would you date a transgendered man?

[ecofreeek]

I am in my late 30's and single (divorced). Recently though work I met a man who seemed really nice. We flirted a bit and last weekend he asked me out for a drink. It went really well, nice snog! and we arranged to meet for dinner this week

At dinner he told me that basically he used to be a woman. He has had testosterone treatment for many years and both breasts removed and a hysterectomy. But not the surgery that makes a penis...

I really like him. But I'm a bit freaked out. I guess that's why he told me 'early' in our dating... I dont want any more children s thats not an issue... its the whole man thing - he looks like a man, acts like a man and I would never have guessed that biologically he is not a male...

the sex thing ....

would you date a transgendered man >?

To be fair to SGB, I think there are people who settle down with one person early on, and don't realize they're bi, or don't think about it much. It's not necessarily a bad thing, we're all different in terms of how much exploring we need to do.

I tend to agree with IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou - also knew I was bisexual from a young age, I settled on a life partner very early on, but same sex attraction is impossible to stifle, it comes and goes, but it can't be shut in the closet. If you don't think about it much, then I expect you're probably quite straight on the spectrum, rather than not having had a chance to explore.

If you like him go for it maybe just take smaller steps in the sex department until you are both comfy with it. Sex without it can still be fun

And once again I need to say would you say this to a lesbian or a gay man to persuade them to have straight sex?

If the OP needs to work her way up to it, swallow a few stiff gins fro dutch courage, and get 'comfortable' with it, then it's not right. Is it? Simple really.

@tittytittyhanghang and FellatioNels0n

Geez don't take what i said so seriously please!

I think some ppl can be a bit apprehensive for a reason or another about having a new sexual relashionship with a new partner and it doesn't matter the gender or the sex. So they may like to take their time while others well... they just jump into bed with a new partner as soon as they get the chance

If the OP is feeling such that deep down she clearly knows that she couldn't be in bed with this man then of course i'm not suggesting time will change that.

Thesecondcoming going out with this person would not make the op a lesbian. Or require being one. See earlier posts on what this man may really look like/ seem like. Ie male.

But the question is would you sleep with 'him'? And how can you sleep with a 'him' who has a vagina? Whatever he may identify as, biologically he is still a woman. Ans for that you need to be a lesbian, or at least bi-curious. It's not that difficult to grasp, surely?

although in his case, it is. Boom-boom.

I don't think that's fair gay40. There are lots of women currently putting up with a lot of shit and posting about it, but I thnk that that's a wake up and smell the coffee phase at the end of a relationship.

I was one of those posters, years ago, and I know there are nice men out there. I've had one relationship with a really nice man and the only person I ever blamed for my x's bad behaviour was my x. It hasn't turned me against all men, I don't expect all men to think or act like my x. He is the Ambassador for one person only, Himself.

Just because one vents about a partner or spouse online doesn't mean that one hates all men. The posts here areusually about the relationship, the dynamic. I don't see any posts saying 'all men are the same' or 'i hate all men'. In fact on any of those threads you will see lots of posters saying that you should 'ltb' because there ARE nice men out there.

Being quite certain that you won't tolerate such and such in the future doesn't make you a man-hater. It means you'll have your eyes open in any future relationship, which for most of us will be with a man. That is very different from being a man-hater and I'm sure you DO get that.

Indeed. I find most men lovely, but I'm not in a relationship with them.

This thread's been weird all the way! Your posts, eco, were among the least weird and I really respect the way you reached your conclusion and let your friend down kindly.

HeyHo, your "sexuality as gift" post, above, is strange. Nobody told OP she had a duty to offer sex to transgendered men They suggested quite reasonably that, if she wasn't sure she'd enjoy sex with her new date, she could find out by doing it.

the right of OP to know what she wants and does not want

... Now, if men with smaller-than-average penises had the courtesy to share that information on a first date, I'd have got a few nights' more sleep!

