Cliches, arse ennui, new year hangovers and glancing at the sweet trolley. Dating thread 34!

[lubeybooby]

New thread time! Great timing with it being new years day...

Most of you know what to do... off you go!

Just in case you don't... just chit chat all your dating related stuff here. If you are new, just jump right in to the blethering. More the merrier!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :o

Hi Snail how are you?

I do have to say that I think this thread is extremely supportive. It's been a lifeline for me through various wobbles and crises. Okay, we can't predict the future and with the benefit of hindsight not all the advice is spot on ... but that doesn't really matter. People make up their own mind, do things their own way, and the rest of us are here to support them in the way that seems best to each particular poster. Maybe it's a bit sad, but I for one do genuinely care about what happens to people here. I've not actually been dating for a while but I stick around to see how people are getting on and to offer my two penny worth where I think it might help, because I want to and because people have helped me enormously by giving their time and advice. I think and hope that a lot of other people on here feel the same.

Snail - I agree, him cancelling tonight and lying about where he's been makes him a twunt. I'd forgotten that he'd cancelled before actually, I thought this was just a first 2nd date, not a rearranged one.

It's difficult though (NOT that I am siding with spaceboy on this) - when you're meeting people through OD you can have several conversations with several people going simultaneously. Sometimes you may end up arranging several dates in a week (or in the case of some on here, several in a day) - and what do you tell someone if they ask?

Is it fair to say 'I'm having drinks with a friend', or 'I'm having dinner with another girl/bloke from POF'. Until there is that discussion of exclusivity the other person is allowed to date someone else, as are you. This is why you shouldn't get all emotionally tangled with someone until after the 2nd or 3rd date when you can start thinking about exclusiveness.

I'm meant to see ShoeGirl tomorrow, which I'm looking forward to. I saw Miss Guinness last night which I ended up really enjoying, but we haven't yet set a date for date 2.

So if Miss Guinness asks me what I'm up to tomorrow - which is unlikely as we're not prolific texters, what do I say to be honest enough to not be a lying arse but also not to make her think I'm just playing at dating.

Tomorrow may go well or badly, I haven't met the woman yet. I don't want to cancel with the ShoeGirl because the ball is currently in MissG's court as to when and if she is free for a second date. I'd really like one of the two to work out so we can see other properly, for weeks or months or however long. But I'm not ready to choose one yet at the expense of the other when it's just too early.

Oh Arse hahahah so bloody true....that's what OD does to a 'lady'...

Just seconding what Bant said ^ up there at 16:23

Hope is all important, which is why its so disheartening when yet another arsehole comes along. with each one, and after online dating for so long, there has been a long stream of them.... it gets a little more crushed.

I dont think being un- naieve to peoples less than good sides can be anything other than a good thing, but its finding a balance between trusting blindly, and having your head on your shoulders. Online dating does mess with that, as people dont behave normally at all.

This thread is a place where people can, as my friends says ' release the crazy so the real world doesnt see', but i think thats sometimes forgotten, as bant put it with the swan thing ( very well put)

Now someone tell me what do I do with these bloody numbers???? I think Nomore had this issue recently and he turned out to be an arse too....do I text em or not? If I test they will have my mobile no...

soz text

Oh, is VelvetSpoon = Sponge? I was wondering where you'd got to. How disappointing that this guy turned out a bit rubbish - and how rude to let you sort out your house and put time and effort into making him a nice dinner.

I have always been wary of guys who have lots of female friends who comment on/like all over their Facebook. I always wonder what is wrong with the guy, as clearly there must be something, otherwise he'd have had romantic relationships with all or some of the women, and surely he must realise that if he has a whole entourage of enamoured groupies, it's not exactly encouraging for women who fancy him.

As far as mentioning DC on profile - really don't want to do that. I know it's rubbish to think oh the paedos, they are everywhere , but some do actually target unattached mothers. I just hope that I can find the right time to tell potential dates about my situation, ie before they get their hopes up...

I get the sense that we are all on the same page now ..good...it means that people who need the support will receive it!

Im good cheers western :) New house is fab, still loving the new job, had a good xmas.

bant - i dont think sponge even asked where he was, he said he was doing one thing, when he was out with somoene else, there really wasnt any need for him to say anything...... and yes, it was the re - arranged second date.

I totally get when just ' dating' you can do what you want and not have to say or explain to anyone. BUT, you dont cancel, late, two dates in a row, costing someone money, time and effort, its not on. IF he didnt want to see sponge again, he should have just said so, not messed her around.

Velvet sorry to hear that, it's crap.
Bant, I think re giving reasons for not going on a date, when you are meetin another date: I would rather someone said to me 'I can't make that day' or 'I've got other plans'. This would not be a lie. I am taking care of my darling children cos my ex-wife is ill IS a lie. If someone challenges you on your lack of availability in these early stages, not really a good sign...
Ike I have two phones. Back in the day the mil only had the no of one of them...she would have stalked me otherwise. I give out my no, having exchanged a few messages online, as I am planning on 'retiring' that phone at some point. Or get a PAYG sim for that purpose.

