would you date a transgendered man?

[ecofreeek]

I am in my late 30's and single (divorced). Recently though work I met a man who seemed really nice. We flirted a bit and last weekend he asked me out for a drink. It went really well, nice snog! and we arranged to meet for dinner this week

At dinner he told me that basically he used to be a woman. He has had testosterone treatment for many years and both breasts removed and a hysterectomy. But not the surgery that makes a penis...

I really like him. But I'm a bit freaked out. I guess that's why he told me 'early' in our dating... I dont want any more children s thats not an issue... its the whole man thing - he looks like a man, acts like a man and I would never have guessed that biologically he is not a male...

the sex thing ....

would you date a transgendered man >?

It's a fact that most people are somewhere on a sliding scale between homosexual and heterosexual. How far they go in either direction is at least partly to do with how much importance they place on monogamy. The rest is a mix of opportunity (or lack of it) and how conformist or not their environment is. A lot of people who would not call themselves bisexual will have had or at least considered some sort of sexual experience with a person of the gender they don't normally desire.

I think we have one of those unspoken rules here, where gay people can say things in jest about straight people that would not work in reverse, like black people taking the piss out of white people.

Gay if you think that the only thing that 'turned' a straight woman gay is your super-duper skill between the sheets, then I think you might be deluding yourself a tad - if she was that straight she would not have been fooling around with you in the first place, would she?

Taking credit for turning someone, when in reality a lesbian or bi-woman has just happened to have her first gay experience with you, as opposed to someone else, is a bit teeny bit arrogant, don't you think?

I don't understand what bisexuality has to do with committment to monogamy?

Surely, if you are attracted to both men and women, you are simply attracted to both men and women. That doesn't mean you are more likely to want multiple partners or to want to cheat in a monogamous relationship. Why should it? It's like saying if I'm attracted to blond men and dark haired men, I'm more likely to prefer multiple partners because being with just one blond man wouldn't be enough.

I do agree that many people might have wider sexual preferences than those they habitually go with, but I really dislike the idea that being bisexual has any kind of interaction with how monogamous someone is.

I agree with mrsc that an experience is just anecdata, not 'fact', too.

How far they go in either direction is at least partly to do with how much importance they place on monogamy

As evidenced by firmly hetrosexual men, who are the last word in monogamy.

I've slept with women who were pretty straight the next morning . Sometimes people just want a head between their legs to see what it's like and the next day they can call it whatever they fancy.

Maybe I'm just shit in bed and I've turned them straight

I'm not, I'm fabulous

Monogamy is very important to me and whilst I have had some very short one night stands relationships, I have never had more than one relationship at a time. I do think, possibly, if I was going to cheat then it would be with a woman, as DP is a man, and I do miss women sometimes although the tiny number of people I meet and actually fancy is probably a pretty even split. But its not something I could really get any pleasure out of. Also I wouldn't want to sleep with someone who would sleep with someone who was cheating iyswim.

On an irrelevant note I have never, ever, despite my hugely varied tastes, been sexually attracted to a blonde person.

Gay40 You are welcome to try turn me into a noodle.

Maybe my dh could "straighten" you.

ti hi, I go all curly wurly, and you go all dry spaghetti!

LRD I completely agree with you.

Ithink those women who were 'pretty straight in the morning' were either in denial about their sexuality, or they were occasionally bisexual for a change of scenery but with much stronger hetero leanings, or perhaps they were just bi-curious and on having sampled a bit of you they were no longer curious and very much still straight. Some ladies are just not for turning.

I haven't read the whole thread sorry but if you are atractted to a person its that person you are atractted to not their genitals. I swing any which way I fall in love so this wouldn't be a problem in my eyes but that is just me.

The main thing would be making sure they are in a comfortable place to have some fun and a possible relationship but he was up front and honest from the start and that is a thing to be respected.

I don't see how monogamy and sexual prefrance are related, if someone is a cheating scumbag its a personality fault not a sexual oriantation.
Ps sorry about spelling, dyslexic and on my phone so no spell check. Hope it made sense! And good luck

Pure.....he wouldn't be the first husband who'd suggested a try.
Apologies to the wives of these morons.

NFW, and don't give out to me. There were women on a thread the other night who wouldn't date a short man. So I'm not gonna apologise!

Fellatio, I've no explanation for why it is, but I've never claimed it was because of fucktalent. Just that vociferously straight women are rarely that - entirely straight. And afterwards, some stayed gay, some didn't.

No: being heterosexual doesn't mean you are automatically more monogamous than being gay or bi does. However, if you are very monogamous you will be more inclined to stifle any feelings of sexual attraction towards anyone other than your officially sanctioned partner, and if you settled on a life partner when you were young, you won't necessarily have explored your sexuality much.

Good posts from Fellatio, reading & nodding.

I would never find myself with a woman between my legs! it just wouldn't happen! I'm not "vociferously straight" as I have never even had an ocassion where I've needed to label myself. But I know I am straight. I can see why men like to look at breasts and I can see that they are aesthetically pleasing, but touching your own!? eeeooow.

No I don't see the link solid. I've been single for years. would like to meet somebody. Would aim to be monogomous. But have been single most of my adult life really and never ended up having a gay experience. I don't reckon it's to do with monogomy. I reckon it's to do with how gay you are.

Oh, I see, solid, that makes sense.

Plenty of people are gay and monogamous, or bi and monogamous, from a young age, but I expect you're right that some people who're bi and strongly monogamous simply don't know it because they've settled down already.

I bet that is slightly annoying, Gay40!

It is VERY common on certain sites, where you are looking purely for sex to specify: no black men/no Asian men/ no white men etc.

I do not think that this is in any way racist. it is just your preference of who you want to have sex with, much like you say if you are looking for male or female. Or if transgender/transsexual is something you are open to!

Just want to say I agree that this trams person is for sure not 'lesbian' or a woman. He is a man. Check out Juliet Jaques columns in the guardian on transition if you'd like to understand this a bit better. I think she explains it better than I ever could.

Oh, I can get over a bit of annoying. I'll tell you what makes me laugh. That old stereotype of man-hating lesbians. Straight women hate men far more than any lesbian I've ever met. And the evidence for that is all around - on MN, RL, just about every forum or social situation I've ever been in.
For ladies who love cock, you sure do hate a lot about the attachment to it.

Who does?

What's with all the generalizations about straight women? It's bizarre.

I haven't read all of this thread, so i'll just say my bit regarding the first post.

I would be happy to date him, in my opinion it's the person that counts not the gender.
If you like him go for it maybe just take smaller steps in the sex department until you are both comfy with it. Sex without it can still be fun

"However, if you are very monogamous you will be more inclined to stifle any feelings of sexual attraction towards anyone other than your officially sanctioned partner, and if you settled on a life partner when you were young, you won't necessarily have explored your sexuality much."

I would not take the word of someone who understands monogamy so little.

If you like him go for it maybe just take smaller steps in the sex department until you are both comfy with it. Sex without it can still be fun

I dont really understand this concept. I think if your not comfortable at the thought of having sex because he's not got a penis, or (for me) because i would't be able to get past the fact that he used to be a woman, I don't think any any amount of time would make me comfortable with the situation, regardless of my feelings for them.

I knew I was bisexual years before I had sex with anyone. I thought I was gay at about 10/11 and bisexual from about 13/14. I didn't have to explore my sexuality to know that I liked girls and boys.