Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Mixed messages.......going nuts

326 replies

A1980 · 19/12/2012 15:53

Supposed to be on "a break" with bf. I know I know it probably spells the end.

He has a lot of issue: unemployment, illness etc.

I expected no contact but so far I've had texts every week calling my by his special nicknames for me and most recently a card and present left at my office for Christmas with a note in the card saying lets trust 2013 is a great year.

had enough of mixed messages

wwyd?!

OP posts:
Original poster
A1980 · 31/12/2012 00:52

I've accepted I'll never see him again and that's why I've hit the sadness stage. I am aware how nuts I sound. he hasn't contacted me for a couple of weeks after me asking him what's going on.

The hard thing for me is I got ill at the same time this happened. I have a viral thing that will take week to clear. I tried going to the gym and I felt as if I would throw up. I can't even run off my frustration.

For my own sake I am not reading into anything.

I have never had break ups like this before. the previous ones were cold and clinical, its over now go.

I told my GP what happened to him and he said that is majorly depressing.

As you can tell I am worried for my sanity.I have never taken a break up so hard before. I have to find a way to put this behind me. going to bed with a sleeping pill at least unconscious for a while....wish it would be for a long time.

OP posts:
Original poster
A1980 · 31/12/2012 01:03

My GP said that what happened to him would be majorly depressing sorry.

I remember alienating friends and family when I was unemployed due to the stress and worry. I wasn't sick and bereaved though.

But I know. its a head Fuck and it won't work so this is why I'm majorly depressed.

OP posts:
Dottiespots · 31/12/2012 01:04

No nothing is ever clear cut but there is nothing to be gained by blaming yourself for everything. He would be with you if he wanted to be....but he doesnt. You dont know what he is thinking but Im sure he wasnt perfect throughout the relationship himself. There is nothing you can do now except respect yourself and not allow someone to make you feel soooo bad.

Dottiespots · 31/12/2012 01:10

But A "you are reading into it"!!! Toooo much and you are overthinking it and going over it and over it. Look back at this thread and look at your previous thread on it too. Its all the same thing and you are making yourself ill. And now you are talking about wishing that the sleeping pill would make you sleep for longer than a night and you have referred to being afraid of the way you feel as well. I know you just want and need to talk and get it all out on paper and thats understandable but seriously......stop hurting yourself.

Original poster
A1980 · 31/12/2012 01:23

I know.

He wasn't perfect but with him it was omission rather than act. he took me for granted and when I pulled him up on it he was genuinely surprised at what he'd been doing. for a couple of months he'd been forgetting the most simple things. he was stressed out and worried. when he realised he'd taken me for granted he was very upset and cried. there's genuine emotion there but its fubar. (fucked up beyond all reason).

I just wanna stay asleep so I don't have to feel hurt.

OP posts:
Dottiespots · 31/12/2012 01:25

Sweetheart.....the hurt will go, you know it will, just needs more time to pass.

Dottiespots · 31/12/2012 01:27

Youve done really well to not contact him and should be very proud of yourself ....do you know that? Alot of ladies would have gone down the bunny boiler route and kept contacting him and asking him again and again and again what is happening etc......so really well done you.

Dottiespots · 31/12/2012 01:30

all you can do is wait and see what unfolds. When hes feeling better maybe he will contact you but at the moment he isnt feeling anything .

Dottiespots · 31/12/2012 01:30

Go to sleep now and let the tablet do its magic. Nighty night.l

Original poster
A1980 · 31/12/2012 01:34

I know that is all I can do. I told him when he wanted a break that he shouldn't expect me to chase him and I haven't and won't.

He texted me only 3 days into it and has texted every week since. When he dropped the card off that surprised me so I texted to ask what wsss going on and shouldn't we talk. silence from him. oh well Fuck off then ....I ain't chasing you.

OP posts:
Original poster
A1980 · 31/12/2012 01:41

The tablet isn't working Sad

OP posts:
Dottiespots · 31/12/2012 01:44

buggers....when did you take it

Dottiespots · 31/12/2012 01:46

make sure your in bed lying down so that you are allowing the tablet to do its thing....ok

Original poster
A1980 · 31/12/2012 01:55

About half sn hour ago.....

OP posts:
Dottiespots · 31/12/2012 02:38

says very quitely......are you asleep???

Original poster
A1980 · 31/12/2012 11:02

Yes. slept like a log but can't get outbof bed now. want this to end.

OP posts:
Original poster
A1980 · 31/12/2012 16:00

Hey guys... thank you for you for your support.

I have again driven myself nuts today reading all of our old text messages, over 1500 of them. I was going to delete them all hence looking at them one last time.

It was heartbreaking to read....we were so immensely and immeasurably close and had a strong bond. I've never had a bond like it with anyone else. I can even see if from the text messages exactly where it went wrong...round aobut the time he had the family war and the deaths I would get texts saying, I've had a hellish day again trying to sort everything out, hours on the phone, feeling really drained and he was putting me off saying he couldn't talk right now as he had too much rubbish to sort out. I backed off and left him. It stayed like that and we enjoyed our holiday abroad and when we came back from those 5 days we were renewed only for him to end up in hospital a week or two later and for his job to end too leaving him with nothing. It was never the same after that. It's so clear from the way we spoke to each other...there are clues all over the text messages and I just didn't see it or couldn't have known how bad it was going to get for him.

I can see how it happened and i guess the bond we had wasn't strong enought to survive but this is why it is so hard to get over as it was external factors.

I've kept strong and not contacted him. It's a year to the day today that we first communicated which is hard for me.

Shall I just leave well alone or for my own sake just send a letter explaining how I feel but tellig him I know it's over.

OP posts:
CabbageLeaves · 31/12/2012 17:22

I'd normally advise cutting contact completely but tbh the more you divulge the more I can see how this is really unfinished business for you. Write the letter

You don't have to send it Wink

Seriously... Write it. I think writing could get it all out for you

Original poster
A1980 · 31/12/2012 20:20

he just Included me in a text to all of his friends wishing me happy new year. In floods of tears on the sofa wondering what is going on.

So was it an accident or.not. should respond?

OP posts:
Snazzyfeelingfestive · 31/12/2012 20:25

Throwing you crumbs, I'm afraid. If anything else would have been an individual message. Don't reply. That way he will wonder what you are doing not the other way round.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/12/2012 21:01

What Snazzy said. He's included you in a 'round robin' text for new years wishes, like everybody else does. Please don't demean yourself by responding and, allow yourself tonight to 'grieve' then dry your tears because he just isn't interested and never will be.

Original poster
A1980 · 31/12/2012 21:22

You're right. I'm not replying. Had it been a personal one just to me, I may have replied.

I am getting tired of this. The "break" was supposed to be until New Year or so until he sorts his mess out. Dates and phone calls were little fun before this as he was so miserable about his lot and he was clearly depressed. I can see it as I have been depressed following the break up.

So he can contact me properly or not but I'm through with this game playing shit.

OP posts:
Snazzyfeelingfestive · 31/12/2012 22:07

Stick with that position. You will be better for it than him in the long run. Wishing you much better people in your life in 2013 - look out for them. This guy is not good enough for you, believe me.

Original poster
A1980 · 31/12/2012 22:28

It's so evil though. when I've broken up with people I wouldn't dream of contacting them or hurting them anymore than I already had.

I guess that makes me a better person.

OP posts:
Snazzyfeelingfestive · 31/12/2012 23:13

I read this the other day (DM link, sorry) and you might get something from it. Talks about how people hurt those they one loved to justify their behaviour.