Cliches, arse ennui, new year hangovers and glancing at the sweet trolley. Dating thread 34!

[lubeybooby]

New thread time! Great timing with it being new years day...

Most of you know what to do... off you go!

Just in case you don't... just chit chat all your dating related stuff here. If you are new, just jump right in to the blethering. More the merrier!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :o

Ok Cupid has just delivered me 2 29year olds ...one a venetian mask carver the other a film buff...dont really 'do' younger men tho...

I agree with Milk, don't engage with him again, if he wants to see you, he can put a bit of effort in.

Velvet lamb shanks and Eton mess, I'm in. There is some comfort in the fact that you had worked out he could be unreliable. This is the thing, again it has nothing to do with you.

The Major sent a lovely reply, he is indeed a nice man. We will meet up as friends.

Hey Juliette that is a lovely thing for sure..

Velvet sorry this has happened. Does sound a plausible excuse though. Have had similar happen to me with LM and have also had to cancel when child care arrangements have gone wrong. It's just difficult that it's so early on and you don't know if it's genuine or just flakiness.

unbridled email him a pic and go from there.
Do set up an email address which isn't anything to do with you or your work.

velvet yes please to the lamb shanks - I will bring booze

Juliette well done to the major and good for you.

Unbridled - I'd recommend as far as DC go, check the box which says you have them but don't talk about them in your profile text. Otherwise men who date you with the best of good intentions may be put off by the fact you lied about them - even a lie of omission is annoying.

Yes it will screen out men who don't want to get involved with a mum, but you don't want to get involved with them anyway. But not mentioning them at all may put off keen men at a later stage who would have been okay if you'd been upfront. And it may be more attractive to single dads who may not want anymore

Kudos on the stalking skills by the way.

Well, I didn't even need to wait til later. He's already tripped himself up, the moron. When he was supposedly looking after his DC, on the one night a week he has them, he was actually out with someone else. She's just written something about it on his wall.

Said he wasn't cleverer than me didn't I?!

Im making a short return.
velvet, im bloody sorry on your behalf. We have had the same experience with online dating, and its why i wont do it any more. Its upsetting, frustrating and soul destroying.
Hes a cock of massive proportions. and a liar. But that wont remove your hours spent on house work, shopping and planning for a meal. sorting babysitters etc....

You knew and you should have trusted your own judgements. I think sometimes this thread is not all that supportive anymore. Instead of people looking at the bigger picture - the man was awkward on the first date, got sponge to call him, vanished for a while, cancelled a second date, chatting and flirting with women on fb.. then went quiet and didnt answer her direct question about their date the next day. The writing was on the wall, sponge knew it too.
Yet you were all quick to judge, telling her to get a life, she was being desperate, and comparing her to the artist.
TBH, that makes her more insecure, as its making her question her gut feelings... and her gut feelings were spot on.

Being told to give someone the benefit of the doubt and believe what they say, when its glaringly obvious what they are saying is a pile of shite, is a bit crap.

Im fully aware im going to be roasted, yet again, for speaking my mind and saying something different to everyone else. But just imagine if that was you, You had been running around getting the house spotless, had planned a nice meal, had sorted childcare, had been looking forward to a second date... and all of your friends were telling you you were daft, to relax and trust this man who actually was indeed a wankbadger of the highest proportions.

Id be gutted, heck, ive been gutted as the exact thing has happened to me.

Sponge my lovely, id knock it all on the head for a while, men some people are fuckwits, and maybe some time spent with rl people who dont mess you about is whats needed.
Please delete him off your fb, learn to trust your own judgements ( because you are almost always correct) and try to have an ok evening.
much love
snail :)

Velvet yes you did. Not good enough for you on any level. Reciprocate with a delete and block whilst you are still angry.

Grinchie it's strange, I do think I could imagine myself naked with The Major but not in a serious relationship. Still, the door is open to meet up so I'll do that sooner than later which would be nice without the pressure to push it.

With Mr Vague, he isn't unattractive, I just don't 'feel' it but we also got on very well. I think the pouncing kiss thing put me right off, I hate feeling pushed into anything, there is a fine line between playful and sexpest. I'm very much used to the European 'I like you, if you decide you want to, in your own time' approach. I have never liked to drunken lunge thing, maybe because I had a hard time with that when younger.

Sponge, I'm sorry about him. Just remember, after the first date, you thought 'meh' anyway. He wasn't all that then, and now, I agree with Snail, he's a wankbadger.

And, for what it's worth, I worry about text messages when I like someone too- how many, too much, not enough, do you text first, do you wait for him. If I was in your situation with texting like you was with spaceman, I would have got excited too. He was very complimentary, put a lot of effort in at first, and he turns out to be a dick. I think you are handling it very well, I wouldn't have been able to resist messaging him and calling him on it yet.

snail I would say the majority of us just wanted Velvet to go easy on herself cos lets face it there is little you can do to influence others in OD. Therefore worrying about stuff beyond your control is pointless.

Doesn't take away the disappointment of a crappy ending and of course Velvet knows and has acknowledged our heartfelt sadness at that outcome.

He is.

And im sorry for that.
Thing is , when everyone around you is telling you to stop doubting someone, to trust them... that they have no reason to lie...
then you want to believe them.

Except online dating does seem to bring out the absolute worst in people and ive found in 4 years of doing it, that normal parameters of behaviour are not adheared to. So - those of you giving that advice, well meaning as it is, are probabaly those who havent online dated all that long, or who have been one of the lucky ones and have found someone quickly.

