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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Feeling shaken over DH's overreaction to my stupid behaviour

256 replies

WonkyBookshelf · 09/01/2013 18:29

Toddler and I were sat on the floor playing. I was feeling a bit ignored by DH, who was sitting at the computer while we played, so I jokingly chucked the wet nappy I'd just changed at him (it was balled up). My aim is shit so I accidentally caught his glasses and knocked them off (was aiming for his chest).

I fully expected him to be pissed off by my frankly stupid behaviour, but he totally overreacted. He shouted something incoherent and threw the nappy really hard at the floor, where it burst and covered DS and I in those little gel balls it's filled with. DS was upset by the mess as he got some in his hair and it was all over me.

I feel sick and a bit shaky but also stupid because I should never have thrown the nappy at him in the first place. Things have been quite tense recently as we are both feeling stressed so it shouldn't have been a surprise that he wouldn't have found it funny, even if it hadn't knocked his glasses off. But still, he was disproportionately angry and I hate that DS saw that. I'm also 7.5 months pregnant :(.

OP posts:
JustFabulous · 09/01/2013 21:05

You need to apologise. Refusing to do so because you think he over reacted is ridiculous.

Astley · 09/01/2013 21:06

Oh my God! The man shouted afterbeing hit in the face, suddenly, with a used nappy.

Maybe we should linch him? FFS

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 09/01/2013 21:07

If that's the type of thing OP finds funny, perhaps DP felt she needed to be told clearly that he'd had enough, and to be fair there are far worse ways for him to expressing himself than shouting. If she's going to behave like a child, Op should expect to be treated like one. Most of us, when we want our DC to stop an unacceptable behavoiur have resorted to shouting when genuinely shocked or hurt by their actions. So no big deal IMHO.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 09/01/2013 21:07

My point exactly Chub

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 09/01/2013 21:08

IMHO this tread is an insult to those experiencing DV

Pancakeflipper · 09/01/2013 21:10

I don't you threw this in fun, high jinks, giggles and humour. I think there was a touch of venom cos he was ignoring you.

You need to say sorry and sort this out and whatever else is upsetting you in this relationship.

Chubfuddler · 09/01/2013 21:11

Hopefully the op is talking to her husband and getting the whole silly episode sorted rather than disappeared on a new thread set up for the purposes of enabling her

penguinplease · 09/01/2013 21:12

Go and apologise, tell him you are sorry and that you think maybe he should apologise too, break the ice and get it sorted instead of dwelling about it.

Maybe he feels wretched for his reaction too, I'm sure he didn't realise the nappy would explode.

Stop wasting time posting on here and go and make the first move, you are not prepared to tell anyone what the underlying issue is and that is your prerogative but we can't help you unless we have the facts.

It sounds like a silly situation that got out of hand. Fwiw I am a glasses wearer and I would have been cross too, even though you did it by accident, even throwing it at his chest was a bit unnecessary or you could at least have shouted catch while you did it, given him half a chance!

AngryGnome · 09/01/2013 21:12

I don't think the OP is coming across at Ll weird - I think she is very shaken and upset, there is rom what she has said a lot of backstory that we don't know about, and this nappy incident has brought everything to a head for her. I don't think name calling is going to help the op or her relationship.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 09/01/2013 21:13

Couldn't agree more pancake

Sadly, she probably isn't Chub, and there will be another thread somewhere.

strumpetpumpkin · 09/01/2013 21:14

im sorry youre feeling so crap OP :( x

AThingInYourLife · 09/01/2013 21:15

Listening to someone who is upset and obviously wants to talk about it is "enabling" them?

Fucking hell, there are some right thick cunts on this thread.

saycheeeeeese · 09/01/2013 21:15

Some of you are just nasty pieces of work, enabling her??what a fucking pile of self righteous shit!

