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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Residual Parenting Commitments, The Last Turkey In The Shop, Boiled Bunnies, Men With Fish and Stolen Condoms. Dating Thread XXXI.

999 replies

FlorentinePogen · 04/12/2012 19:49

Get on with it, daters.............Smile

OP posts:
natureslaw · 14/12/2012 14:14

bant ouch. You could just turn all phones etc off and cease responding for a couple of days, seems to me she is getting attention from the dialogue and feeding on it.

juliette I just don't know will let it lie for a bit and see how I feel about it all next week.

I like christmas and I'm not phased in the slightest by being single for it but it can be a sentimental time of year which doesn't help when faced with relationship decisions (I think).

ike1 · 14/12/2012 14:16

Snapes!!!!!Bloody hell didnt know you had it in you!!(Ike's jaw drops)

Yogagirl17 · 14/12/2012 14:17

Yes Kirsty Fab job with the fundraising! I have spent many fun hours at Yorkhill A&E over the years.

AndLibbyMakesThree · 14/12/2012 14:45

Am I the only one who feels sorry for the Artist?

ike1 · 14/12/2012 14:57

I feel sorry for her because obviously she is a very needy and is looking to have ALL her needs met by one person...she clearly is hurting but does not make her behaviour right.

Snapespeare · 14/12/2012 15:03

didn't get the job. Sad

lulubellaboozle · 14/12/2012 15:06

aww Snape Shock that's abig shame, their loss most definitely

ike1 · 14/12/2012 15:15

Snape...sorry to hear that x

Yogagirl17 · 14/12/2012 15:16

Argh snape that sucks

Santasapunkatheart · 14/12/2012 15:21

Yes I do feel sorry for the artist. Truly, I don't that calling her a nutter or ridiculing her behaviour is great. I know that people get depersonalised when we are talking here...exes become idiots etc...there is nothing wrong in venting. But sharing every intimate detail...including when the poor woman is dumped, makes me uncomfortable. Imagine that someone was talking about you on a forum and then imagine how they might make you feel...

Clearly anyone who moves so quickly and bonds so deeply too soon, has issues or simply throws herself in without protecting herself. She is vulnerable. It was too full on, too early and would have scared anyone off. Perhaps an honest but kind assessment for her might help her in future. She has to be cooler, less intense.

I got very angry and (although I HATE the phrase) bunner boileresque when my ex walked out. Admittedly it was after 20 years and a shock - so I was beyond hurt and fury. Had a breakdown, felt almost psychotic rage...so perhaps I understand the artist's feelings and reactions....although she seems to have latched and formed Bant in her head as something more than a casual sexual partner.

Not Bant's fault - it couldn't continue - but less than two weeks before Christmas is an awful time to be dumped.

People are human and I think we all owe it to anyone coming into their life to treat them as well as we can manage. I would never get involved with someone if they appeared so fragile. It's also the reason I loathe the film Fatal Attraction - the women there was clearly disturbed and terribly needy - the man has an affair but ultimately he gets away with things and she suffers the ultimate price. I hated the way women were portrayed in that film - either saintly wives or crazy.

Snape - so sorry that you did not get the job. You are having a rotten week. I hope it gets better - you are owed some good karma.

OhWesternWind · 14/12/2012 15:23

Really, really sorry to hear that Snape. This run of bad luck has got to come to an end soon.

KirstyWirsty · 14/12/2012 15:25

sorry to hear that Snape but as you know 'what's for you won't go by you' - something better will be round the corner .. Wine is required in the meantime!

Yogagirl17 · 14/12/2012 15:33

Ha! Well I just got a call to offer me the job I interviewed for today. Isn't life a bugger. Two weeks ago I would have absolutely jumped at it. Other one's still better though. I couldn't very well say no on the spot though so asked if I could have the weekend to think about it and phone her back on Monday.

Maybe tis a sign of good things to come.

lulubellaboozle · 14/12/2012 15:34

Well I'm going out tonight with a group of female friends ranging in age from early 30's to late 50's and we are going to get dolled up, eat, drink not neccessarily in that order, and be merry and I can't wait - good female conversation, banter with booze and food is often the most restorative way to spend an evening.

please remind me of that when I feel sick and hungover tomorrow Xmas Grin

48howdidthathappen · 14/12/2012 15:40

libby I feel a little sorry for the artist, but don't we all have to look out for ourselves as grown ups?

snape sorry about the job. There will be a better one Smile

KW you are getting all the Coffee!

48howdidthathappen · 14/12/2012 15:44

yoga you are on a winning streak!

lulu Agreed. Exactly what I am doing tomorrow night. Have a good one Grin

JulietteMontague · 14/12/2012 15:54

We've all been there. Dignity is difficult to muster up when you feel you've been done over.

But, the Artist was clearly off kilter from the beginning. If she was fragile, this has only just emerged. She was given the benefit of the doubt to settle down but cranked it up. Yes I feel sorry for her because she seems lacking in self awareness and clearly can't see what was obvious to everyone from outside i.e. this didn't happen to her she made it happen and will continue to be unhappy until she sorts herself out. I don't think she is pining for Bant as such, she is upset about the loss of someone to fit the bf shoes which she had Bant down for.

Far better the break now than the horrible messy Christmas it would have necessarily been given her controlling and possessive behaviour as DC would be around.

Wickaninnish · 14/12/2012 16:04

Really sorry to hear that snape. You are having a rough time. I do hope things start to look up soon!!

JulietteMontague · 14/12/2012 16:07

Snape that's shit. At some point it will turn out it wasn't right for you, but meanwhile there has to be chocolate and wiine.

Banta I have never accused anyone of using me for sex, that is sinking a bit low. The only reason to join in with sex is if you want to. If you do it for any other reason, you only have yourself to blame if it goes wrong. .

Yoga yes!

Yogagirl17 · 14/12/2012 16:23

lulu Have Fun! I did that last night and it was great. Smile

BantaBaby · 14/12/2012 17:49

I feel sorry for the artist too, I hate hurting anyone and as I've said, she's not a bad person, or deserving of ridicule. She's crossed boundaries, been too full on for me and hasn't listened when I've tried to slow things down. That doesn't make her wrong, just wrong for me and unwilling to see it.

I haven't called her a nutter though, or taken the piss. And yes two weeks before Christmas is a bad time to break up, but then maybe 5 weeks before it is a bad time to start dating

wolfandi · 14/12/2012 17:54

I appreciate that this will probably be deleted and my account closed - but worth it - a lady called Katherine Crowe isstorming up the charts at the moment (no 7 a few mins ago) with 'smile' by charlie chaplain. She has a very, very short time left to live and her drying wish is to make the Christmas number one. Monies made will go to charity. This lady has no company behind her, she is achieving her dream through the internet. She is an ordinary mum with an extraordinary voice. Any help, or anyone you can share this with - please help. Its above board, she's had a day of interviews, so you can easily check this out first.
Thank you all for any help you can offer, or for sharing this. This strong womans attitude puts my little woes into perspective, thats for sure.

ike1 · 14/12/2012 17:55

I think that is a fair synopsis Bant, and for what its worth I dont see you as a bad guy (maybe a little indulgent with the old Coffee that was on offer-but hey if it is a bottomless cup...)

wolfandi · 14/12/2012 17:55

Posted by phone, please excuse the errors!

DeanMartinx · 14/12/2012 17:57

Snape - only seen your post now. I am really sorry that it didn't work out this time. But it brings the one that will work for you, nearer. It is naturally hard to see it that way just now.