Feeling shaken over DH's overreaction to my stupid behaviour

[WonkyBookshelf]

Toddler and I were sat on the floor playing. I was feeling a bit ignored by DH, who was sitting at the computer while we played, so I jokingly chucked the wet nappy I'd just changed at him (it was balled up). My aim is shit so I accidentally caught his glasses and knocked them off (was aiming for his chest).

I fully expected him to be pissed off by my frankly stupid behaviour, but he totally overreacted. He shouted something incoherent and threw the nappy really hard at the floor, where it burst and covered DS and I in those little gel balls it's filled with. DS was upset by the mess as he got some in his hair and it was all over me.

I feel sick and a bit shaky but also stupid because I should never have thrown the nappy at him in the first place. Things have been quite tense recently as we are both feeling stressed so it shouldn't have been a surprise that he wouldn't have found it funny, even if it hadn't knocked his glasses off. But still, he was disproportionately angry and I hate that DS saw that. I'm also 7.5 months pregnant :(.

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

Abusive? throwing human waste at his face? She already said she aimed at his chest and it ACCIDENTALLY hit his face, stop twisting things, she already feels like shit and has admitted she was wrong. No need to let loose the flying monkey's, eh?

[saycheeeeeese]

athinginyourlife I couldn't have daid it better.

Some people are seriously full of crap never mind tbe nappy. She threw it as an immature joke, he threw it in anger. Big difference there!

[Chubfuddler]

He didn't try to hit you with it though and he didn't know it was going to burst.

I agree there must be done massive back issue for this to he such a big deal because what he did sounds completely in the range of normal to me.

[NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere]

AThing I still think that's what happened and IMO it was not acceptable and OP needs to get a grip, for feeling sick and shaky, when her behaviour was worse.

[TheBOF]

I think he over-reacted. A pissed-off yell of "WTF are you doing?!" would have sufficed. By all means apologise, say it was silly and you didn't mean to hit his face, but I'd also say that his reaction frightened you too and it felt like in that moment he really hated you and you're shaken. Then see if you can kiss and make up, or if he thinks you've got stuff you need to talk about?

That's how I'd handle it, I think.

[WonkyBookshelf]

Thank you for the support but this thread doesn't feel like a safe place to discuss our problems.

[GirlOutNumbered]

I think you are wrong to think that people don't get angry in front of children. I have and I feel terrible about it afterwards, probably how your OH feels now. I'm sure he didn't want to blow up in sons view but then a large heavy object hit him unexpectedly. I don't blame him.

[NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere]

James If a woman had posted this about a man he'd be flamed to high hell and the woman would have been told to leave. Throwing, waste, which is what urine is, at anybody is abusive. I don't get what's so over the top about saying that.

[ScubaSarah]

wonky I have had a (in hindsight hideously embarrassing) moment of pregnarage recently and recognise that, if I weren't in a great place with my DH I could behave much more childishly than I normally would ever contemplate - you're tired, you're hormonal and emotional - that makes your actions understandable and not-ok at the same time.
He over-reacted, but not massively so given he must have had a fright and it must have hurt.

As a few, more reasonable, other posters have said, take a deep breath, go and apologise, try to lighten the mood and then, maybe, try to tackle the underlying issue - either with DH or with a counsellor via your GP. Hopefully once you start the apologies he will follow suit.
The next few months will be hard, with or without PND - if you can tackle the root of these issues before your EDD it might help save more heartache down the line.

Samaritans are always on the end of the phone even if you don't feel you can say much but need to let it out?

Good luck and hope the SPD improves x

[saycheeeeeese]

I think it depends on the relationship which we know nothing about, she playfully threw a rolled up nappy aiming for his chest, it missed. She apologised, he shouted and threw the nappy on tbe ground so hard it crumbled.

I couldn't give a flying fart if a man posted this either id still stand by my opinion that it was meant as a joke and he took his reaction too far.

[AThingInYourLife]

"there must be done massive back issue for this to he such a big deal"

Well, duh!

Of course there fucking well is.

And she's been trying to find people to talk to about it but a whole thread worth of self-righteous gobshites have made her afraid to now

Round of applause Mumsnet. Well done everybody.

