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Original poster

Marriage breakup, an affair, what a mess :-(

526 replies

onlyjustgettingby · 18/12/2012 11:53

My marriage broke up at the end of last year, after years of me being unhappy.

My husband had several affairs during our marriage and by the end I not only didnt fancy him any more, but I lost all respect for him, I met someone else which gave me the kick to leave last year (I didnt leave for the other person, I just knew that it was the end)

I met someone else in March this year, we clicked immediately and the sparks were literally flying all over the place. We have been seeing each other ever since and have fallen head over heals for each other.

I dont want to move in with anyone else, I dont want the kids to have another father figure (they have a Dad) I am happy keeping my relationship completely separate from the kids.

And this is where it gets dirty.. he has a wife and 3 kids. He has a nice life and he loves his kids, and he loves his wife too.

He doesnt want to leave and I dont want him to leave, but we seem to be falling for each other further and further.

I cant imagine life without him, I dont want to live without him in my life, I feel like he is my soulmate and I think that one day we will be together.

I know that what we are doing is very wrong and I know that I will get completely flamed, but I dont know what else to do.. I cant funtion without knowing that he is in my life somewhere. We have ended things several times because 'its the right thing to do' but then we miss each other so much that we always get drawn back together again.

I would really appreciate some advice. I know the usual, and what we 'should' be doing, but we have tried that and it doesnt work :-(

OP posts:
ErikNorseman · 18/12/2012 15:11

Yeah, that's why you sound like a dick Hmm

You know what? you are a selfish twat and I'm bored of engaging with you. Get fucked by your married man, gloat in how speshul you are and how thick his wife is, pretend that nobody will ever get hurt (least of all innocent children) and carry on going 'lalala' until it all goes to shit. But as long as you're 'having fun' and 'making the most of yourself' eh?

JustFabulous · 18/12/2012 15:11

You don't need people to be lovely to you when you are fucking someone elses husband.

Original poster
onlyjustgettingby · 18/12/2012 15:16

'Op, did it ever occur to you that you are a selfish skank? '

Selfish, yes, skank, no :-)

OP posts:
PottedShrimp · 18/12/2012 15:17

And worrying about losing your looks says it all really. If you were 60 and you met someone, they would love you for who you are, not what you look like. Stupid stupid woman. In fact, I am so cross with your justifications of having an affiar, that you deserve every shitty thing that will no doubt come your way, when it hits the fan.

I was lucky my marriage ended without either party having an affair, but had that been the case, it would have broken me, as I have seen it happen to my friends.

Original poster
onlyjustgettingby · 18/12/2012 15:19

I havent said anything about losing my looks ! I said I was in my prime.

If its not obvious, then I will spell it out, I like sex, I want to have sex, I know that wont last forever, I want to make the most of it whilst it is here.

Sorry if you presumed it was about looks, it isnt.

OP posts:
Fragglewump · 18/12/2012 15:22

Some people on here are disgusted by your actions. Some people think your reactions to advice are showing you to be self obsessed, arrogant and deluded. I think you should quietly remove yourself from this thread and just think. Just be. What is the worst that could come out of your situation? What is the best that could happen? Does any of that appeal to you? I think your head knows what you need to do. Our hearts sometimes rule them.

QueenieLovesEels · 18/12/2012 15:22

You are a throughly horrid individual.

Just vile.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 18/12/2012 15:23

Do you think about her at all? His wife?

This isn't a judgement, it's an honest question.

I don't understand how you can have gone through this, the pain it causes, the utter devastation and chaos...

But still think that doing that to somebody else is worth having regular sex.

Maybe if I understood that I could offer you the advice you want?

Mincepiesforme · 18/12/2012 15:24

OP I will try once more then give up.

I've posted twice asking you what advice or comments you indeed want to hear.

You have not replied, and seem to sepnd most of this thread copy/pasting " challenging" replies and defending yourself.

You are not engaging in a discussion at all.

You are replying to the flaming- but you are not looking into your heart and asking what it is you want.

What do you want? What do you want anyone to say?

Either you want sympathy and people to give you permission to carry on.

Or you want abuse ( which you have had by the bucket full) in the vain hope that perhaps it will give you the push to end this affair.

Those are your options- or to carry on until something changes. Which it will.

QueenieLovesEels · 18/12/2012 15:26

Thoroughly

JustFabulous · 18/12/2012 15:28

You did not need to spell it out Hmm. You had laid it on that he is giving you multiple orgasms and you are enjoying it all very much. We are not stupid. We got that Hmm.

There are other men in the world who are single and there are plenty of ways to satisfy your needs.