The best advice with regards to all this is : if you feel insecure, something isnt sitting right or you are worried or alarm bells are going off for some reason, then they are so for a reason. A bunch of people on the internet with, at best, and no offence intended, only shallow interest in caring, will not be the best judges.
do not listen to them, listen to yourself.
:)

becomes threads most hated person

I'm afraid, Snail, that you may have misinterpreted the advice given to Velvet, which was generally of the 'try to relax, if he's a knob, that's his problem' variety.

I'm not deleting him just yet. I will, but just biding my time...

I am massively fucked off with the whole thing though. She's yet another unattractive skanky chav clearly the level he feels comfortable with. Honestly, why them when he could have me? (the only advantage they appear to have is proximity...what a complete dick to choose convenience over anything else!) And why spend all that time chasing me?

So much for me being awesome, and stunning, and hot, and all the other stuff. Just the usual bullshit.

ike - i didnt read it like that,so many posts telling sponge to relax, trust him, believe him, give him the benefit of the doubt. There were less saying ' sponge, dont worry so much, if hes an arse, hes an arse, and if you dont feel comftable with whats happening, then stop it'
some even said she needed to get a grip, and to refer to the artist. eeekkkk.
hinting at her being desperate etc.....

not all that nice or supportive really.

Sponge knows it was a second date and means nothing really. However, she went to a lot of effort personally for the date, she text last night and he ignored her question...... bloody rude of him. And you cant apply normal rules of behaviour to online dating, anyone who has done it for any lenght of time will know this.

it was obvious.

to keep telling someone to ignore their gut feelings, which were in fact correct, is kind of underminding her really isnt it, and maybe not all that good for self esteem.

But thats just my opion.

Watchout I can see why you say that but I think most of the posts on here re the fuckwit were to try and reassure Velvet and support her through to a possible second date. The advice not to keep texting etc was sound, I don't think anyone said she should get a life and so on. It was hand holding and given that Velvet has had a long crap experience with OD was meant to re-assure her of her own worth and not to stress over whatever he did, or didn't do and not to chase him.

Had he been on the level, this would have been excellent advice, but he turned out to be a fuckwit. In all posts from anyone, we are getting the view via the posters view and from the outside there is no way of telling how much is the poster's perspective and how much is genuine fuckwittery by the third party. Hindsight is just that.

Velvet your instincts in this case were spot on.

mrs arse, some was, lots wasnt. Im not going to requote, but could do.
im not trying to cause an arguement, but maybe just want people to think that there is a real person, with real feelings, that this is happening too in real life.... when they give their advice.

Delurking just to say......

Velvet, he probably did think you were lovely, and hot, and a little too good for him, but he couldn't resist the 'bird in the hand'. It's good that you found out now before you've invested too much. And you have a lovely clean house and good food to use on someone special enough to deserve it - you!

So pamper yourself, have a lovely evening and console yourself with the knowledge that your instincts were spot on

Ok well each to their own opinion. I dont think anyone has deliberately set out to hurt Velvet, why would they? What is the point in that? Some are more plain speaking than others (you are one of them) but it does not mean that the sentiments were meant spitefully merely it is just giving an opinion.

Thing is I for one trust Velvet's ability to take on board advice in a really diplomatic manner-that is her professional strength and also seemingly her personal one too.There is no need to flame or 'roast' anyone on this thread.

juliette - yep. some was, like i said, i could go through and quote, but ive got stuff to do.

Yes, in real life it would have been great advice :)

But online dating doenst seem to refect real life in any way.
People act like arseholes most of the time.
People lie
people are strangers and you have no idea what their intentions are.

Im just saying that maybe its best to keep this in mind when trying to be supportive.
Not to blindly handhold, but maybe to be realistic, given the minefield that this is.

velvet knows what shes worth :)
which is why she was questioning behaviour which didnt sit quite right. Thats a good thing as far as i can see, and a marker of having a good, working, twat radar. To tell her to calm down, when her internal alarm system is going off, kind of isnt right.

Velvet/ sponge, sorry to talk about you as if you werent here. I dont mean it to be offensive in any way and i do hope it doesnt come across in that way. I just want people to maybe think a little before posting.

Velvet, I am going against the grain too

You do put too much emphasis on the contact side of things and the low opinion you have of fellow daters, which transfers into a low opinion of yourself. You have had one date, with a second lined up. He is free to date as many people as he wishes until he has the talk with one of them. I agree he is wanker, as he shouldn't have agreed to tonight and he shouldn't have lied to you about last night. But if he had been honest and said he was out on a date, what would you have said? I understand why he lied

I think it's a bit nasty to call someone an unattractive skanky chav just because she is also being wooed by this man. It's not her fault and could be anyone of us on here. Active daters will be speaking to many and meeting many.

He may have been truthful with saying you are lovely - we know you are - but after one date, he has no loyalty to you

I agree that maybe you should give up again for a bit. Getting so wound up about these men, which after all should be fun meeting and getting to know, isn't healthy for you. Maybe a little bit of your frustration is showing in your contact with these men. More than likely, they are all just fuckwits and you are unlucky. Whatever they are, your reactions to them are OTT - sorry but they are

|I really hope you find someone who makes you happy but I think you should take a break with OD for a while. I like what I know of you and I know what I have said won't go down well

I think this from Juliette
' In all posts from anyone, we are getting the view via the posters view and from the outside there is no way of telling how much is the poster's perspective and how much is genuine fuckwittery by the third party. Hindsight is just that. '

is especially germane

Velvet ' why them when he could have me? '
well, I'd say that 'unattractive skanky chav's' are just easier to manipulate and lie to, easy to keep the upper hand...