Feeling shaken over DH's overreaction to my stupid behaviour

[WonkyBookshelf]

Toddler and I were sat on the floor playing. I was feeling a bit ignored by DH, who was sitting at the computer while we played, so I jokingly chucked the wet nappy I'd just changed at him (it was balled up). My aim is shit so I accidentally caught his glasses and knocked them off (was aiming for his chest).

I fully expected him to be pissed off by my frankly stupid behaviour, but he totally overreacted. He shouted something incoherent and threw the nappy really hard at the floor, where it burst and covered DS and I in those little gel balls it's filled with. DS was upset by the mess as he got some in his hair and it was all over me.

I feel sick and a bit shaky but also stupid because I should never have thrown the nappy at him in the first place. Things have been quite tense recently as we are both feeling stressed so it shouldn't have been a surprise that he wouldn't have found it funny, even if it hadn't knocked his glasses off. But still, he was disproportionately angry and I hate that DS saw that. I'm also 7.5 months pregnant :(.

Yes, he reacted with fury. In front of DS.

I hope by saying that people don't think I'm trying to downplay my own behaviour.

You can't have had 5 years of a shitty relationship given that you are pregnant and have a toddler.

Go and say sorry and say you want to start again and be a grown up and build your relationship up.

Yes but OP said in her opening she felt shaken, I dont agree that what she did was right but theres no need to flame an already shaken pregnant woman, there are other ways to give her perspective.

Sorry JustFab - we haven't had five years of shitty relationship. We've had fantastic times and shit ones. We are finding it more difficult to relate than not at the moment, however.

I think it's ok for children to see adults being angry from time to time actually. We're not automatons. Most posters have said they'd have been furious too.

It's what you do now that matters. Tell him you're sorry but his reaction upset you. Have a hug. Move on.

And whose to say this man hasn't been violent in the past.

Wonky, is there a chance you could be suffering from prenatal depression?

You've said you are in pain due to the spd and that you and OH have unresolved issues, you are clearly distressed.

First I would talk to your midwife, then your GP. They can support you and your GP can usually offer you 6, 1 hours free counselling sessions.

You will have to go alone (obvs) but it will give you the opportunity to get it all off your chest and explore what's bothering you and hopefully learn some coping mechanisms.

You will have to sit your OH down at some point and tell him what's going on, you need his support and your relationship won't survive without communication.

((((HUGS))) xx

Why are people so horrified by their own child's wet nappy? It's dry on the outside, and has an adorable persons wee on the inside.

I'm all for washing my hands after a nappy change, but a bath if the outside of my own child's wet nappy touches my face? That's crazy.

OP, when you feel up to it, maybe start another thread about the real issues in your relationship. Don't mention the evil baby wee, or your amateur basketball antics. You will get help and support.

Not violent, but he has been disproportionately angry.

Bubblegum, I've had extra sessions with the mw because I am at risk of PND having had it with my first. She mentioned counselling if I need it but we haven't got there yet.

Oh ffs there are some real kneejerk reactions on this thread. This kind of horsing around happens a lot in our house, op. I'd think nothing of chucking a wet balled up nappy at dp, not at his face but as you said that was a mistake due to crap aim. Dp would do this too for a laugh, same as maybe throwing a pair or socks/pants or waving a big spider in a jar at you on the way to throwing it out. Just silliness that's all! It was a balled up baby wee in a nappy not a bare turd!

I think it does sound like an overreaction, a bit of a tantrum tbh. Especially if you were saying "oh shit, sorry! sorry!" as I would have doing, and not laughing your head off (were you?)

Don't let this lot make you feel terrible, and like this is a life changing incident. It really isn't and you don't need relationship counselling based on this (ffs! lol) Just apologise, say "I'm a twat with shit aim, I'm sorry I knocked your glasses off, are you ok?" and go from there.

Offer yourself for target practice. (although to be fair it's you who needs it) Chin up!

I think you were in the wrong to throw the nappy. Just apologise.

I hardly ever post, often lurk though... But I absolutely had to jump in to say that I don't really see why everyone's so hung up on the nappy... If it was wet, and rolled up, it might as well have been a soft toy. A beanbag perhaps, as that would burst and make a mess if it split. Perhaps not an ideal way to start a conversation to chuck it at someone, but we've established that.

What I'm wondering, is this: do you have a DV history?

That might explain your shakiness and tears, and the fact that you can't calm down... His burstbof anger triggered something?

yes Wonky.... if you decide you want to post about the other things going on, why not make a new thread.
The thing that happened here isn't the problem. Something else is.

I have thrown wet nappies at ex (when we were still together) and he has thrown them at me. Usually whilst he is not expecting it along with me calling 'hey catch' or something similar. It's a joke.

At nearly 8 months pregnant, with bad spd the OP shouldn't be sitting on the floor trying to keep the toddler entertained whilst her other half is sat on his backside playing on google or whatever. He should be playing with the dc and she should be resting.

Of course I apologised as soon as I realised my aim had been off. It got lost in his shout though and then DS and I were covered. I have not apologised after it happened though, because in the context of our relationship his reaction felt hugely disproportionate and shocking.

I'd have been disproportionately angry too.

I get The Rage if anything is thrown at my head and I'm not expecting it.

Once op, in the car park of asda I tripped my dp up on purpose but as a joke. He fell flat on his face and all the shopping split, loads of
people saw. I don't know why I did it and I certainly didn't mean it to be so dreadful but I didn't mean it. He went completely insane (rightfully) but we did speak about it and we can laugh now. The point here is I understand what you meant by doing something jokingly then it gou g wrong and being too big to talk about. After you have both calmed down try and have a chat and a cup of tea or something and go from there. Take care.

"But even in the hallowed ground of relationships, women can be in the wrong."

Quite.

A good number of women are very much in the wrong on this thread.

You might have been that angry with me, but would you be that angry in front of your son? I wouldn't.

OP, I think your behaviour was abusive here, not DP's. How little respect do you have to have for someone to literally throw human waste at their face? I feel sorry for DS, he is a baby and should not be caught in the middle of anything like this. If a woman had written that her DP had acted as you did people would be accusing him of all sorts. You abused and humiliated him. Fact. Being Pg is no excuse.

He didn't plan his reaction did he? He wasn't expecting to get whacked in the face. And what you've described him doing doesn't sound that angry to me. You weren't really playing yourself were you? You were pissed off at him. You obviously threw it harder than you consciously intended. He did the same, except he didn't throw it AT you.

I'm going to sound like I protest too much here but he did throw it at me. He threw it at us - at the floor Next to where we were sitting. That's why we were both covered in the contents.

I agree that I threw it harder than I consciously intended.

"How little respect do you have to have for someone to literally throw human waste at their face?"

Get. A. Fucking. Grip.

Op you sound so down

If its any consolation once I tipped a jug of cold water over dp as he walked past the stairs. Not only did I break his hands free kit I also caused him to have to grovel to a client as he shouted "fucking hell" at the top if his voice. I hadn't seem he was on the phone.

We have a very horseplay type of relationship so I get where you are coming from

This seems more than just that though, you touch on other issues?

If you don't feel you can talk to each in not really sure how to suggest you move forward.

I wouldn't chuck a nappy at anyone because they're really heavy if they're wet but then I wouldn't chuck one so hard at the floor that it exploded either.

You need to talk :(

Are you scared? What's behind all this? You've said there's some big issue but you've not said what that is. You're not going to get anywhere with this thread if it's all about the rights and wrongs of nappy chucking. What do you you want to achieve?