Feeling shaken over DH's overreaction to my stupid behaviour

[WonkyBookshelf]

Toddler and I were sat on the floor playing. I was feeling a bit ignored by DH, who was sitting at the computer while we played, so I jokingly chucked the wet nappy I'd just changed at him (it was balled up). My aim is shit so I accidentally caught his glasses and knocked them off (was aiming for his chest).

I fully expected him to be pissed off by my frankly stupid behaviour, but he totally overreacted. He shouted something incoherent and threw the nappy really hard at the floor, where it burst and covered DS and I in those little gel balls it's filled with. DS was upset by the mess as he got some in his hair and it was all over me.

I feel sick and a bit shaky but also stupid because I should never have thrown the nappy at him in the first place. Things have been quite tense recently as we are both feeling stressed so it shouldn't have been a surprise that he wouldn't have found it funny, even if it hadn't knocked his glasses off. But still, he was disproportionately angry and I hate that DS saw that. I'm also 7.5 months pregnant :(.

[WonkyBookshelf]

When I say I am too upset to see my son, I mean that I have been crying and he finds it distressing to see.

[Viviennemary]

Sorry I was unsympathtic on an earlier post. There is a lot more to this than throwing nappies.

[PureQuintessence]

To be honest, I am not surprised he spend a lot of time ignoring you if you are this juvenile. Throwing a pissy nappy at somebody's face? How disrespectful.

I would be both angry and humiliated if somebody did that to me.

You really told him how you feel about him!

[WonkyBookshelf]

I'm not explaining myself very well Vivienne.

I was scared about posting because I've been avoiding thinking about our larger issues. And I was aware that while I desperately want/need some support, I would get a lot of harsh words because I haven't behaved very well. But I'm so lonely and sad and I don't feel able to talk to family or friends.

[Kiriwawa]

Have you said sorry?

[SupermanEatsKryptonite]

Do I have the only household in the world where we chuck nappies at each other - to take out to the bin, in a head's up I changed so you can stick it in the bin way? I've never felt the need to have a shower because the outside of a nappy has touched me

I think you need to apologise about knocking his glasses off, looks like he's already building bridges by doing the bathing. If my dh was in a proper huff for something that I'd initiated he'd have left me to sort out the mess and clean up the dc.

Storm in a teacup imo, if he's using the laptop as an avoidance technique then you need to have a proper discussion about that and ways to compromise over the time spent on there - maybe waiting until dc is in bed, or limiting himself to a set amount of time each day/week?

[WonkyBookshelf]

I've said that it was bad of me.

I've also said that it's not at all unusual for either of us to do this kind of thing. And I wasn't aiming at his face, of course not. I'm sorry if that sounds like I'm trying to excuse bad behaviour. I'm not. But my intention and the reaction I expected were far away from the result.

[mrsbabookaloo]

Just want to send you some support, op. Some people are v judgemental. If the nappy was wrapped its not that gross. I am sure you were being immature and thoughtless and that your dp has pissed you off, and you need to find a better way to deal with it. You are upset and unhappy but you have mot committed the crime of the century. This sort of thing could easily happen between me and dh. I do understand him being angry- he was probsbly really surprised and having your glasses knocked off is particularly horrible, but youi didnt mean to. Hope you can talk and figure out what is really going on.

[WonkyBookshelf]

No Superman, that is absolutely the way we normally behave. I can see how it would look to people who don't, though.

[dequoisagitil]

I think you're going to have to face up to the larger issues, because you are both stuck in a cycle.

[WonkyBookshelf]

Kiri he is still upstairs. I think he may have fallen asleep putting DS down.

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

You could go to him and apologise. It might start off a discussion. He's probably not feeling great either, tbh.

[WonkyBookshelf]

I think the reason I am upset is that after five years of the same problem I don't know if we can, dequoi.

[SaraBellumHertz]

Honestly what the fuck is the matter with posters at the moment?! The ops distress is palpable - does it really make you feel better to put the boot in and tell her how awful she has been?!

winky please don't be upset. You misjudged the situation. That is all, it happens.

[SupermanEatsKryptonite]

It sounds like he was caught off guard and had a hissy fit (or pissy fit, if you like ).

Go and make him a cup of tea and wake him up with an apology.

[Pleasesleep]

To be honest I think you've had a really hard time here op! I'm not saying it was a particularly smart thing to do, I would find it a bit irritating but some of the posters here really need to catch a grip! Who would rub someone's face in a nappy just because someone chucked it at them? It's plastic on the outside, there isn't even any wee on it or likely to escape from it! It's just a joke.

Your DH's reaction was woefully out of proportion, and totally unacceptable in front of your son. I think you need to talk to him seriously about the issues you're having.

[sudaname]

If a urine soaked nappy had been in enough contact around my face and hair to actually knock my glasses off my face l would definitely be hitting the shower/bathroom l'm afraid.

[AThingInYourLife]

It seems to me that people are enjoying getting the boot in here.

You basically threw a balled up piece of paper at his chest.

Modern disposable nappies are not "piss soaked" when used and wrapped properly. They're dry and a bit heavy.

I wouldn't be too happy if I was concentrating and one hit my glasses off, and I might have reacted as your DH did.

But once told it was an accident, I would have apologised for being so cross.

You are heavily pregnant and unwell, and obviously very upset.

There is no reason for multiple posts all outdoing each other to exaggerate the wrong you've done your husband.

I was going to suggest you repost this in Relationships, where you might get some advice on your problem rather than a group dressing down for a pretty minor mistake, but I see you have posted in Relationships.

I am willing to hear you out if you want to talk about your relationship problem. I don't think it's OK that you are so upset that you are bawling your eyes out and the people you turn to for help tell you you deserve to be ignored by your husband.

[Chubfuddler]

Why were you annoyed with him though? It's not his fault you've got spd, it's just one of those things.

You do sound like a bit of a drama lama tbh.

[maxmillie]

I think overeaction. Was balled up. They aren't wet on the outside. We often so this, kids as well. We find it funny to chuck them over the bannister to take outside on way down with the element of random chance that you might hit someone on the head coming up. We find it hilarious on the odd occasion that it does. Perhaps we are a particularly juvenile family though

I'd put it done to sense of humour failure/mismatch

[saycheeeeeese]

Im going against the grain and saying he completely overreacted.

I could throw a nappy at my DH and he'd laugh, even if he didn't he'd never react in a fury in front f our DC, yes you were immature but he stooped just as low.

I hope you get your issues sorted before that newborn baby comes because babies push relationships to the brink.

[dequoisagitil]

OP, if you feel you want to talk about the larger issues, you could always name-change and start another thread.

I am hoping that more people will let go of the nappy-throwing (especially when it's something he'd do as well) if this thread continues, but it might be easier to start over.

[saycheeeeeese]

And im disgusted at how people are reacting here, this is not AIBU last time I checked.

[WonkyBookshelf]

DS and I were the ones who ended up covered in piss, actually. You have to throw a nappy really hard at the floor for it to split and cover the entire room.

[Chubfuddler]

No it's not Aibu. But even in the hallowed ground of relationships, women can be in the wrong.