Original poster
onlyjustgettingby · 18/12/2012 15:30

I replied twice a few pages back about why I posted the thread :-)

I posted because I wanted a release, I know that what I am doing is wrong, I/we have tried to end it but couldnt (wouldnt)

I wanted opinions and I got them, I didnt mean to be seen as 'chellenging' I am just answering questions.

I dont know what I want, if I knew what I wanted I would do it.

There are so many replies that I cant keep up, I was trying to answer all of the questions, but I cant, sorry.

If I answer a question I am told that I am justifying my actions, if I dont then I am told I am avoiding the question.

I cant win really, and apparently I am a vile, horrible, evil individual.

OP posts:
Original poster
onlyjustgettingby · 18/12/2012 15:31

I did need to spell it out when someone said that worrying about losing my looks says it all, when it isnt about that.

I am well aware of ways to satisfy needs and that is fantastic if it works for you, pleased for you.

OP posts:
lolaflores · 18/12/2012 15:32

If i hear the word soul mate one more time!

Only at least stand your ground on what you really want to do.
And if you think you are having the modern woman's life and not in a pinny by the sink, then think on...he is having it both ways till Sunday.
You are still a potential casualty
You will be the one jettisoned as soon as his family life is threatend.
Iron your pinny love, you might just need it.

By the way, you do sound quite immature. YOur responses are the kind of stroppy foot stomping I would expect from an over entitled 16 year old who's only focus is their immediate needs.

If you want to fight the world into accepting that this love is what it is, then carry on. But, there are more people willng to tell you it is not, mostly from experience than those who will give you a round of applause. You might do well to listen, lose some of the arrogance, learn a little humility and then you might be on the road to becominng a well rounded adult that other men rather than skanky adulterous wank stains will be attracted to.
See, you can make that choice...if you dare

badinage · 18/12/2012 15:32

I like sex, I want to have sex

So what? Who doesn't like or want sex? That's nothing unique.

You can get that from a single man.

But it wouldn't give you your particular brand of kicks and that's why you're in this relationship, if you did but know it.

Re-read this thread and concentrate on your own posts. You should learn what everyone else can see about you.

QueenieLovesEels · 18/12/2012 15:32

Get sex from someone who is available then if this is about your sexual gratification.

That's not difficult.

Stop fucking around with other people's happiness for your own ego-stroking needs.

Get a grip.

PottedShrimp · 18/12/2012 15:32

You say you have not asked if he is still sleeping with his wife/
Now why would that be ???????

You know he is, and you know it would hurt you that he is.

Simple as that.

PottedShrimp · 18/12/2012 15:35

Oh and by the way. Have a lovely christmas morning won't you. Cos you know he will be snuggled up to his family, enjoying himself while you sit around wondering what he is doing.

Original poster
onlyjustgettingby · 18/12/2012 15:36

PottedShrimp I said that I know he is sleeping with his wife, I dont need to discuss that with him all the time to know that.

It does hurt that he is, but to be honest it hurts more when I imagine them washing up together.

OP posts:
Original poster
onlyjustgettingby · 18/12/2012 15:37

PottedShrimp I can see that you have been hurt and want to hurt me, but I know exactly what he will be doing Christmas morning, he will be with his wife and children having a lovely Christmas morning, as I will be with my ex and my children :-)

OP posts:
PottedShrimp · 18/12/2012 15:41

no love. I have not been hurt. I ended my marriage through my choice. I am the best of friends with my ex. Ther was no animosity. I am angry that I have seen my friends go through what you are putting this woman through. I have picked up the pieces of friends who have felt suicidal at their dh's actions when it has all been blown open. They have been humiliated. So, no I am not hurt, I am angry that you feel you can justify an affair.

JustFabulous · 18/12/2012 15:41

"I am well aware of ways to satisfy needs and that is fantastic if it works for you, pleased for you."

This isn't about me and I am not about to start discussing my personal life with you.

Nancy66 · 18/12/2012 15:42

If this guy feels the same way about you then why doesn't he end his marriage to be with you? After all you're crazy about one another and it's been a year?

Because you're just a fuck, that's why.

Sorry, but there it is.

You already sound besotted - I expect that as time progresses you will start to appear too clingy and needy to him and you'll be ditched. And replaced.

JustFabulous · 18/12/2012 15:44

"It does hurt that he is, but to be honest it hurts more when I imagine them washing up together."

Don't be ridiculous.

I have never read a thread with so many contradictions as this.

You want us all to know you are fucking someone elses husband as you have needs. We all know now so you can go away and plan your next mess up.

PottedShrimp · 18/12/2012 15:45

You say you are a volunteer?

Yeah, a voluntary fuck by the looks of it.

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