would you date a transgendered man?

[ecofreeek]

I am in my late 30's and single (divorced). Recently though work I met a man who seemed really nice. We flirted a bit and last weekend he asked me out for a drink. It went really well, nice snog! and we arranged to meet for dinner this week

At dinner he told me that basically he used to be a woman. He has had testosterone treatment for many years and both breasts removed and a hysterectomy. But not the surgery that makes a penis...

I really like him. But I'm a bit freaked out. I guess that's why he told me 'early' in our dating... I dont want any more children s thats not an issue... its the whole man thing - he looks like a man, acts like a man and I would never have guessed that biologically he is not a male...

the sex thing ....

would you date a transgendered man >?

Yes I would, but I can understand why someone else might have reservations.

I think if you find him attractive enough and like him as a person then it wouldn't matter.

I don't think that it would bother me personally. (My parents are a whole other ball game..... but hey!)

Go with what you feel.

I think it is quite sad you base your relationships around a penis.

Do gay men get this chucked at them too, or is it reserved for hetrosexual women only ?

iwant - I love giving my DH oral sex and touching his penis, it's an integral part of foreplay, so to say you would hardly notice that a person who, to all intents and purposes is male, has actually got a vagina is ridiculous.

I can't imagine someone who is biologically female would smell like a man either, the male scent is imperitive to a totally heterosexual women surely? His genitals in particular would smell female , wouldn't they?

Yes but Bela we are just women, so god forbid we might prioritise what we want out of a sexual encounter/romantic liason/relationship.

Our needs and desires are not particulary important compared to the needs and desires of a person who might want to bed/love us.

Nothing every really changes, does it.

How true.

Surely he should be looking for a bisexual woman to partner up with and there must be dating sites for transgendered people, he must realise that most straight women could not have sex with someone who had a vagina?
I wonder if he would "fancy" a woman that he knows was actually born male and who still had a penis and scrotum?

Bela: So transpeople should only date via 'special' dating sites, eh? Do you think they should have to wear a sticker on their foreheads as well so that straight people can avoid them?

I wonder how many of you find yourselves whining that you don't care what gay people do in bed as long as they don't 'flaunt it' ie expect to have the same human rights as heterosexuals...

I've not sniffed any transgender people's crotches, but I don't see why a trans man would smell female generally (not just talking about their bits). If their ovaries are removed, they won't be getting female hormones. Instead they will be taking male hormones so I'd imagine that sweat, armpits etc would smell male.
Also female genitalia really change when taking male hormones. The clitoris can grow big enough to make penetratrive sex possible in some cases.
Bela, quite a number of women on this thread have said it wouldn't bother them so clearly "special dating sites" might not quite be necessary.

Oh and I'm in no way, shape or form saying it doesn't matter about our needs as woman, ffs I'm a feminist I'd never suggest that.
There just appear to be an awful lot of misconceptions and a nasty whiff of prejudice around the issue of trans people.

I dont know, I really dont. I think the non penis issue would be a bridge too much for me. In theory if dp turned around and told me he used to be a woman then i really hope that I would love him enough for it not to be an issue. But I think I would find knowing the fact that he used to be a woman would sexually be too offputting for me.

I don't honestly know. I am bisexual so it's not that. And I can see reasons why someone might have surgery, and that is their choice. But I suspect I would find it very difficult to reconcile what I believe and what they believed.

I think it's important that there's a difference between biological sex and socially-constructed gender, and that's one of the things I wouldn't want to disagree over with someone I was sleeping with.

I haven't read all the replies but as you seem to really like him I would go with the flow and see where it takes you. :)

Just to answer those who asked me if I thought he should have told me before we had a snog...

this is a non issue to me. To me he is a HE. he looks male, acts male, smells male, IS male.. a kiss is a kiss. but as I have said I am not comfortable with more

I am quite flattered, as SGB said that he felt comfortable and confident enough to think I was 'worth' the truth... maybe that's wrong but its how I feel. I will totally respect his privacy

I think I will just say that right now the commitment of a relationship isn't for me- I have two young DD's, a demanding job, elderly parents and a lot of financial problems. I'm not exactly catch of the century....

No I would not, and it does not make you a bad person because this is something you can not deal with.
I hope you can stay friends as you both sound nice

Eco, you do sound nice

Eco, you sound lovely. It's fine not to want to pursue a relationship with someone for any reason, and you sound very much like the sort of person who can dump someone without crushing the person's self-esteem.

I don't think he should have had to tell you before the first snog either. He has the right to his privacy just like everyone else. I don't demand to see someone's passport and birth certificate before I interact with them.

Can I ask a question on behalf of dh (we are sitting discussing this thread because it's fascinating and neither of us is really satisfied with our own feelings about it)

If someone is born with XX chromosomes and knows from a very early age that they are male, and goes on to have full gender reassignment and live life as a man, would they be allowed to enter the Olympics as a male competitor? And should they be? (I think they should, dh doesn't think it would be allowed)

I agree that you sound nice. However, I'd be wary of not telling the truth. I've had that exact excuse backfire on me before. I think that perhaps he deserves the truth, and you seem like you could give it very kindly.

No, I couldn't have sex with someone who had female genitalia.

You sound like a kind person who will manage to tell him gently.

Hmm. I don't know. If I fancied him then well why not? I'd certainly be tempted to at least get to the sex stage. But I do like cock. I'd want to know that a strap on would do it for me.

But then is it ok to him to let it get to the stage of sex just to see?

You could give it a go. You might fall in love with him. At that point, you would find his genitals a non issue, as you said above there are always dildos.

I can understand why you have chosen not to carry on but having fallen in love with someone I felt no initial attraction to at all I would say that in my case transgender would not be a reason not to end a relationship.

No

But I really really really like real penises (sp?!)

That's not nb to everyone though. People's sexual needs can be v different. I just know sexually it would not work for me.

Must be head wrecking though. Not every day you meet someone you like kissing...

I don't think you are being shallow or silly. If vulvas don't do it for you, then you need to make it clear.

It's not shallow at all to prefer one set of genitals over another.

Absolutely, I would.

I am married (and attracted to) a person, not a penis, or even a male. A person.