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Mixed messages.......going nuts

326 replies

A1980 · 19/12/2012 15:53

Supposed to be on "a break" with bf. I know I know it probably spells the end.

He has a lot of issue: unemployment, illness etc.

I expected no contact but so far I've had texts every week calling my by his special nicknames for me and most recently a card and present left at my office for Christmas with a note in the card saying lets trust 2013 is a great year.

had enough of mixed messages

wwyd?!

OP posts:
A1980 · 31/12/2012 23:30

Kinda different though.

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/12/2012 23:47

It's not really, A1980. It's about a woman trying to come to terms with what her partner has done. She wasn't expecting him to leave, but he did. She's asking herself how he could have done this. You're asking the same things yourself and you're (in my opinion), re-writing your history a little, trying every which way to portray the man who's hurt you as somebody 'not so bad' who really, deep down, is committed to you. You want the posters here to agree with you because that would give you 'strength' to hold on, it would bolster you.

I'm truly glad that nobody here is doing that. It would be a huge disservice to you. Your pain is palpable, everything you write screams it out, but you're not facing it, not really. You're believing somewhere that you've stopped accepting his behaviour, that you won't accept game-playing any longer and that he would need to come back to you and do the running. What you're not prepared to believe is that he won't, that he doesn't care for you - not on ANY level.

In a way, he's done you a huge favour, he's stopped contact with you - completely. He could keep you dangling so easily because you want him so much. His refusal to lean on you, stay in touch, text you, ring you, whatever, is what will eventually set you free. Well, it will set you free if you let it. You really need to stop dwelling and stop wallowing now. It's over, OVER. It really is. What will you do now to move on with your life?

If I were with you now, I'd give you a hug - then I'd give you a shake and not pander to your role playing of devoted girlfriend. You're not his girlfriend, he's not capable of having one so stop writing yourself in that role. There will be a man out there for you who is just right. He can't find you right now because you're not ready and you're not the person that you really are at the moment.

Please A1980, take stock, objectively, get some help and stop obsessing over this muppet. He doesn't love you, doesn't want you and doesn't need you. You deserve someone who does, you really do. This is said with kindness and compassion - get a grip before you alienate all your RL friends and family and start getting over this non-entity.

A1980 · 01/01/2013 00:01

Thanks for taking the time. I know how I sound. I don't want to live anymore. I was depressed anyway with my.lot in life.

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/01/2013 00:09

A1980... Happy NEW Year. It IS a new year and it could be a great one for you. Why don't you want to live? Do you really want to give this one person who isn't worthy of you anyway, the excuse of you not living anymore? Really? What about the people in your life who really do love you? Does their opinion of you not count?

This man is damaged. You know that. He's not even very nice, no matter what you say. You're painting him as some kind of tortured soul when all that he is is damaged and better off by himself not hurting anybody else.

Please don't let another day go by where you haven't been back to your GP and demanded help. Ring the Samaritans too, they will help you, talk you through your pain. I know how you're feeling, I really do, I've been there. I'd not go back to that time for anything but I'm shivvering at the remembrance of it all.

What do you need to help you get through this? I'm not great at advice, I'm a bit blunt sometimes, but I'm genuine and if there's anything I can feasibly do to help you, I'll do it. I can't stand by and hear your pain and not try to help. What do you need?

A1980 · 01/01/2013 00:18

PM me. don't want to say it all in open forum.

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Dottiespots · 01/01/2013 00:21

Hi A.....heres to a brilliant 2013 full of new friends, new experiences and a brand new start. Make the most of it and let the past go.x

CinderellaMumsnet · 01/01/2013 00:23

A1980
So sorry that you're feeling this way - really hope you can get some support both on MN and indeed in RL there is a list of folk who can help here
Happy New Year to you, feel sure it will bring good things for you.

Snazzynewyear · 01/01/2013 00:26

You can be in a much better place by this time next year, OP, you really can. Ring the Samaritans or whoever's best and just talk to someone.

CabbageLeaves · 01/01/2013 00:32

A1980- wishing you a strong 2013 Go forwards and take positive steps :)

A1980 · 01/01/2013 00:46

I've with my parents. I'm Ok.

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Dottiespots · 01/01/2013 00:50

Good....Im glad your with them A. Weather you realise it or not you mean a great deal to your Mum and your Dad and if you were to be not living how do you think they would feel. They love you and they have been there for you and are there for you now because they love you .

Dottiespots · 01/01/2013 00:53

This will pass, this horrible time and you WILL go on to have a good relationship/marriage/poss children with a man who loves you and you will look back on this bad time as just that.....a bad dark time but not worth throwing it all away for cause the good times will come and you will see that this man was not worth your time or your tears.x

A1980 · 01/01/2013 00:53

They are sick of talking about it and my mum doesn't think its hopeless with him. so not a great scenario.

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A1980 · 01/01/2013 00:54

Id never do anything.....life just feels pointless at the minute.

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Dottiespots · 01/01/2013 00:56

he he....yes we parents do get sick of listening to the woes of our kids love lifes but we would still feel absolutely and completely devastated if we lost one of our children for they are everything to us and we love them to bits and out lives would almost not be worth living if our children were to not be living. Do you understand x

Dottiespots · 01/01/2013 00:57

I know it does but it will pass.....I promise you.

A1980 · 01/01/2013 01:02

Perhaps I should write to him and tell him where I'm coming from and to let me alone... because I can't stand the messages coming in. makes me feel worse.

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Dottiespots · 01/01/2013 01:06

You should not write to him your just wanting reasons to contact him. Just barr him on your phone then he can no longer text you....he can only ring you.

A1980 · 01/01/2013 01:07

My phone doesn't work like that. i can bar calls but not texts I think.

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Dottiespots · 01/01/2013 01:16

Go to your list of people , if you have an android touch screen you press down on the name and a list of options should come up and one of them is..."block caller". Do try it on someone elses name first just in case you accidently phone them. Then all texts should be barred but they can still ring you. Its usually ringing that you are not able to barr....only your network provider can do that. Plus if he trys to text you then, he will get a note saying he is unable to send text to that number. That will either cause him to give up or to ring.

Dottiespots · 01/01/2013 01:17

my english is really good normally just goes wrong when i type online lol

A1980 · 01/01/2013 01:21

No mine only has blacklist call barring

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Dottiespots · 01/01/2013 01:22

ooooo....lucky you. Wish I did.

Dottiespots · 01/01/2013 01:23

You know...New Years Eve is one of the worst nights of the year for those who are unhappy!!!!! So thats why i say to you that this will pass.

A1980 · 01/01/2013 01:25

I can't block texts though which is annoying.

I disagree Christmas was the worst. we had loads of stuff planned....all I had to do was keep quiet but I picked a fight for nothing

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