Cliches, arse ennui, new year hangovers and glancing at the sweet trolley. Dating thread 34!

[lubeybooby]

New thread time! Great timing with it being new years day...

Most of you know what to do... off you go!

Just in case you don't... just chit chat all your dating related stuff here. If you are new, just jump right in to the blethering. More the merrier!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :o

Milk I am the worst person to advise given the levels of my own paranoia. BUT the broke thing may well be true, I know lots of people who get paid mid-month who are scraping round for pennies now as overspent at Xmas.

Thinking about it though, if he was on a date, surely he'd be trying to avoid any chance of you phoning/texting during - saying he was just staying in cos he had no money sounds more like it was true than if he was giving you a reason not to contact him - if that makes sense?

Also does he have a PAYG phone, is it possible he is just out of credit? Or very low on it?

Banta good stuff, though shame about missing out on the kiss. Will you be asking MissGuinness for date 2, or are you going to see how it goes with ShoeGirl first?

Lubey well done, impressive stats.

Can I be needy please and ask what everyone thinks Spaceman's text means??

Velvet I think it means that he's had a busy night and has just read that you're going to sleep so doesn't think it's important to be arranging details and suchlike that you won't act on until the morning. But maybe I'm a little too face value.

Juliette - how was the ExW story 'odd'?

What - it sounds strange him coming out and telling you about the thing on the train like that, but from my experience when my eldest DC was a newborn and I took her to the shops, cooing at her in the trolley cot thing, some bloke reached out for something off the shelf, his arm came between me and my daughter, and I literally wanted to pounce on him, teeth bared, and kill him. There is a very primal instinct when it comes to protecting our children. I haven't hit or wanted to hit anyone else since I was 12 or so. I'd give the benefit on that one, apart from the pride which I think sounds a bit odd.

Velvet chill

Snape sorry about the appeal, hopefully the union can come up with something?

I'm not going to be any use to you, Velvet as I decided after 4 years of trying to decipher one particular man's various messages and trying to predict when he was going to ditch me again that it's pointless to read too much into a text.

It could mean ' work's gone mad, it's been chaos ' it could mean ' my Aunt Hermione has been nicked for ram raiding the village post office again and I've spent the evening at the cop shop bailing her out ' or it could mean ' I'm a knob and messing you about'. The one cast iron fact is that you stressing yourself out about it will not make one iota of difference apart from making you feel bad. Don't do it. Watch something funny. Juliette will be out with her fish if you're not careful.

Juliette Him being out with his mates wouldn't be much better frankly. Seeming as though he's told me he has no money.

Velvet Yes he has a PAYG phone BUT if he's at home (which if he's broke he should be) then he has a laptop so could easily message me on FB. I do that when my PAYG has ran out and he's messaged me.

I sound insane and I've honestly done everything I can to keep things as casual as possible. The thought of him being out with another girl instead of me is suddenly really upsetting me though. I'd rather he was honest about it if that's what he want's to do. I'm just hideously suspicious because thus far he has seemed too good to be true (apart from being so young) Plus I have no faith in my ability to keep a man's interest for more than 5 minutes anymore.

Alittle that was what I thought too, but I didnt know if I was spinning it too favourably.

Of course I don't need to know til some point tomorrow, I was really only saying it in the hope that if he wasn't coming I'd get 'Sorry Velvet, busy night, lots going on, don't know if I can make tomorrow, I'll explain in the morning' or something. But as I haven't I'm hoping its a yes. Especially as he's already cancelled on me once before!

Velvet.. hmmm

Sounds like he's had a mare of a day and hence is being a bit flaky. Doesn't mean tomorrow is off though, things might have happened today that mean he doesn't know exact timings for tomorrow but he is frazzled and can't figure out how to coherently say that.

That would be my take on it, as a frequently frazzled person.

Alittle said it better than me

And the irony of me being all ' Mrs Sensible' up there is at odds with Maris just signing in online and my heart rate actually increasing. So take no notice of me, I'm a fuckwit.

Velvet I'm afraid I'm no use to you in deciphering the text message. The one thing I can say is that I wouldn't text him again. No more asking about what you are doing tomorrow. You have asked, he knows you have asked and it's up to him to come back at you with an answer.

Seriously, handcuff yourself to a lamp-post if you must do but NO MORE TEXTS. I for one won't be texting manboy again. After all, I wouldn't want to interrupt his date.

snape sorry for slight delay in this thought but have only just caught up with thread.

Have you discussed with union whether your employers actions actually constitute Constructive Dismissal ? I believe that 'relocation beyond a reasonable daily travelling distance' is specifically covered by the CD legislation.

The important point there is that most employers will do practically anything to avoid a CD claim going to tribunal because of the size of the potential award.

Not wanting to stick my nose in and assume that you / your Union may have already considered it, but just in case it has been overlooked !!

