Feeling shaken over DH's overreaction to my stupid behaviour

[WonkyBookshelf]

Toddler and I were sat on the floor playing. I was feeling a bit ignored by DH, who was sitting at the computer while we played, so I jokingly chucked the wet nappy I'd just changed at him (it was balled up). My aim is shit so I accidentally caught his glasses and knocked them off (was aiming for his chest).

I fully expected him to be pissed off by my frankly stupid behaviour, but he totally overreacted. He shouted something incoherent and threw the nappy really hard at the floor, where it burst and covered DS and I in those little gel balls it's filled with. DS was upset by the mess as he got some in his hair and it was all over me.

I feel sick and a bit shaky but also stupid because I should never have thrown the nappy at him in the first place. Things have been quite tense recently as we are both feeling stressed so it shouldn't have been a surprise that he wouldn't have found it funny, even if it hadn't knocked his glasses off. But still, he was disproportionately angry and I hate that DS saw that. I'm also 7.5 months pregnant :(.

OP you've acknowledged that the nappy throwing was a terrible idea.

Right, so now what do you want to do? Things are clearly fraught between you both. Can you discuss it when you've both calmed down?

So you spend a lot of time feeling ignored by him and there's lots of passive-aggressive behaviour in the relationship.

Perhaps you should consider relationship counselling together?

Btw, would he happily throw a nappy at you, when horsing around?

I'm not angry. I feel very sad.

Yes he would. As I said, this kind of horsing around is not unusual for us.

I don't think he over reacted either. You deliberately threw a wet nappy towards his face, he reacted by throwing it to the floor. "This felt like he really, really dislikes me" - and do you think that throwing a wet nappy at him made him feel like you like him??

You should apologise

Ok, so you horse around a lot. This latest incident very was ill-judged, and he took it badly. And you're shaken.

What usually happens when you horse around?
Can you tell us what you mean by PA digging?

Say this incident had never happened... What's been happening generally?

OK, so no wonder you're shaken by his reaction.

Does he do more horsing around of the nappy-throwing variety than you, usually? Or is it more or less equal?

Well, I'm sure most of us have done daft things we instantly regret.

I think you've had a good old telling off on this thread, which probably isn't making you feel any better!
I can understand his reaction but can also see what you did was a spur of the moment action with an outcome you didn't intend.
I'm sure an apology once DS is in bed will help.

So where do you go from here? Have you talked? Have you apologised?

I'm the least violent person you could meet and also like messing around winding people up. But if you'd threw a wet nappy at my face (even if badly aimed) I'd have be likely to throw it back at your face. I've got a lame sense of humour and find almost anything funny but that's just not. So I would apologise for that.

We have one long-standing and very hurtful (for me at least, probably him too) problem that simmers away. Every year or so we have a big argument about it, resolve to change things and then get back into the same pattern. Superficially completely unconnected to this incident, though.

No, as I said I am too upset to be around Ds, who is still awake.

I don't know if I have the words to talk this through. It feels too big.

Have you tried relationship counselling or individual counselling for this long-standing problem? Sounds like the pus from that particular boil seeps out and poisons the rest of your relationship.

So you're both pissed off with one another. How are you planning to move on from that?

It does.

I don't know kiri.

It sounds like you need to talk to a friend or professional, wonky. If it feels too big to find the words.
When you can, call someone.

I don't think I can, lady. I'm just such a big fucking failure at life.

What was he doing on the computer? Work, or something serious? Or just messing about?

Sorry you are so upset - you two sound as if you need some good old heart-to-hearting, and if it feels too big to talk about, would you consider couples counselling?

Well, apologise for the nappy incident initially. I wear glasses, and if something hits me to knock them off, it bloody hurts. The nose pads dig in to the side of your nose and it's exquisitely painful. I think I'd have reacted the same way, tbh.

The other relationship stuff needs talking about, definitely, but lobbing a wet nappy in to someone's face is hardly an act of friendship. Saying sorry might break the ice?

She threw the nappy joking about... Get a grip people!!!

Messing around Blu.

I would like to do couples counselling but we have no childcare for when it's available (evenings).

Are you not making this into a bigger issue than it needs to be? Surely the words are along the lines of 'I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking, it was a stupid and horrible thing to do. It won't happen again.'

Is there any need for all this drama about being a failure at life, too upset to see your son etc? Just get a grip, apologise like an adult, and move on with your life.

You sound very hard work tbh.

And I was at home because I left work early due to feeling exhausted and in pain (SPD). So whilst I wasn't angry when I chucked the nappy, I was annoyed with him. That's what I mean by PA.

I would go absolutely bat shit if someone threw a piss filled nappy at me. If a woman came on here and said a man had thrown a wet nappy at her everyone would be telling her to leave the bastard.