Residual Parenting Commitments, The Last Turkey In The Shop, Boiled Bunnies, Men With Fish and Stolen Condoms. Dating Thread XXXI.

[FlorentinePogen]

Get on with it, daters.............

Honestly, Snape, regardless of the outcome, it will not be a case of "rejecting" you. I have been involved in the interviewing process over many years. It is an exhausting process and the interviewer is only interested in getting the decision right - but, right for them.

One is never certain if one has made the right decision - even in it's most structured form the interview process is hopelessly unreliable. Allowing for the fact that there will always be the ones who are so hopelessly outside the zone and are, I suppose, "rejected" - there is never a question of "rejecting" people. As you well know, there are always a host of factors that never make their way into the job spec, that inform the end decision of the interviewers.

Given your read of how your interview worked out, there is no question of you being one of those "rejected".

I just want to pre-empt any such feelings on your part, should they go down another road. While it is, of course, extremely disappointing when it doesn't work out for you - in a sense, the decision is not really about you at all. It is about they giving the job or post to another.

So whatever happens, no feelings of "rejection". OK?

Aah, but if it's 'rejection' I can go into firey 'their loss' mode. If it's just one of those things, all I can do is go into 'just one of those things' mode...and where's the fun in that?

Bit teary this afternoon, I've misplaced a tenner than DD repaid, so have raided my change jar on the basis that the tenner goes back in when it turns up...but everyone at work, my entire team is out for their Xmas lunch...and I can't afford to go. My immediate manager knows about the expenses cock-up, but no one else does. So I told them I was a Jehovah's Witness. [Hmm] The annoying thing is the director was walking around asking everyone still sitting at their desks if they were coming along (they all were, just finishing something up..) he stayed behind to finish off a bit of work, didn't ask me if I was going and didn't even say cheerio when he left. I feel invisible.

Oh snape I feel wretched and want to give you the tenner and the money to go for lunch. How can anyone be heartless enough to leave you sitting there?

When do you hear about your interview? We all have everything crossed !!

I could tell you that 'this time will pass' but appreciate that probably won't help much.

Thats just bollox behaviour Snape....unfortunately I have worked in places like that and ending up having a little cry in the toilets while everyone is having a knees up...you are having such a tough time at the mo my darling...dont worry your time will come soon..I feel it in my water..

It just really sodding well annoys me. The argument that you get about poor kids sometimes not doing well at university because they're surrounded by silver spoons and 'naice' boys and girls and they're a bit ashamed of their upbringing, the don't mean to be, but it's obvious your dad,if you had one, was a bus driver and people laugh at your accent, or when you posh it up a bit, they laugh at you because you say 'toilet' instead of 'lavatory'. This is like university for poor kids, only we're all meant to be a bit more grown up now. I'm going to love-bomb the director. I will now make it my purpose in life to be indispensable and scummy-poor-aspirational. :)

Still, what could they have done? I wouldn't let them buy me lunch anyway. I'd rather spend what I have on my DCs than eat a £40 a head dinner (booze not included)

It will pass. It will. DS1 will go-the-fuck-to-school. DD will revise like mad over Xmas & pass her A levels and not have to repeat a year because she lacks any motivation at all at the moment. DS2 will continue to be the light of my life. Dcat will continue to sneak her way under the duvet at night so I can wake up with furry feet. XP will decide he's going to a Buddhist retreat for Xmas and new year and not bug me (he isn't a Buddhist, but it's would suit him) I will get my job (no idea when I'll find out, I didn't ask.) and voldemort will wake up and realise there is a terrible, desolate snape-sized hole in his life and declare undying love.

But I'll decline as I wouldn't want to upset johnny depp.

Phew thank the lord...you wouldnt want that limper back anyway.....would you????

Snape so much crap going on for you at the moment. I know you're so strong and can take 'em all in, but sometimes it just gets a bit much doesn't it? It will all sort out, but it'd sort out more easily if there were a bit more kindness in the world.

On not in!!

I do miss him, well I miss the idea of him, which was a bit different to the reality. It was having someone on my side who lied and said everything would be fine, because I wasn't in everything alone.

Ahh well.

Can relate in full, dear Snape. Against my better judgement I miss mine too. When he was in my life I felt safe, as if nothing could never hurt me. He was the least likely person in the world to just walk away. A big sweet man - or so he seemed. The world tilts and suddenly you are not sure what and who to trust any more.

