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Original poster

would you date a transgendered man?

480 replies

ecofreeek · 10/01/2013 19:02

I am in my late 30's and single (divorced). Recently though work I met a man who seemed really nice. We flirted a bit and last weekend he asked me out for a drink. It went really well, nice snog! and we arranged to meet for dinner this week

At dinner he told me that basically he used to be a woman. He has had testosterone treatment for many years and both breasts removed and a hysterectomy. But not the surgery that makes a penis...

I really like him. But I'm a bit freaked out. I guess that's why he told me 'early' in our dating... I dont want any more children s thats not an issue... its the whole man thing - he looks like a man, acts like a man and I would never have guessed that biologically he is not a male...

the sex thing ....

would you date a transgendered man >?

OP posts:
AvonCallingBarksdale · 10/01/2013 19:41

Definitely not, I'm afraid. Rightly or wrongly, it would be the absence of a penis.

Astley · 10/01/2013 19:41

No. I could pretend I might consider it, but in reality there is no way I actually would.

Greensleeves · 10/01/2013 19:42

No, I definitely wouldn't.

drownangels · 10/01/2013 19:43

No I wouldn't.

monkeyfacegrace · 10/01/2013 19:43

No way, not for me. I dont want to have sex with a woman, and sex is a huge part for me.

She is female. She has just had her boobs removed. She still has a womb, and a vagina.

Sorry, just my opinion.

McNo · 10/01/2013 19:44

I don't think I could but if i fell in love with the person then maybe I could based on loving the person not their gender.

msrisotto · 10/01/2013 19:45

I agree with Apocalypto. To pretend otherwise is stupid.

StinkyWicket · 10/01/2013 19:45

I honestly don't know.

I've had lots of disappointing PIV sex and much better non-PIV sex (all hetero though) so I don't think that would bother me so much.

I would like to think it wouldn't bother me at all, because in all honesty (and I know how shallow this makes me sound!) it would be other people's opinions and views that would bother me more than the actual physicalities.

That said, having never been in that situation I just don't know!

I would say, if you like him then go for it. If it works out, then brilliant, if it doesn't, then it's surely just a failed relationship for whatever reason than failed because he used to be a she?

PureQuintessence · 10/01/2013 19:46

I think a bisexual woman would find this a lot easier to deal with. Most (not all though) heterosexual woman need male genitals for sexual fulfillment in a relationship.

PurityBrown · 10/01/2013 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ecofreeek · 10/01/2013 19:47

I have name changed. Some people know me in RL . so to protect my privacy (and his if it goes further) It felt best.

I do very much admire his honesty and I think he is very brave to bring it up, just like that, over dinner ! I get the feeling that he is very much at ease with himself after many years of difficulty. He certainly seems very, mature and sensible.

I'm quite ashamed to say that if you had asked me, I would have said I couldn't do this. But I am thinking about it. Because I like him, and I did find him really attractive. But I don't want to start something I deep down feel uncomfortable with - because potentially I could hurt him - and he's been up front with me, I would like to be honest too.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 10/01/2013 19:47

No way.

mellowcat · 10/01/2013 19:47

I think I would be ok with it.

UmDieEcke · 10/01/2013 19:48

What BOF said

Maria33 · 10/01/2013 19:49

I am Shock that so many people think it's ok to call a pre-op transsexual man a mutilated female. I too have reported the post. The ignorance displayed by some posters on here is Blush

RyleDup · 10/01/2013 19:49

If I was attracted to him anyway, then I wouldn't have a problem with it. I'd give it a go and see how it works out.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 10/01/2013 19:49

I'd certainly rather date a transperson than a fucking bigoted, closed-minded, heteronormative mundane, any day.

Greensleeves · 10/01/2013 19:50

Gender IS binary

and not wanting to sleep with a woman - even if she has taken great pains to look like a man - is not being "hung up", it's being heterosexual Confused

xkittyx · 10/01/2013 19:51

I've also reported Portofino's post. I'm quite saddened at the level of transgender bigotry displayed here.

Pickles77 · 10/01/2013 19:51

I'm with BOF too I'm afraid.
I'd like to say if it was me in the situation id be open minded

Greensleeves · 10/01/2013 19:51

we weren't asked whether we hate or want to persecute a pre-op transsexual man, we were asked whether we would like to sleep with one

why are accusations of bigotry flying around? I'm perplexed

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 10/01/2013 19:52

No, gender isn't binary. This is a fact, not a politically correct opinion. People are born intersex and hermaphrodite - not many, but enough for it to be simply incorrect to insist that gender is binary.

PurityBrown · 10/01/2013 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maria33 · 10/01/2013 19:52

Yes but I don't think sexuality is binary. Anyway, good luck ecofreek. Let him down gently Smile

MNHQ
RowanMumsnet · 10/01/2013 19:53

Hello

While we think that this is a valid discussion, please bear in mind that we will remove transphobic posts.