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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bacon sarnies in suspenders, jacket strokers, coffee with a small 'c' and LOTS of Coffee with a capital 'C' it's dating thread 32

999 replies

lulubellaboozle · 16/12/2012 14:29

Thought I take the liberty of starting us off again ...

OP posts:
KirstyWirsty · 19/12/2012 17:02

Let's hope 2013 is a great year for ALL of us!! Wine

Scattylatte · 19/12/2012 17:24

snape woohoo for the wine and hamper. Good things come in threes. Maybe hot OKC will be the 3rd.

My ex text me today. Ive not made any contact for some time, never been to his house since he dumped me, not on my facebookt etc etc. I have my expensive bike at his and I texted him at the weekend saying I should collect it. He said I could this week. Anyway today he text me asking if I can collect the bike on Friday after 3. I replied sorry I cant but another day ok (Im working till 10pm). Then he sent "your bike has been rusting outside my house - I dont want you near my house. I will get rid of it" ......
Why be so vile? He dumped me.

No POC news from me today. I have been pampering myself with nail polish though.

48howdidthathappen · 19/12/2012 17:45

scatty Probably feels guilty for being a shit.

Good riddance to bad rubbish Grin

BantaBaby · 19/12/2012 19:41

Oh I feel horrible. The Artist was going into hospital for an operation - just a minor one but it added to the guilt, and she texted me this afternoon to say she was fine but limping a bit. Then she texted me an hour later to say 'please don't ignore me, I loved you so'

Part of me wants to text back and say - we dated for 2 and a half weeks. We ate together twice. She's met none of my friends, none of my family, doesn't know where I live (although not for lack of texting, we just hadn't made it to mine yet) - how can she love me?

But I still feel like a shit

VelvetSpoon · 19/12/2012 20:14

Don't feel bad - she is quite possibly hoping to guilt you into contacting her.

Just ignore.

She probably does love you, in her own way. Some people's emotions are very labile. I've had men tell me they were in love with me after only one date and then disappear. People who fall 'in love' that quickly fall out of love equally quickly. Another week of no contact and she will have forgotten/moved on etc.

So ignore, ignore again, and don't be guilted.

Meanwhile, turns out my DS knows Cuthbert's DS and they are FB friends (although for teenage boys this doesn't mean much, as they all have 100s of friends)...

ike1 · 19/12/2012 20:18

Honestly Banta that's just ridiculous behaviour for a grown woman..

mercury7 · 19/12/2012 20:23

I've loved people that I hardly knew...but I'd never burden them with my unrequited yearnings.
She really should man up and keep her feelings to herself!

Yogagirl17 · 19/12/2012 20:42

Bant she is trying to make you feel like a shit. Which is a shitty thing to do.

JulietteMontague · 19/12/2012 21:24

Banta clearly she feels something but it sure isn't love even if she thinks it is. If you text back you will re-set the clock for her, give her hope and prolong the process. In any case do not feel guilty, it won't fix her.

Snape here's to your third portion of luck Grin

Scatty he is being vile because he is vile can be.

I have had a short chat with Mr Vague today and we are going for second attempt at coffee on Saturday afternoon, meeting in town where I will have been to a concert so will be up and out anyway.

He scored another own goal yesterday, said he would call at 6.30 but actually called at 8.30 when I was out and I couldn't then be arsed to talk to him. No acknowledgement from him that he was 2 hrs late. As this was the very first call, am I alone in finding this slightly rude/flaky? I think he might think he is being cool.

Bear with...

ike1 · 19/12/2012 21:27

Yep flaky

OhLittleTownofWesternWind · 19/12/2012 21:28

Scatty vile is the right word for this man. He's acting like this because this is what he's like. You had a lucky escape there.

Banta you too. You're well rid. Manipulation and guilt-tripping are horrible tactics to use on someone, whether it's subconsciously or not.

OhLittleTownofWesternWind · 19/12/2012 21:31

Juliette It is a bit rude not to call when you say you will. You don't sound very enthused about this guy. Are you sure you want to meet up with him?

JulietteMontague · 19/12/2012 21:35

Ike I am finding it irritating tbh. Will give it the benefit of the doubt for now and I made sure he is to meet me at the entrance to the theatre so I don't have to go out of my way. Now what are the odds he is late Grin

OhLittleTownofWesternWind · 19/12/2012 21:46

Feeling really sad tonight. Went to the dcs' Christmas concert at school and was surrounded by families left, right and centre. Couldn't see anyone else on their own apart from one dad. And I don't know any parents as I work so never do drop off/puck up. So I sat there like a lemon all by myself, didn't talk to anyone apart from the dcs and felt so sad, particularly for the children for having such a crap father who touch wood they will never see again. They are far safer and happier not seeing him but looking at all the dads tonight with their children, and hearing LM talk about his children with such love and pride, breaks my heart for what my two should have and never will.

