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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cliches, arse ennui, new year hangovers and glancing at the sweet trolley. Dating thread 34!

999 replies

lubeybooby · 01/01/2013 17:54

New thread time! Great timing with it being new years day...

Most of you know what to do... off you go!

Just in case you don't... just chit chat all your dating related stuff here. If you are new, just jump right in to the blethering. More the merrier!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :o

OP posts:
Scattylatte · 02/01/2013 23:06

I'm glad I'm not alone and I'm so grateful for this threat. To be able to be emotionally incontient from the heart is a god send.
The men on pof who say 'let make love' are prize floaters.
yoga good luck with first day.

thatstripedthing · 02/01/2013 23:17

Hi, loooong time lurker with many a dating story to be told BUT, in this instance, what do you all make of a guy who comes off the dating site after the first date? We had a great first date - yes, great - but I kind of feel obliged to do the same. I like him, sure, but do I think he's the one? Not really.... I have been crap in that I had other dates lined up after him - which I went on, and also like one of these two. Confused

Nomorepain · 02/01/2013 23:20

Hey stripey - It's his choice to do it! You didn't make him. I don't think it's a huge gesture. Doesn't really take that long to set profile up again.

Don't feel obligated to him though. You do your own thing!!

thatstripedthing · 02/01/2013 23:23

Thanks nomorepain you are absolutely right, the setting up the profile thing does only take a few minutes done once or twice myself . I kinda also feel a bit whorish hanging around on these sites for a while, is that just me?

BantaBaby · 02/01/2013 23:35

Hi Stripe - take it down if you want to, but not because the bloke has. Some people on here just temporarily unhide their profiles, dip in, find people to talk to, then hide it again.

But don't do it just because he did. It could be because he's massively in love with you, in which case watch out, or because he doesn't want his wife to see him, or just because he doesn't want it there anymore. There's no exclusivity until you've got on well enough for long enough to have that discussion though.

Nomorepain · 02/01/2013 23:36

Yes I've been online for few weeks now and I feel bit weird putting myself out there to be judged!! Especially when it doesn't have the desired effect!!!

Nomorepain · 02/01/2013 23:42

Can I get a mans opinion please. Had a bit of chat with a nice looking man on match. Few years older than me, good looking, good job, ticks in all of my boxes. Not much banter prob 8 messages if that and he has just sent me his mobile number! What does that mean? Should I steer clear?

In fact don't know why I asked for a man - anyone's opinion!!!

BantaBaby · 02/01/2013 23:54

maybe he wants you to text him instead of sending emails backwards and forwards. We don't tend to be so protective of our numbers as women as we're not so worried about stalkers in invasion of privacy.

Some people don't do banter over email, they're better in person and vice versa. If you want to text him do it. If not, don't. Don't read too much into it though. It's not a proposal.

antonym · 02/01/2013 23:55

NoMore We need context, but after 8 messages it doesn't look all that red-flaggish to me. Not like asking for yours.

Nomorepain · 03/01/2013 00:01

Okay. Thanks. Just took me a bit by surprise! He looks really quite nice. Don't even know his name though!

That's a bit weird!!

Nomorepain · 03/01/2013 00:04

Antonym - no real context to give. I messaged him few days ago, then he winked at me then started messaging tonight. His messages have been very short. Not banterish at all but not horrible and he appeared to laugh (date I say lol) at my funny bits! Then nothing for about 20 mins then a message entitled my mobile with his number and a kiss.

BantaBaby · 03/01/2013 00:13

Well that sounds okay. Give him a text or a call if you want and see how it goes, or if you're not ready to do that, mail him and say you're not quite ready to give your number out just yet if that's ok. If he's nice, he'll get it.

Or text him and see how that goes.

Original poster
lubeybooby · 03/01/2013 00:14

I think that just means he wants to carry on chatting by text. I have done before if I'm happy enough and think we will meet soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
lubeybooby · 03/01/2013 00:14

or what Bant said!

