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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bacon sarnies in suspenders, jacket strokers, coffee with a small 'c' and LOTS of Coffee with a capital 'C' it's dating thread 32

999 replies

lulubellaboozle · 16/12/2012 14:29

Thought I take the liberty of starting us off again ...

OP posts:
Yogagirl17 · 20/12/2012 15:36

Western DD is 11, almost 12. Last night she was hitting me, pushing me etc. Even when I try to walk away she follows me round the house screaming. It's awful. I know hormones play a big part but I also wonder what her dad might be saying about me to wind her up. When she hears him say he thinks I'm a liar, what do you think she pulls out as soon as she gets cross with me? HmmAngry Fucker (XH, not DD!). It's horrible so thank you for the sympathy I will take whatever I can get! x

mercury7 · 20/12/2012 15:36

I always wonder about drunken texts, is it that his inhibitions are lowered and he's revealing his true feelings?
Or his he pi$$ed and talking crap Confused

MsArsebiscuit · 20/12/2012 15:37

Yoga, yes I'd decided that the aforementioned body part must have been an intentional inclusion, although frankly you'd have thought he'd have put some effort into making it look less 'relaxed' and more obviously phallic. My tits are out ( no choice with that one, I have plenty of frontage ) and I have just liked two men on GS who don't seem like completely insufferable arses.

I have no idea what the answer is to stroppy pre-teens and teenagers, the only thing that I've found effective in the slightest has been maintaining a very quiet and calm exterior, even in the face of extreme provocation. Sadly this requires me to be a minature British Dalai Lama so is almost impossible to sustain.

BantaBaby · 20/12/2012 15:42

yoga - it's not that I keep giving them the benefit. I think OD is very different for men and women. Men are generally expected to make the first move, send the first email, or whatever. Women can either put up with the huge amount of dross they receive and try and find the good ones, or be more proactive, hide their profile and just contact men they like the look of.

I've been contacted by a few women who I've gone on to meet, the Artist was one, Nurse another, SharkGirl another, all were nice and friendly but turned out for whatever reason to not be long term. The only buzz I've felt after the first kiss was from women I contacted myself - Historian, SurreyGirl being the only two that spring to mind. If I think of it like meeting people in RL, in a bar or whatever, I might approach someone who's a bit haughty or off, and generally I'll think 'sod them' and not approach again. Or, later on, or at another party, I might speak to them again and see if they were having a bad day the first time and are worth talking to again - if I really fancy them that is.

If I don't persist in chatting to the ones I like the look of, I'll end up talking to those who I just feel 'meh' about, and won't get anywhere. And personally I quite like a woman who can take the piss, and can have the piss taken in return. I just haven't got to the point where I work out whether she's generally an arse or just depressed with the dross she's getting online and suspicious about whether I'm a weirdo. Her taking the piss out of my photo was saying that it looked like I was advertising for a mail-order bride, she wasn't actually nasty about my face.

SevenSnapespearesSwimming · 20/12/2012 15:48

the nice guys of okcupid there goes my afternoon...

OhLittleTownofWesternWind · 20/12/2012 15:49

Arse (sorry) I will try that tactic, mentally remove myself to somewhere pleasant and do the brick wall thing. Mine hates it if I laugh at her but it does tend to make things escalate which isn't the general idea at all.

Floating tackle is okay for anglers (we're back to the men 'n' fish theme again, aren't we?) but it's not really going to get anyone going, only in the opposite direction. I am constantly surprised on this thread by the sort of pictures people get sent, being a total innocent in that regard.

Mercury I can never make my mind up which one it is either. When I do it If I ever did it, it would probably be my true feelings coming out, although I have been known to spout large quantities of absolute nonsense which bears no resemblance to the truth whatsoever when under the influence. I think it depends on whether I'm a bit pissed (true feelings) or completely ratted (random made-up crap). So that doesn't really help to clarify anything, does it?

mercury7 · 20/12/2012 15:49

'I think OD is very different for men and women'
I agree Bant :)

mercury7 · 20/12/2012 15:54

perhaps we can conclude that people who send drunken texts are making deliberate use of the ambiguity?
You can let out your true feelings, then if they are not well received you can claim to be so drunk you didnt know what you were doing Wink

