Bacon sarnies in suspenders, jacket strokers, coffee with a small 'c' and LOTS of Coffee with a capital 'C' it's dating thread 32

[lulubellaboozle]

Thought I take the liberty of starting us off again ...

slightly sore head this morning.

In retrospect, the shark attack kissing wasn't a turn-off - as I said, it was that moment for a kiss, I was going to kiss her anyway, she just got there a bit faster than me. The crotch grabbing was an hour later or so after more cocktails and when the kissing was getting a bit more passionate. And I didn't actually ask her to stop doing it, it was very interesting to be honest. I quite like a woman that is sexually forward some of the time.

Having said all that, as Snape says though, it was definitely a case of beer goggles (well, beer, wine and cocktails) - when she turned up I just didn't really hugely fancy her but we got on well. Shallow as I am, I want someone who I really do fancy. I fancied the Artist, the Historian, SurreyGirl, even the Therapist where there was no chemistry beyond the fact she looked good.

Shark Girl did ask if I wanted to see her again, at the time I said yes, in the cold light of day I don't think it's a good idea. Seeing someone for the sake of seeing them isn't a great idea, is it?

It's a rubbish idea bant

What are you going to do now?

And I don't think it's shallow to want someone you really fancy. I think it's very complicated actually, to try and find the balance of someone who could potentially be your best friend, who you want to rip the clothes off of. A lot of the time we settle for, 'I really like them, and it's better than being single, but no fireflies' because we're led to believe that fireflies can grow.

I've never really fancied anyone I've been out with, including the kids dad, he was a grower. Experience seems to dictate that the ones I look and and think 'wow!' vote Tory (at which point the 'wow' diminishes) or can barely string a sentence together (or disappointingly, both) so I tend towards 'you're alright, you'll do' & I don't want to settle for 'you're alright, you'll do' so I'm single. Meh.

Just remembered. In the bar where I met SharkGirl they kept playing 'Santa Baby' on a loop every 20 minutes or so. I thought of you lot on here and had warm fuzzy thoughts. Although that may have been helped along by the wine

Bant I think you have summed it up very well for yourself. If you hadn't had the drink and weren't going away, you wouldn't even be 50/50. Remember the woman you met twice pre Artist, you got on really well, you found her very attractive, lots of spark helped by a drink. Second date, daytime and coffee, still attractive, still got on but no spark and you both thought it was more of a mates thing.

So if you didn't try to go for that one who had something going for her, you are as Snape said looking for the driftwood before you go to sea.

You are going to have a fabulous time when you go, there will be a lot of intelligent, educated women there some of whom speak perfect English. Some One of them may be for you.

And crotch grabbing, just no. It is also more likely to be the shark attack nature of the kissing that made you uncomfortable, rather than that she made the first approach.

hmm, so..if I go on a date where we get drunk and there is some snogging, but he ends up not wanting a second date, it'll be because he only fancied me with his beer goggles on?

i guess this is one reason all my first meetings are sober daytime things:)

Yoga which bit of David Tenant have you got?

I agree merc...I always drive ...and can make a quickish get away if I need to..

:) at yoga with her bit of David Tenant. I'm on the sofa with all of Matt smith. (rewatching DW in run up to Xmas day doctor)

I have decided to delete my POF account...xmas is depressing enough....there is a real air of desperation on there at the mo, for those of you that have not vetured on for a while...

Bantababy warm fuzzy thoughts?

I also find the idea of getting drunk with a man I've never met before quite alarming..just too much 'throwing cation to the wind'
I might be up for sex on a first meeting, but I'd want to be able to make a sober decision!

I quite like getting 'tipsy' with new people. I never get so absolutely trashed that I don't know what I'm doing & I'm wary of rohypnol it's a good ice-breaker for me, because I am devastatingly amusing whenni'm a bit squiffy.

All sober first time meeting for me too

With RL Mr R&R we got back to my place about 12.30pm. Both slightly hammered. We didn't kiss until about 4am. Both quite sober by then.

Well I just worry I might end up doing something a bit stupid/dangerous with who knows who and not have the wits to get out of it...

I need an edit button

Its not that I am a prude or anything just learned a few lessons. When I was first divorced I flung caution to the wind a bit when drunk and ended up shagging a couple of people that I still see socially and now find it a bit cringeworthy-mainly because I was still emotionally raw and it all definitely made me feel worse rather than better. Chalked it up to experience and a lesson learned now.

ike yes, done that. found myself in daft situations, that i managed to get out of by the skin of my teeth, that i wouldn't have been in if i were sober. i reason that i was much younger and far more emotionally unbalanced than i am now. i can manage to get a bit drunk and not end up shagging someone i don't even like much, so all is good. i have a very loud inner monologue that manages to stay sober.

i guess we all find our own way of managing things...
I'd prob be a bit better if i had a wee dram to relax me on a date, but I'm very strictly a non drinker these days so it's unlikely to happen.

Plus I'd hate to think that the bloke in question only fancied me because he was squiffy:(

Yeah and that's good Snape. I suppose that inner monologue may not be so loud if you are a bit vulnerable and newly single like I was. Its been 3 years and I am still not sure I would trust myself as stilla bit raw. What's the bet that Bant's date has woken up this morning with the horrors thinking 'oh noooo did I really grope that guy's crotch last night????????'

I think 'tipsy' is good. Let's the barriers down a little bit. I think if I'd got tipsy with the Therapist, instead of meeting at a very sterile Starbucks halfway between our respective towns, things may have worked out better. She was attractive and funny but we were both on our guard, so to speak.

If I'd stayed completely sober last night we wouldn't have kissed.

Right, I need to come up with an acceptable reason to turn down SharkGirl for date #2. I can't use 'no chemistry'

suppose the seasoned drinkers are better able to cope but i've no tolerance for booze so safer not to!

yoga what do "please kiss me now" signals look like?

I like it when women make the first move to kiss. If I'm going to, then I have to be pretty sure it's going to be welcome so I probably wait a bit too long normally.

Since being single I have been completely hammered on nights out with mates. Never ever been tempted to shag in that state. Something stops me.

Anyway what would be the point. Would have no recollection if it had been good, bad or fucking incredible

...take it from me 48 ...usually bad ...not missing owt