldn't work for me.

chickensarmpit · 11/01/2013 00:20

Nope i would not. I would be friends with him but i wouldn't ever sleep with him.
I don't understand why transgender folk can get new birth certificates either? Or that they don't legally have to say they were born another gender.

carpetsw33per · 11/01/2013 00:21

I must say, having worked with lots of transsexuals, that transmen always 'pass'.

I suspect many of us know transmen and don't realise!

PretzelTime · 11/01/2013 00:30

This thread is groaning with massive amounts of ignorance and venom which is quite depressing.

I don't see massive venom but I really don't like comments such as "a fucking bigoted, closed-minded, heteronormative mundane". That was uncalled for.

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