MsArsebiscuit · 20/12/2012 16:04

Oww ( and please free to call me 'Arse' ) the calm and quiet thing has been the only way to stop a situation escalating with my 17 year old, who has always had a vile temper, it's just very,very, very hard to put into practice. I'm now in the enviable position of having three teenagers - it's triffic.
Talent Show's tackle display was thrust into my face rather suddenly, I'm assuming he thought a flaccid member ( possibly a bollock but if it was, it was hairless ) semi-poking through the bathwater, like a low-rent re-enactment of a Loch Ness Monster sighting would drive me wild. You'd think he'd know better as he was already aware that I've seen more penises ( on a professional basis - cough ) than he's had hot dinners.

Snape, thank you for the link, that's the first time I've laughed all day.

ike1 · 20/12/2012 16:07

Oh lord a hairless bollock!!! mmm mmm

ike1 · 20/12/2012 16:08

Soz Yoga we might veer into flaps and Turkey territory in a mo-please excuse lol

JulietteMontague · 20/12/2012 16:14

I do understand giving the benefit of the doubt with OD. If I didn't I would barely have any dates at all. I'm after a man with wit, intelligence, who likes women and doesn't look like The Pub Landlord's Dad and they seem to be few and far in between. So it's either that or take another 5 years off which seems way too much and tbh I don't want a man who doesn't want a women his own age.

Yogagirl17 · 20/12/2012 16:37

Bant ok, maybe i'm just in a bad mood. It's just the last couple of times you've started with someone you weren't sure about it's not gone well. But i see your point.

Snape LOL! Thank you I needed a laugh.

MsA 3 teenagers??!! Oh man. I think the only way I could manage to maintain calm and quiet in the face of DD's tantrums would be large amounts of valium (a practice which, although tempting, I have never put into practice). I will try meditating. Ohhmmmm.......

MsArsebiscuit · 20/12/2012 16:52

Yep, Yoga, three teenagers - that's some bad planning, right there. Although I have been taught how to dance Gangnam Style and am fully conversant with teenage etiquette on a range of matters, so it's not all bad.

SevenSnapespearesSwimming · 20/12/2012 16:54

this is also worth a look woman creates worst possible profile on OKc. Men still queue up to 'date' her. Why bother with a witty, amazingly wonderful profile? :)

SevenSnapespearesSwimming · 20/12/2012 16:55

Three teenagers here as well. You have my absolute sympathy. Grin the lovely bits get further apart, but when you get them they seem even better.

MsArsebiscuit · 20/12/2012 16:59

I agree, my 15 year old told me today that when he's a billionaire, he's going to 'look after' me.

JulietteMontague · 20/12/2012 17:14

Snape I love the nice guy blog.

antonym · 20/12/2012 17:32

Spooky gmail security fail: if you disclose a gmail address and someone gmails you, their gmail will translate your gmail into your real name. So if you are called [email protected] and are really jane brown, your correspondent will know that. I think this is new and may be related to signing up for google+. So you may be giving away more than you think. Saying this here because i discovered this from emailing an ODer who gave me a gmail address.

WhatDoesTheDogSay · 20/12/2012 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JulietteMontague · 20/12/2012 17:49

Antonym eww! I do keep separate email accounts regardless with a clearly fictional name.

Pixiebelle123 · 20/12/2012 18:17

Mercury, I've decided that as I like the content of his drunk messages then it's definitely inhibitions lowered as opposed to drunk crap Grin. He was saying how much he likes me and how happy and generally smiley he is because of me. And he said I'm smoking hot, so he clearly has good taste Wink.

Keep thinking it's all going to end in tears (mine of course) but really hoping things work out.

Yoga - really wish I had some useful advice for you. Just keep being a brilliant mum and she'll realise one day that XH is a nobhead.

48howdidthathappen · 20/12/2012 18:19

Sorry to be bursting with happiness Smile

Mr Rock n Roll is THE king!

I am in LUST Blush

ike1 · 20/12/2012 18:22

48 I cannot BELIEVE how much success you are having!!!

48howdidthathappen · 20/12/2012 18:27

Nor me IKE I need to pinch myself!

Moral of the story if you get the chance to go out even to a crappy Rock N Roll night. Plaster a smile on and let your mojo do its thing Grin

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