OP posts:
BantaBaby · 03/01/2013 00:16

Remember people used to ask for people's landline numbers after netting them briefly at parties back in the olden days. And they got given them if you liked the look of him. And that was a landline, you couldn't even screen back then

BantaBaby · 03/01/2013 00:16

Meeting. Not netting. Different thing altogether

Nomorepain · 03/01/2013 00:18

Thanks!!

He's offline now so might text him tomorrow night. Don't want to appear over keen!!!

Original poster
lubeybooby · 03/01/2013 00:36

Just received 'Hay hun id love 2 sort u out regular lol'

OP posts:
ike1 · 03/01/2013 00:40

What a kind offer lubey!

Original poster
lubeybooby · 03/01/2013 00:45

I know! Hold me back!

OP posts:
VelvetSpoon · 03/01/2013 06:57

Nomore I agree you should text him (if you want to that is). And of course let us know how you get on!

Lubey hope today will bring something better than the above offer!

I am still being ridiculous over Spaceman. So much so I can't even bring myself to write it all down. I will fishslap myself some more over the course of the day and hope it helps.

I know my dad (who would have been 90 today) would have been furious at me getting in a state over a man...will try to channel some of his wisdom :)

VelvetSpoon · 03/01/2013 07:16

Actually am going to write it down in the hope it makes me see quite how ridiculous I am being, so apologies in advance.

At 10.30ish last night I text him saying I was going to bed, goodnight etc. I checked about 11, just before I fell asleep and he hadn't read my msg. He does usually text me goodnight.

Anyway so this morning he text me v early (must've been literally as he was getting up), saying he was tired as didn't get to sleep til after midnight.

Meanwhile he has updated his FB status about midnight saying something along lines of good things are happening. Twittery girl no. 1 has 'liked' this.

So I assume it refers to her and not me, and while I was asleep he was texting or chatting to her til late Hmm....ridiculous I know.

I just don't want to be played, my big fear in life is making a fool of myself and looking like an idiot (I have done this too many times).

BantaBaby · 03/01/2013 07:26

Or he could have done what I did the other night. Someone I'm meeting this weekend (ShoeGirl) texted me to say goodnight, going to bed, kiss etc about 11pm, and I didn't reply as she was going to bed

Didn't want to wake her.

Velvet as you know, there are vanishers and players on here. If you strongly think he is one, then step back from him and let him do all of the chasing.

Twittery Girl #1 may have 'liked' comments because she wants to get his attention. And yes he may be talking to you and the other two, that's allowed. So just be you. If you don't want to do FB 'liking' because it's not you, then don't do it. He gets to choose who he prefers of the three women he's talking to. I'm afraid that's fair. What you should be doing in this situation is also looking online to see if there is anyone else, still talking to Cuthbert etc, so you're not putting all your eggs in one basket.

MsArsebiscuit · 03/01/2013 07:27

( I woke up at 5 and couldn't get back to sleep, fretting about Maris, that's how much of an idiot I am ).

It's very, very easy to torture yourself with imagining things you can't possibly know, see above. It is pointless, you can't do anything about what he does/doesn't do, all you can take control of is your own reaction to it. When you feel your imagination running away with you, recognise it and make a conscious effort to talk to yourself logically, in the way that you would with a friend, or someone on here who is asking for advice. God help me but I have to do this with myself ( I would bore you rigid and sound completely hatstand if I told you my full story ).

VelvetSpoon · 03/01/2013 07:36

Banta you're right of course. It's not the lack of a goodnight that worries me, it's the bloody FB thing. Or rather that the FB thing (which was sufficiently ambiguous that it may in fact have nothing to do with dating!) refers to someone else and not to me...

MsA you're also right, it is pointless torturing myself! I will try to stop, and view it in the third person, and hopefully more rationally :)

It's this thing of not looking stupid, of being played, of men getting one over on me. I feel like I'm constantly trying to catch them out, all ready to go 'aha, see the stuff you said, it's all bullshit'. I'm not sure there are enough fish in the world to slap me with!