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 09/01/2013 21:18

I just want to chime in that in our house, chucking a (dry on the outside, wee, rolled-up) nappy, or some balled-up socks, is not unheard of. For maximum points you have to sneak up on someone and yell "sock attack!". Things are never thrown in anger or hard enough to hurt someone and I always miss.

It is normal for us and while I have been towel-attacked in the past when not in the mood my reaction was to say "ugh, no, I'm not in the mood". If my glasses were accidentally knocked off I would be cross and look cross and say crossly "Oi, what are you doing you eejit". Then I would accept the immediately-forthcoming apology.

I realise many MNers would apparently hate to live in my house. That's fine Grin. But there is a massive difference between what we do, what the OP was trying to do, and throwing something in anger at your wife and toddler, so hard it breaks open and covers them with piss.

That would leave me shaken and upset, too, OP. I'm very sorry about this and about the frankly nasty reception you've had here. I hope you've had an apology.

sparklyjumper · 09/01/2013 21:18

Hi op, I would like to say sorry if my reply has in any way added to you being upset or made you not want to speak any further.

I think that you came on and posted about one thing when it is actually about much more and without knowing the background people can only go on what you've said.

Why not leave this thread behind even ask for it to be removed and start over again?

AThingInYourLife · 09/01/2013 21:20

Yes, enabling her to talk about what's bothering her a d figure out a way to calm down and address it would be a dreadful, dreadful thing to do.

What we need to do is belittle her, tear her down, make her feel like she doesn't deserve anyone to listen to her and then give her trite, pointless advice that is clearly nowhere near the actual issue.

Chubfuddler · 09/01/2013 21:20

Assuming that she must be in the right despite her actions is enabling, yes.

Shits, cunts - for someone who claims to be so interested in offering support you're quite aggressive really.

JustFabulous · 09/01/2013 21:21

She didn't throw the nappy in fun, as a joke with her H's knowledge though. She was annoyed with him so threw it at him.

They really need to talk as tghe atmosphere in the house is going to cause more upset to the children than a one off shout from Daddy.

saycheeeeeese · 09/01/2013 21:22

Because apparently sparkly another thread to support underlying issues would be enabling her.

And here I was thinking the relationships board was here for people with relationship problems.

saycheeeeeese · 09/01/2013 21:24

Well Chub had you not been so nasty towards her then perhaps our reactions wouldn't have been warranted plus I didnt call you a shit, just what you said.

AThingInYourLife · 09/01/2013 21:26

I'm not offering support to you, Chubfuddler.

You seem to have plenty of support here bullying someone vulnerable.

And nobody is assuming she is in the right.

Just that she is upset and feels ignored and needs to talk about her feelings and her marriage is on the line.

But sure, make light of it and enjoy ganging up on her.

How big you must feel.

Chubfuddler · 09/01/2013 21:29

I don't feel big. I made a perfectly innocent comment that there must be something bigger going on and you ridiculed it. M

Your posts create the impression that you somehow think of these types of threads as your territory, and you dislike anyone dissenting from what you consider to be the party line. I'm sure that can't be the case because that would be absurd, bit it's the impression you're giving. You might like to think about it.

saycheeeeeese · 09/01/2013 21:30

I didnt imply she was right either, but you dont kick someone, who has a history of mental illness, when they're down and feeling worthless.
Thats a pretty horrible thing to do.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 09/01/2013 21:32

Saycheese and athing I think you have been the most self-righteous posters tbh, to read DV in OP's DP's behaviour, when she has said there has been none. You seem like self righteous 'man bashers' to me.

saycheeeeeese · 09/01/2013 21:37

Im not a man basher at all nolittle and up thread you actually agreed with me.
I asked op if there was a history of violence, she said no so I left it at that.
I think what she did was silly, I think he over reacted, and I think op needs support for the relationship issues she obviously came on to talk about.

But now she cant talk anout it because the majority of people on this thread have ignored her issues and focused on tbe nappy she threw.

I actually quite like men you know so don't judge me for wanting to support not flame a vulnerable woman.