Have to say Unbridled I had the same concerns as you. However this is why it is important to have a good 6-8 months before introducing the kids and take it slowly..that way you are doing all that you can to insure you have a measure of the person before they become acquainted with the kids

Think Ill buy a cheapy tomoz then Parsley ...the thought did enter my head to do that...the one guy sounds quite interesting he is too young for me tho...not into all that MILF, Cougar stuff....done it and found it a bit underwhelming....

Snail - yep, agree. Spaceman is now SpaceTwunt. Sorry velvet that's what we're going to have to call him from now on if you're okay with that.

I had a date a three or so months back with a woman a few miles away in Ipswich, where we'd talked on the phone for ages, really got on with each other well, and we talked about online dating and how it was possible that no matter how well we got on via phone, email and text, when we turned up there just may be no chemistry

And we both agreed, if that was the case then no harm, no foul, it would be good to maybe be mates anyway, as long as we were honest about it. I even mentioned a time one of my friends had used her DS as an excuse to run out on a date, pretending he was sick, and we both said it was a shame people resorted to that, we knew each other well enough to just be honest.

So, we turned up, had the date, and disappointingly there was just no spark. Then suddenly her phone went and her DD was sick and she had to leave there and then.

So of course I opened the door for her on the way out and waved goodbye, and never heard from her again. Texted her later to hope her DD was okay, and then a few days later to ask if she'd like to catch up as mates. No reply. I saw she was online the next day though.

That annoyed me - the using sick DC as an excuse and lying about it even though we'd talked exactly about that beforehand. People lie to your face, knowing that you know, and it doesn't phase them. People get messed around for no other reason than they put themselves in a position to be messed around. Some people are crap.

Oh yes, I wasn't planning on introducing DD to anyone for a VERY long time. So should I let him know before meeting, making it clear I'm not looking for a substitute daddy?

Well I do now...yes I talk about the kids as a natural part of the convo but make it clear that really it is the relationship I am interested in and if in many months time it is the right thing to do then an introduction can be arranged. But I really am not interested in living with anyone for many many years...

banta I'm cool with Spacetwunt. I'm not sure if he lied last night exactly. I assumed he was spending the evening at home with his DC, his last text just said about having a busy evening because he was on a date, i'm sure he said that knowing I'd assume it was the DC who'd kept him busy.

Knowing that I think he's lying about tonight though, and either seeing the same one again or someone else local. And keeping me in reserve (and saving himself the £20 petrol money) til he gets more desperate .

I mean I'm cool with it as a name.

I'm not cool with him. Of course.

bant - it is, and thats the thing that fucks you off. Or makes you feel like shit.
Space twat lied, twice.

Sponge knew something was up, we should actually all be applauding her for having a fully working and effective twat radar :)

Its meant to be fun, not full of angst, if its causing so much stress and worry so early on, something is up. When it happens ( Notice i said WHEN, sponge :) ) it will be lovely......

I think one my memorable bad ones, where i had chatted online/ actual phone calls, texts, for about 6 weeks. We finally met up, it was great. Made plans for a second date, which he telephoned and cancelled an hour before arriving. I had done dinner for us both, cleaned the house to within an inch of its life, made lots of effort in my looks, sorted out a babysitter.... i was miffed, but gave him the benefit of the doubt. We re arranged, so, i did the same, meal, house cleaning, myself, babysitter. He sent me a valentines and everything, but then few things he said made me a bit warey. He vanished the night before the next date, no reply to texts, calls, notihng. I tried to think positivly, that we had a date, why wouldnt he be coming, so went ahead with it all. An hour and a half after he was meant to be mine he text to say he was in hospital. I called, no answer, text, no answer. Was all worried about him, asked if there was anything i could do. No answer.
Had a drun text off him later saying he wasnt in hospital at all. I text to say that i was disapointed as i had thought more of it. He replied that i was an idiot for doing so.
:(

Horrible.

urgh = not more of it, i meant i had thought more of him.

Yep Velvet that may well be the situation. I have in the past done a bit of a reservation thing myself and actually 'disappeared' to the loo on one lovely guy (just learned that I had failed an exam and simply was at my wits end but felt it my duty to turn up to the date.) Dont think I am a twunt.....but have done some not fab things and I do have a conscience about it. So yep Spaceguy is being a bit crap.....but not EVIL...

There we go then .....definitely NO DINNER at your house on a second date...meke sure THEY do the cooking...or arrange a take away when you see the whites of their eyes...

....makes me glad that I am a shite cook now...

Awww! Just got a text from Mr iPhone saying thanks and that he really enjoyed himself and hopes we can do it again :) he is a sweetie.

Cooolio Lubes!