Feeling shaken over DH's overreaction to my stupid behaviour

[WonkyBookshelf]

Toddler and I were sat on the floor playing. I was feeling a bit ignored by DH, who was sitting at the computer while we played, so I jokingly chucked the wet nappy I'd just changed at him (it was balled up). My aim is shit so I accidentally caught his glasses and knocked them off (was aiming for his chest).

I fully expected him to be pissed off by my frankly stupid behaviour, but he totally overreacted. He shouted something incoherent and threw the nappy really hard at the floor, where it burst and covered DS and I in those little gel balls it's filled with. DS was upset by the mess as he got some in his hair and it was all over me.

I feel sick and a bit shaky but also stupid because I should never have thrown the nappy at him in the first place. Things have been quite tense recently as we are both feeling stressed so it shouldn't have been a surprise that he wouldn't have found it funny, even if it hadn't knocked his glasses off. But still, he was disproportionately angry and I hate that DS saw that. I'm also 7.5 months pregnant :(.

I agreed with you once, yes, but your later posts made me It's not my fault you came across like that

I didn't read DV in his behaviour.

I said I could see why he reacted angrily and that I might react similarly myself.

If you think that's man bashing the men you know must be made of marshmallow.

Yes you did read DV and yes it was man bashing. The man I know best, DH, would never be treated as disrespectfully as OP's OH was. He's not made of marshmallow

Sorry but I dont think any of my post changed direction nolittle so am not sure why you agree with me one minute and the next are calling me a self righteous man basher. I dont know how exactly I bashed him

In my experience, a nappy has to be absolutely sodden and weighs like a breezeblock to explode.

It was joke that went wrong - you both need to sit down and apologise, both over reacted. And stop dwelling on it - because if one of you is a sulker or prone to the hystryonics - you'll be hell to live with.

Wonky
I am sorry that this thread has not been helpful to you. I hope you will return when things have calmed down, or try posting again to discuss the underlying issues.

Yes, throwing the nappy at him was daft, and he was entitled to be angry with you for that, but his reaction was a bit OTT.

At the same time, you do have to learn that it is absolutely FINE for a child to see his parents argue - no two people agree all of the time. The important thing is that some boundaries are not crossed, and you show that afterwards, you can both apologise and give each other a hug.

It sounds like your upset is not due to this one incident though, and you could do with someone to talk it over with.

Oh for god's fucking sake OP said ages ago that they have serious problems in their relationship and she wanted to talk about it! Stop going on about the fucking nappy - she's knows it was a very stupid thing to do. She's been chased off by twats saying the same thing a million times and enjoying vilifying her.

I'm not saying her dh is an arsehole or anything BECAUSE SGE DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO TALK.

I didn't read it as domestic violence, at any point.

You are making that up.

I think you'll feel a lot better if you just go and say sorry and nothing else and give your dh a hug. Obviously you're feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable at the moment but he may not be able to know that automatically. Tell him directly what he can do rather than being disappointed when he doesn't realise for himself. For now though, go with the sorry and the hug and the feelings and thoughts you're having now will calm down.

She got chased off, because it wasn't going her way, she was the one in the wrong and she didn't like being told so.

proudnscary exactly.

OP has obviously gone which is bloody sad tbh.

She admitted she was wrong to throw it, she tried to apologise there and then. But they have issues that perhaps, with some more drip feeding from her, someone on here could gave helped her with.

But instead she got called a drama llama. Nice.

She doesn't seem to help the problems though does she? With her totally unreasonable and disgusting actions, and then to be so malodramatic about being shouted at in response ffs! Makes Me when there are so many people on here with far bigger problems

Ok the nappy thing is not that big a deal but the reasons for throwing it are. You say you were joking around but then say you were feeling ignored/unloved so not so much a "joke" as a way to get a reaction?

His reaction was bad but not terrible. Ok it burst but if it was wet enough it wouldn't have taken THAT much force to burst it. I'm sorry it went over your son but again I reckon that was an unfortunate coincidence.

The throwing of it in the first place, feeling sick and shaky, crying too much to see your son. Those are the things that worry me about your posts. They do appear disproportionate and I wonder if as someone else said you are depressed?

Would you maybe see your GP tomorrow and have a chat? If we were just talking about a wet nappy I'd say apologise and let him get over it. We all make mistakes. But the nappy throwing doesn't even matter in the scheme of your marriage problems by the sounds of it.

I really think you would benefit from speaking to someone. You're pregnant and in pain. You shouldn't carry all this stress/worry alone.

"She doesn't seem to help the problems though does she?"

We don't know, and neither do you.

Because she was hounded off here by people with the insight of a block of cheese.

nolittle thats a bit harsh, I didn't know your problems have to 'qualify' for advice and support on here.
And how do you know what problems she had, she never even got to tell us.

And by 'your' I don't mean you specifically.

I stand by my posts, she sounded like a 'mare to live with and a bit princessy IMHO

Athing I've read a lot of threads on here, and some women would beg to be shouted at rather than have what has been done to them. I am sure there are many who would like their partner's responses to be after, something they had done that was actually unreasonable, not just because 'they got in the way' or 'deserved it'. Not saying that problems have to qualify for support, but in context OP's reaction to this 'incident' was fucking ridiculous!!

Fair enough, but you dont know her at all in rl and perhaps she's not actually like that, maybe shes a genuinely depressed unhappy woman with a deep seated issue around her OH that she never got to explain, and her post could've just been a cry for help to people who would tell her the truth yes but help her fix it, not kick her when shes down.

Thats all I was trying to get at.

NoLittleBuddahs - kicking posters when they are down again?

OP, if you're still reading, I hope you are ok. I don't think what you did was anything worse than a silly mistake. It was not a meaningless act though, as I'm sure you are aware by your mention of passive aggression, I guess it was your attempt to send a message that your DH was not helping out while you were in pain and perhaps he is not pulling his weight. If he is not engaging enough in family life and not giving you the support you need, then you need to tell him pure and simple, then the passive aggressive behaviour will not be necessary. I'm sure you are aware of this. You both really need to talk. It can be hard to communicate how you feel and what you need without blaming each other, but worth a try.

As for the other underlying issue, you seem to fear a flaming because you have not behaved well, but personally I would be happy to respond in a non judgemental way (I'm no saint) so pm me if you like.

And physical abuse isnt the only type there is so your 'some women would beg to be shouted at' doesnt hold water with me im afraid.

Nolittle, your posts are absolutely horrible and totally against the spirit of the relationship board. Why don't you go over to AIBU and assert your 'rightness' there.