Thanks all of you :)

This is his one night a week with his tiny DC, so it's quite possible stuff has gone on. Equally he might've had a couple of mates round, been chatting to other potential dates and completely forgotten about me I don't really mind. I suppose at the moment it's not a definite no, he's not said it's a maybe, and I'll assume it's on til he says otherwise (am reminded of Cuthbert who didn't text me to suggest what time to meet and where for Date 3 until 5pm on the day of the date ). I'll not worry, sleep easily and wait and see what he texts tomorrow.

Oh and thanks re: the stats.

I went for a different approach totally to what I've done in the past

I did a short, to the point and funny profile - did my best to totally avoid all cliches. I kept logging in and out to be at the top of the online list. I had a nice clear headshot as a pic. I said in the profile that I wouldn't be hanging around long because I hate OD, and put a slightly surreal joke at the end to test who had actually read it and give a bit of an opener/ice breaker

Seemed to work really well anyway and has certainly provided the answer to me wanting to meet someone but hating OD. Getting in and out before it annoyed me or brought me down was goood!

Velvet [thumbs up] I wouldn't worry either

Bant ExW story is complicated and could be taken more than one way. I have one side of the story which did seem credible but unusual.

Juliette - well it's one of those tough calls with any dating, I suppose. It's good to listen to your instincts if something is worrying you, but on the other hand, if you're over-reacting then you could drop someone undeservedly.
No risk, no reward. I can't really say anything wise and helpful on the XW story.

Velvet ok he has his DC. Leave it

Luby success!

Milk going for an impromptu (?) drink with your mates is cheaper and easier to sort out than a 90 minute journey. Unless you live in London in which case he is useless. Even if he is doing something, so ae you sure you want to know and would you call it off?

Juliette We do live in London. Well I do, he lives right on the outskirts, practically in Surrey.

It's not that I mind keeping it 'casual' of that's all it's going to be. I DO resent being lied to though. Also, I resent his attempts to break down the walls I have put up to protect my heart. I resent his hints of us going on holiday this year, his hints of coming up North with me to meet my horses, him asking me to come on his birthday night out later this month.

I'm probably being pathetic but I would like, just for once, for a guy not to turn out to be a heartless, manipulative c**t who just takes what they can get from me. More fool me for actually thinking, just for a moment, that he might be a decent guy.

I'm wary of saying too much as it requires detail and its someone's identifiable life. My instincts on him are good, it's the story itself which is 'unusual' and he was awkward telling it which would be understandable. It is often the women that behave badly,

Even before I knew about patterns of abuse from MN, my friends Mum gave me some advice in my twenties. Be wary of those couples you meet with the uptight/drunk/bitter wife where you think 'he's very nice but she's a bit odd' because sometimes it turns out years later the reason she was odd is him.

Millk just talk to him next time you see him, let him know what you want and what you don't i.e. be straight with you. Yes you could get hurt but that's the risk you take if you are going to go there.

He could be on the level in which case he may be with his mates saying 'she won't let me into her life, just gets me round last minute for a booty call when her flatmates are out, no you're not going to meet her she won't even come to my birthday bash' .

Juliette That was me! I was the evasive, bitter wife who didn't want to engage with anyone because I was terrified that if anyone got to know me they would find out what was really going on in our marriage.
Then I left and I've never felt happier.
Whenever I hear someone talk about their ex in any context I always try to imagine what their side of the story might be.

Milk I agree with Juliette about talking to manboy. Yes, there is a risk of getting hurt, but you've been hurt and upset tonight anyway. No harm in asking for what you want. At least you shouldn't have any more nights like tonight.

I get where you're coming from re the decent guy thing. I thought Spaceman was one, in fact a week ago I'd have bet money on it. Now I'm v doubtful.

I'm going to bed now because I'm thinking about him and the more I do I'm getting really annoyed. Not by tonight, or what he has or hasn't said to me, but by all these stupid girls he's 'friends' with - and I don't mean his ACTUAL friends, who seem nice enough, it's all these other potential dates. Who can't spell for shit and use the H (hun) word. Yet he said he wanted a relationship with someone who he can debate and discuss things with, who can challenge him Bullshit. I could understand it - though think he was a utterly shallow twat - if these other girls were at least model-beautiful, or massively well off. But they're certainly not the former, and I highly doubt they're the latter.

If he cancels on me tomorrow, because that's his comfortable little milieu, and I'm something scary and new (and probably the first woman he's ever met who is cleverer than him - and whilst he may not realise it, I very definitely am!) well fuck him. I'd like to see the other girls understand him when he uses words like reciprocity...

Now that's Velvet Blase

Am going to read this tomorrow when I'm stressing/upset (depending on developments) and try to remember exactly how I feel right now and why he so is not worth even a single tear.