Well I guess the title explains the thread. You'll have to excuse my clumsiness, I'm new here. Been reading and hovering for a while,but now am after some help, advice and support and no idea where to turn.
About 4 weeks ago I became suspicious that my husband was cheating on me. I had no proof, but my gut instincts were that something wasn't right, when he deleted a whole load of texts/call history from his phone before handing it to me as I wanted to look on it for a particular app. I also found a condom in his wallet about that time (he told me it had been in there for ages, since before we were trying to conceive our son, I'm not convinced it had been).... Two days ago, his phone bill came. Hundreds of pounds(!) of calls all to one mobile number. So I did the obvious and called it. My world is now shattered. He assures me that it's never been physical, that he's never met the OW. They met in a chat room, and exchanged details and its only been a month.
I am struggling to get my head around this. He has apologized and said he wants to be with me. He has deleted her details from his phone. I have said I am not leaving, and I have said that if he really does love me and want to still be with me I will try to work past this with him. We have a 3 year old son. We have been together 17 years and have been married for 8... i don't want to walk away from all that without a damn good fight for the future that we planned before he f**d it all up.
I am so angry, hurt..... devastated.
I would love some advice. He has agreed to go to Relate, and I was fortunate to get an appointment for tonight, so there's no backing out of that now.
I really would ask that people who wish to post "I should walk away and leave" refrain from adding those messages to the reply. I have made the decision to stay and try (not to say that it will end that way, but I feel I owe it to my son, if it all ends to be able to honestly say that I did everything I could to save my marriage)
I want advice on how to stop myself screaming at him every time I see him. I am so so hurt. I want to know know how to figure out where I start from. I want to know how other people in a similar situation have worked past this, and how to deal with the families. My family are refusing to speak to him as he lied to me 4 weeks ago when I asked him if was cheating then (and I defined cheating to him, and told him I felt that texts/calls and hiding things was as much cheating as a physical encounter). My in-laws have phoned him to say "they are on his side".... I feel like screaming at my family that "It's my decision to stay and that refusing to talk to my husband now, only impacts on my state of mind and my son" and screaming at my in-laws that "there shouldn't be sides!"
Sorry it's such a long post, I appreciate the time it would take to read.
Ellie x (Not my real name, but I felt like I needed to sign out)