One upset pregnant woman sent packing.

Wonky - you're right, this isn't a safe place to talk about your problems

If you want to talk to people willing to listen, you could start a thread in Off the Beaten Track and PM links to a few of us.

I'm so sorry :(

[sudaname]

It was a reaction though wasnt it. A knee jerk reaction to being startled (and your glasses being knocked off your face completely unexpectedly would shock even the toughest of men ). He deliberately channelled his anger onto the offending missile and the floor. He didnt aim it at you, the thrower, as many people automatically would. He threw it at the floor. This is not a violent man shudders at what my exh wouldve done , nor did he even turn the air blue or call the OP abusive names - at least neither has been mentioned thus far.
l think some people are overreacting to the DHs reaction tbh, even suggesting DV .

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

Bollocks. If a woman wrote "he threw a nappy at me trying to be funny, but it hit my face and knocked my glasses off, then I lost my rag, chucked it and it exploded everywhere. I've left him there to clean it up, I'm not bloody helping" (which is what actually happened, with no sexing it up out of proportion) the reaction she would have got would have been "good on you, that'll learn him, what was he thinking?" not leave the bastard.

Because you know, us grown ups don't usually leave a person because of a joke that went wrong...

[Chubfuddler]

There's no need to be so fucking rude a thing. She's said he's never been violent. She's admitted she wasn't just playing, she was angry he sues he was ignoring her. As she doesn't want to say what this "thing" is perhaps there's little help to offer.

[NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere]

Here Here Suda!

[saycheeeeeese]

But its the fact that she feels sick and shaken at his reaction james, not the fact that he threw it.

[MooncupGoddess]

OP - it's very hard for the nuances of this situation to be clear when there is so much back story we don't know. Do start another thread elsewhere talking about the real issues involved and I'm sure people will be more sympathetic.

[saycheeeeeese]

Sorry pressed too soon...thiat is what makes the difference. If I ever made my DH feel that way over a joke I'd feel bloody ashamed of myself.

[NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere]

Not a joke to me athing IME of MN, you're wrong re the reaction had it been a man. OP, could have jokingly said 'Daddy's missing out on all the fun! Let's go and get him' or similar. IMO throwing waste, is more chimplike than adult behaviour

[NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere]

Exactly saycheeese

[AngryGnome]

I'm sorry you are so down OP. SPDnis horrible, and constant pain combined with the general tiredness of late pregnancy is a nasty combination. You chucked a wet nappy at him, harder than you intended and badly aimed. You admit that you did this partly as a joke, and partly as you were a bit pissed off that he was surfing the net whilst you were on toddler watch. He was angry and threw it back, possibly harder than he intended which is why it split on the floor and you and DS were covered in the contents.

Tbh, it wasn't pleasant for any of you, and it wasn't great behaviour from either of you. It seems to be a result of deeper problems you have. Can you use this incident as a way of opening a channel to talk to each other? Say I'm sorry I threw the nappy, it was stupid of me, but I'm also upset at the way you reacted, especially in front of ds.

I can see you are very upset at this happening in front of ds, but as other posters have said parents Aren't robots and sometimes we do get angry. The key is to to be Able to show your children through your actions that adults do argue and get it wrong sometimes, but a relationship is rooted in love, trust and respect. At the moment you don't seem to be feeling you do have that kind of relationship, so now is the time to try and talk about it if you can.

[Astley]

I can only say that from my perspective, as a glasses wearer, it does hurt if somthing hits you in the face. Personally if I then saw it was a nappy I'd find it pretty gross.

I don't really get why anyone would feel chucking it on the floor is an over reaction! Horsing around is one thing, but imo, it does take 2 and you can clearly tell when the other person is or isn't in the mood.

[saycheeeeeese]

He didnt jusy chuck the nappy, he shouted so loud that he made her feel shaken

[Corygal]

OP - who's wetter, you or the stinky nappy?

You are clearly determined to be the victim - but you are the aggressor, and your relentless accusations that yr DH behaved worse are coming across A Bit Weird And Not In a Good Way.

Can't you both talk? Please?

[Chubfuddler]

Perhaps her feeling shaken is an over reaction? It sounds like one.