For the first few weeks in the womb both sexes have a little appendage. Later when the chromosomes determine the sex the females appendage shrinks back to form the Clitoris and the male develops into a penis.
I have watched several documentaries of female to male transgender procedures and processes, and the administering of testosterone and oestragen blockers enlarges the Clitoris . The one I remember seeing developed into the size of my thick middle finger - in width-. The length increased too, but was hidden by the Clitoral Hood, which had to be manually pulled back to be seen. The patient asked if the Hood could be surgically removed, but can't remember if that was possible. Also I don't remember what happened to the female Labia.
Found it amazing and fascinating as the male voice, facial hair.muscly neck and shoulders developed in 6 months of the hormone treatment. The arms and hands were all male too.
One had male baldness in the family and that developed too, but was accepted.
Testicles and gonads cannot be developed, just as males cannot develop wombs and ovaries with the hormones.

I think you did the right thing for you and him, Eco.
And good on you for being honest with him.

It is complicated, particularly before the complete transformation, and he knows it.

But, you should not force anything you're not comfortable with, just to be politically correct or something.
You were probably not that into him anyway.

You're right, Digerd, biological sex is a continuum not a binary and is also mutable. Same with sexuality, most would agree.

You're wrong that the clitoris 'shrinks', though, it's huge! Just arranged differently: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clitoris - diagram top right.

Ovaries are gonads.

bollocks

//Gay40, so, what's the point you're making? that lesbian couples always have equal relationships?, that no woman could ever take advantage of another woman, that both women in a relationship with eachother both feel equally confident /insecure....... so often it's the dynamic between two people that is the issue.

But what you're saying seems to be that gay women know their own minds, straight women aren't sure and should try being gay... Straight women hate men more than lesbians hate men??? I think you are beginning to de-rail here with these statements!

Nice one, Joan

Garlic
Your link re. Clitoris was very interesting. Wish we were build like Hyenas < grin face> But can't be that sensitive if used as a birth canal. I did know that both sexes of Hyenas had penis like appendages and is difficult to tell the sex gendre at a glance.
I thought gonads were male bits inside?
Realised I had used a capital C for Clitoris but a small p for the male penis. !!
In some cultures it is surgically removed in girls at 7 to stop them having any sexual feelings at all to keep them virgins before they marry and faithful to their husbands.

I personally wouldn't have a relationship with a transgebdered person as I need cock! Each to their own. Refusing someone on this basis is very reasonable.

Just been reading about the furore about Julie burchills article in the observer, which basically is obscenely hateful towards transpeople. Lots of depressing statistics in the comments , like 41% suicide in the trans population compared to 1% in the general population and some stuff on the horrendous numbers of murders worldwide. Basically as has also been shown by this thread seems there is a lot of misunderstanding of how why people trans and all the obstacles and prejudice they encounter..

No, I think largely because I don't believe you can "change sex", and people I've met who have wanted to do so have had more rigid ideas of gender than I am comfortable with. Why not just be a lesbian? You can wear the same sort of clothes, what's so great about getting to use the men's loos and the right to go in a men's prison if convicted? What is the whole "really a man" or "really a woman" all about? It involves far more fixed ideas of what it means to be a man or woman that I like.
I think being comfortable with who you are is important to me and I'd feel that someone who had to have surgery and hormone treatment before they were comfortable with who they are wouldn't be right for me.
And if I want a sexual relationship with a man I'd prefer a functioning cock, if I'm going to have a lesbian relationship I'd prefer a woman who was physically a woman. She can wear masculine clothing but I'd want her not to be repulsed by her breasts and envious of penises.

If my very faint memory of biology serves me, a gonad is where zygotes are made and stored. Zygotes are sperm and eggs, so gonads are testicles and ovaries.

Feel free to correct me. Been a lonnnnnng time since school.

Nearly Boomerwang, sperm and eggs are gametes, zygotes are fertilised eggs.