Marriage breakup, an affair, what a mess :-(

[onlyjustgettingby]

My marriage broke up at the end of last year, after years of me being unhappy.

My husband had several affairs during our marriage and by the end I not only didnt fancy him any more, but I lost all respect for him, I met someone else which gave me the kick to leave last year (I didnt leave for the other person, I just knew that it was the end)

I met someone else in March this year, we clicked immediately and the sparks were literally flying all over the place. We have been seeing each other ever since and have fallen head over heals for each other.

I dont want to move in with anyone else, I dont want the kids to have another father figure (they have a Dad) I am happy keeping my relationship completely separate from the kids.

And this is where it gets dirty.. he has a wife and 3 kids. He has a nice life and he loves his kids, and he loves his wife too.

He doesnt want to leave and I dont want him to leave, but we seem to be falling for each other further and further.

I cant imagine life without him, I dont want to live without him in my life, I feel like he is my soulmate and I think that one day we will be together.

I know that what we are doing is very wrong and I know that I will get completely flamed, but I dont know what else to do.. I cant funtion without knowing that he is in my life somewhere. We have ended things several times because 'its the right thing to do' but then we miss each other so much that we always get drawn back together again.

I would really appreciate some advice. I know the usual, and what we 'should' be doing, but we have tried that and it doesnt work :-(

PottedShrimp, what would you do if you had a friend who wasnt so perfect and perhaps had an affair? what if she became suicidal? would you call her all the names under the sun as you have me, or would you be a friend to her?

And dont tell me none of your friends would ever do that, because I wont believe you, lots of people do it. They arent likely to tell you though, with you being so judgemental :-(

If I am 'just a fuck' to him, then he is to me too.

As a lot of you seem to know me so well and all that :-)

How/where did you meet him ?

Your sarcasm isn't masking your anger very well OP.

You wouldn't be posting on here if you was happy with the choices you have made.

You can change your behaviour. You are responsible for what you are doing and capable of controlling yourself.

.....rather like your friends who won't tell you what they really think of you, especially the ones who know about your affair.

Mumsnetters don't give a fuck whether you like them or not, so will tell it straight.

Apart from everything else, I couldn't be friends with a woman who used this many pathetic smilies and sad faces. Sign of someone who's passive aggressive and who has a bad vocabulary....

Save yourself some aggravation and end it before his wife finds out. Because she will. You are both kidding yourself big time if you think she won't. You think things are a mess now, you ain't seen nothing yet! Think about that when you're next in blissful mid-sesh. Haven't done it before, won't do it again - that's what they all say.

Also you will in the end lose respect for him and won't trust him either, because if he is prepared to deceive his wife like this, in the end you will realise that he is capable of deceiving you in the same way. Couples who get together as the result of an affair never really trust each other for this reason because deep down they always remember how they got together.

You say you're very happy with your independence, but when his wife finds out and boots him out he'll be knocking at your door and sudeenly he will become a whole lot less attractive.

OP really if this is making you feel suicidal then really you need to seek professional help (saying this in a genuine way)

I am not going to say how or where I met him, I wont give away too much information.

I dont have anger, more sadness really, at the whole situation, how I can sort it out, what I can do for the best to everyone.

I can understand why some want to lash out and try and hurt me though.

You are deluded OP - mocking those who say it as it is - as blunt as they have.

What do you think you are to him - his ever lasting love?!!

Sorry, but you are just an 'extra', a side order. I doubt his wife has her pinny on next to the sink. He probably does the dishes every night!
Good luck to you and may your bubble burst quick and loud. You deserve it. You sound like you need the attention.

Badinage you couldnt be friends with someone who used smilies and sad faces on an internet forum?

Think ive heard everything now !

op I think you need to take your head out of your arse and really think about what you are doing. You know what it's like to be shat from a great height so wtf are you doing this? think about his bloody kids ffs

I feel like he is my soulmate and I think that one day we will be together so you will be able to trust him 100% will you knowing he thinks with his dick and does not give a fuck about his wife and kids?

you are being used, do you really not see this? if not then nobody can help you

Itwasntmemum

Re the pinny:
It was a figure of speach :-)

i bet you met him online.

How to sort it out?

Block and delete then book some councilling for yourself to get back on track. You need to be there for your children OP, they come first.

(once again said kindly)

Are you suicidal?

Don't kid yourself that the only reason people don't like you is because they've been hurt by actions like yours. I'm not in that camp. Been in a happy marriage for donkeys years.

Some of us don't like you because of the way you come across.

Right think I need to go :-)

Sorry to anyone who has been offended by:

• smily faces
• sad faces
• me answering questions
• me not answering questions
• me using figures of speech (i.e. pinny in the kitchen)
• me admitting I like sex
• me not concentrating on raising my children and not having sex with anyone ever again
• me coming on here and being honest
• me not coming to a decision today, here and now about what I am going to do
• anything else that I have missed

Thanks to everyone who contributed :-) :-) :-)

Your posts are among the most arrogant, pathetic and self-serving I've ever seen. Thoroughly unpleasant and unlikeable.

This is how you sort it out-

You finish the relationship.

You take sometime out of relationships altogether and once you have healed from your own marriage look for someone single.

Simple. No drama required.

If he was just a fuck to you you wouldn't care about him doing the washing up with his wife.

OP - unfortunately pussyfooting around has not worked for you on this thread. So straight talking is exactly what you need.
Don't be deluded and think your dc won't find out either. Because when it comes out, everybvody will know, and everybody will be discussing it.