This affair makes everything OK, doesn't it?
You used to be the woman who wasn't good enough for her husband.
But now you're one of the women who lured him away (repeatedly).
Except you're even better than them because you are the ONLY woman on earth your lover would cheat with.
Your affair PROVES that affairs are passionate love affairs that can't be resisted.
It PROVES that men who have affairs are not to blame for what they do to their families.
Your marriage was not a miserable sham to a philanderer who didn't love you. It was unhappy because he was married to the wrong person.
Just like your lover. He says he loves his wife. They are lovers too.
But the affair PROVES that he must be unhappy and that he would be happier if he could leave.
You are sitting in a perfectly sealed delusion.
Everything makes sense as long as you don't face the cheap and tawdry reality of an affair to a happily married man who is in love with his wife but enjoys a bit on the side for now.
Sometimes men who love their wives and are happy in their marriages escape the stresses of life with a young family with an affair.
The person they cheat with just has to think they are great and be willing to shag them. The intensity comes from the escape from the life they value but find stressful.
These men drop their lovers like hot bricks when their wives (their true loves) find out. They cry and have "breakdowns" and very soon can honestly say that everything they felt for the OW was just based on having their ego stroked.
Often the rebuild their marriages after the unwelcome intrusion has been eliminated. Usually unceremoniously, and with zero residual sentimental feeling.
Eventually he'll see you as we see you - an unpleasant woman who was happy to destroy his family for her own ends.
Because you are not having an affair with a man like your husband. He was a philanderer.
This man (if you are right about him) is the sort of man who makes the mistake of cheating once. While he's having the affair he will lie to you and to himself.
But when it is over, and you become real, you will be nothing to him. Worse than nothing - something he is ashamed of.
"I am 'just a fuck' to him, then he is to me too."
You fool.
You are jealous of his wife.
He is not just a fuck.
But you are.
However the affair is masking that reality.
Oh and the stuff about damage to the kids is mind blowing - so if your affair with their father comes to light and they are in any way damaged by it, it wi be their mother's fault?
Because if the trauma you cause her is even noticed by the children that is her fault.
You can behave as appallingly as you like, because if a person is hurt beyond hurt by what you do, that is their problem.
You should revisit your complacent presumption that you are not a skank.