Bastard.

ike1 · 19/12/2012 21:47

Oh he will be ...I am a chronically late attendee to most things awful really..but first dates etc..I would make a big effort to be on time.

ike1 · 19/12/2012 21:48

OWW I know, all of these reasons are whu I hate xmas but in my circs I attend alone while ex H and OW attend together like a 'proper family'...

JulietteMontague · 19/12/2012 21:48

Western unless I lower my age limit or move to Europe, this appears to be it. It appears I'm asking quite a lot but I do think I offer quite a lot to a man who can get past himself recognise it.

JulietteMontague · 19/12/2012 21:58

Western I get that lonely feeling, you feel so totally like you just don't belong whilst at the same time your heart breaks for DC. Worse, at summer events some over keen pta type then bounds up to you and asks where your home made cake is, clearly unaware that you are already stressed to the max as you had to get up in the middle of a work meeting or miss DC's event (again).

Ike I cannot begin to imagine what that is like, it's a real sign of insecurity statement to try and make Hmm.

Hugs to both of you.

ike1 · 19/12/2012 22:07

Thanks Juliette - yeah I am having to remind the kids who The Real Mum is at the mo..lol.They come back from their visits calling me by HER name...

OhLittleTownofWesternWind · 19/12/2012 22:08

Oh Ike that's crap. Proper family my backside.

Juliette exactly! I have had to make a real effort to realise I can't do and be everything for the children. I'm just one person and do my best, but it's crap when I don't know the rules of cricket (or any sport come to that), who's number one or what make of car was the one we just overtook ...

ike1 · 19/12/2012 22:11

Tell em to google it...thats whay I do...

BantaBaby · 19/12/2012 22:25

OWW - this is my first christmas since I split from my STBXW, and I'm lucky that things are relatively amicable, but not to the point of sitting together at plays and stuff. Sitting there last week, bursting with pride at my youngest DC playing the lead in the nativity thing, then looking around and seeing all the other married couples, just reminds me how shit the whole thing is.

But.. you're dating because at some point things may become a bit more family like, and you'll be there with your bloke, both of you proud and happy, and probably far happier than a lot of the other couples there who, as we've said before, are often just keeping up appearances. It'll just take a bit of time to get there. Things don't work out the way we want, but sometimes they have a way of being unexpectedly better. Having said that, I have no idea who's number one or most of the rules of cricket.

I had lots of fun last night teaching my DC the dance from that youtube video that Flo posted yesterday. I'm a bad father showing them videos of a dancing transvestite, I'm sure, but we worked well together as a trio.

SharkGirl still wants to see me, even if only once a month - that work excuse I used probably didn't give the right message. I'd like to think I'd have someone to see when I come back to the UK from being away, but I'd like it to be someone I really look forward to seeing. Which wouldn't be her.

JulietteMontague · 19/12/2012 22:27

oh Ike Sad that stinks. At least there must be some comfort in knowing this kids think she is ok (yes I know that is tortured but I'm trying to say better than her being horrid to them). My DS experienced that when the man he knew as his stepfather got a new gf, she was pure evil to DS. He doesn't see them anymore.

Western DS used to think I deliberately let goals in as he couldn't believe I played to badly. I am currently still sporting a pair of glasses at a jaunty angle which are the result of my being hit in the face by various footballs. I also cheered the wrong boy off at cricket once. Easy when they are all wearing white Grin

VelvetSpoon · 19/12/2012 22:38

ExP never came to anything DC related with me, he is a useless disinterested arse of a man. Which is a bit rubbish for my DSs, but then again they've never known any different. Hence they've never been at all upset about us splitting up, or about his lack of involvement. Helps that I know more about football and boys stuff than ExP as well :)

It does make me a bit sad though, when I think of the relationship I had with my own Dad (who died a year before DS1 was born, shame cos he's have made a fab Grandad)

OhLittleTownofWesternWind · 19/12/2012 22:52

Juliette I think you're great even making an attempt to go in goal! All power to you.

Bant you too? These christmas concerts are a form of purgatory. And thank you for giving me a shove to get back on track - my life now is immeasurably better than this time two years ago and I'm expecting it to be even better this time next year. The same goes for you - what huge and exciting changes 2013 has for you.

Velvet it's twenty years next march since my lovely dad died. I could have written your last paragraph. I'll be raising a glass or two to him over Christmas!