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Original poster

Mixed messages.......going nuts

326 replies

A1980 · 19/12/2012 15:53

Supposed to be on "a break" with bf. I know I know it probably spells the end.

He has a lot of issue: unemployment, illness etc.

I expected no contact but so far I've had texts every week calling my by his special nicknames for me and most recently a card and present left at my office for Christmas with a note in the card saying lets trust 2013 is a great year.

had enough of mixed messages

wwyd?!

OP posts:
Dottiespots · 01/01/2013 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
A1980 · 01/01/2013 21:31

I know he's not coming back which is why I'm so miserable.

Never mind. did you se my pm angel?

OP posts:
Dottiespots · 01/01/2013 21:37

Whoops..,no ....sorry....will go now.

FaffTastic · 02/01/2013 23:24

How are you feeling today A1?

Original poster
A1980 · 02/01/2013 23:55

Still very hurt and heartbroken.

I went swimming today & realised my too tight suit was now too big. I have lost 6kg (over a stone). I look great. nothing like a break up!!

Faf how do you stand the yearning for them. its awful & not getting any better.

OP posts:
likeatonneofbricks · 03/01/2013 01:53

A, what do you mean 'non-commital as always' - did he know that you were interested in r-ship? I'm sure he knew, otherwise it would make no sense for you to be heart-broken Hmm.
As to the yearning - yes it's hell, happened to me once as badly as this, only time and distraction helps, finding something enjoyable to do. Accept it will hurt as hell, listen to some love songs and cry a bit to get it out of the system but the advice in books is to set a time for it each day rather than try to stop yourself, eventually keep shortening this time slot - it sounds silly but it helps.

Beaverfeaver · 03/01/2013 03:04

I had never ears of these 'rules' before, but just checked thm out.

Seem quite archaic to me, but I did like 'love only those who love you'

How do you stop from loving someone when you realise they don't?

And I am pretty sure the guys play these 'rules' better than anyone, and that's what gets people into these mixed messages problems in the first place.

If only people were just honest and truthful about their feelings from the start and not scared (pointing fingers at the men now)

Dottiespots · 03/01/2013 03:30

The Rules might seem old fashioned but just like the book "Hes just not into you".... and many other modern day dating books,they explain where women go wrong and how women stop a relationship in its tracks before it even has a chance to devolope. Not saying they are perfect but you either read the book and "get it" or you dont. Works for some, maybe not for others.

Beaverfeaver · 03/01/2013 03:49

Oh dear: www.therulesrevisited.com/?m=1

Beaverfeaver · 03/01/2013 03:49

www.therulesrevisited.com/?m=1

Dottiespots · 03/01/2013 21:01

therulesbook.com/

Original poster
A1980 · 06/01/2013 17:10

Dear John email this morning.

Guess.you all.wanna.say I told you so. Sad

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 06/01/2013 17:41

Actually I think what most people are carefully restraining themselves from saying is "thank goodness the mind games are over, now you can get on with healing". I think in a while, looking back, you'll realise that not knowing what the heck was going on was more painful than knowing it was over. But it still sucks, and you have my sympathy.

Doha · 06/01/2013 18:15

What a cowardly way to end things you would have at least deserved a phone call...Hmm
But as Annie says thank Goodness now you can start to grieve properly for the end of the relationship and move on.

Original poster
A1980 · 06/01/2013 18:19

We spoke yesterday and he wanted to end it but wasn't 100% sure said for the moment he can't see a way forward feeling sick at the thought of never seeing me again.
arranged to meet to discuss (my idea).
Then the email. oh well.

OP posts:
Doha · 06/01/2013 18:25

As l said bloody coward.
Please don't meet up with him now. You have nothing to gain...

Original poster
A1980 · 06/01/2013 18:28

He doesn't want to now.

You were right the texts meant nothing...he wanted to be nice.in giving me the gift he already got me for Christmas........Shock

OP posts:
Snazzynewyear · 06/01/2013 22:52

I think most posters just want you not be be hurting with all this any more. And if he finally makes his mind up then at least you know where you are and as Annie and Doha have said you can grieve and start to move on. He is spineless and you will do better.

WinkyWinkola · 06/01/2013 23:13

You know, even if he said yes let's get back together, you'd feel doubt and nervous. He can't pull the rug from under you again.

So, now is your chance to really bloom away from this lily livered specimen. He's been through so much and yet can't give you the respect and time aside from a Dear John? Dearie me. That's lame.

It's time to shrug him off and do your own thing.

Original poster
A1980 · 06/01/2013 23:42

Snazzy he has made his mind up..he email was very final.

OP posts:
Original poster
A1980 · 06/01/2013 23:54

Its my fault for flogging a dead horse so long....should have let it go when I had the chance instead of going on a break. it was obvious as you all said that he didn't want me. I have only myself to blame.

OP posts:
Snazzynewyear · 07/01/2013 00:22

It's not all your fault. And tbh it doesn't matter. What matters is that you focus on you now instead of him.

Original poster
A1980 · 07/01/2013 00:28

It was mainly my fault towards the end. the early stuff maybe not...

Towards the end he clearly didn't wanna be with me and I should have let it go but I didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
A1980 · 07/01/2013 00:33

He clearly wanted to break up and I clung on for dear life. it was silly.

I don't know why he kept texting me using my nickname.....it confused me. but the rest was my fault. he wanted ti break up, I should have agree the first time and the next time etc.

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 07/01/2013 16:31

A1980, don't be hard on yourself. It just didn't work out, end of. There's no point trying to understand it, or him.

I have just given this advice on another thread, but I think it applies equally to you.

Wine, duvet, Marion Keyes books, & long walks.