I agree that there should be more kindness. And empathy. I am so sorry that so many of us have been going through such a raw time.

I send a hug and I would never have left you in the office alone - I would never have lived with myself. I worry about everyone.

Onwards and upwards my darling girl.

Life is complex for us all. Why can't things be simpler.

After sorting out the texting mishap out with my ex, I have just spent the last 3 hrs having brilliant conversation with him. I miss that. I miss the Coffee.
If only he wasn't such a twat when it came to the mundane everyday stuff.

It is not always easy being the one that ends a relationship. The pain I feel knowing the pain I caused him is a very heavy burden.

Well ladies the only person you can really trust ..is yerself and yer instincts...so it would seem. My 'rock' of 16yrs turned into a 'floater' as well...

Delurking to wish bant well with the interview.

Sending positive vibes to everyone else, particularly Snape after a difficult day.

Onwards and upwards. Stupid person alert.

OKC. I just don't get it. You get a message, you check profile, you see a list of so called similar men in your area, they never come up in my search. What is all this match stuff and the questions? Answer 50 and improve your matches. What?

Idiot proof answers please

Penny dropped. I haven't uploaded a photo yet. Duh!

Hi all, I need your advice: Mr Frustrated Writer, after more than 2 weeks' silence following our missed first meeting (he claimed that he couldn't make it because his car broke down) has suddenly made contact again, citing car breakdown, illness and a visit from his dd as reasons for his silence.

Now I'm thinking, bullshit. He had my mobile number, could easily have responded to my last text, even if just to say that he would be in touch later. My instinct is to ignore him and not reply to his latest message. Or should I reply to tell him why I no longer want to have any contact with him? What would you do?

Skaffen Ignore. Anyone that wrapped up in themselves would probably want to have the attention. It was pointed out to me yesterday that ignoring could be seen as sulking but it's been two weeks since he cancelled so meh.

48 okc is good if you are in a big city. I like it as I can tell by the answers to the questions someone's priorities, core values and attitudes. More to go on than the profile and picture. The more questions you answer, the better your matches are meant to be. I use the answers to the questions more than the profile. It weeds out, for example all those men who openly think 'Men should be the head of the household' and you can see those who have just answered mostly sex questions which is either a positive or negative depending on your viewpoint.

So if you are mostly friends does that mean you have answered the sex questions incompatibly?

I think the friends is if you are generally compatible. Most people just seem to answer random questions. All the questions are optional, you choose what you want to answer hence if someone has answered lots about one area e.g. sex or politics then by default it is more likely to be something that is important to them. If someone has answered only 50 questions and 48 are about sex, then that tells you something about why they are there.

Ah,...I think...Ive only answered a few questions tho...I find traffic a bit slow on OKC slightly better standard of fishing tho..

Skaffen I'd ignore him personally.

48howdidthathappen I used OKCupid and have no idea about the questions either!

I'm off now for second date with the guy I met on Sunday. I liked him but not sure he's that keen on me; only date I've ever been on where I considered as I came back from the bathroom that he might have done a runner! But then he might just be shy/ nervous, didn't help that I went to pieces as he walked in; bright red stumbling over my words and couldn't look at him, has never happened to me before so hoping to be more relaxed today!

Masami - good luck for the date. He must like you to have set up a second date with you . . . What are you going to be doing?

Skaffen - I'd ignore him, to be honest. If he's like this now, he's going to be flaky going on. (Unless he's been really ill as in hospitalised).

Well the email I've been waiting for all week from Widow's daughter arrived with the photographs.
In fact, it came yesterday afternoon but, because I have visitors, I never checked until this morning.

While I have been focussing on getting Widow's email address, I never considered the impact of the photographs. I had forgotten that Daughter's photography is at near-professional level. For her, it is an art form.

Her email header is "Guess who is the great talker in our family???". All the photographs have Widow in them, talking. Very clever on the part of Daughter, but, I am now a bit apprehensive that she may have over-reached herself a little. From the photographs, a blind man could see that Widow and I were very engaged with one another. I just hope that some of the photographs don't have a negative effect on Widow.

Overnight, they have all been engaged in criss cross email banter about the photographs and, because I've come late to the party, there has only been radio silence from my end.

Both Niece and her pal have given me a bit of a ribbing in their emails, but Widow has not referred, at all, to my presence in the photographs.

Widow responded to the original email, "You little minx!!!!!!! After all the cameras I bought for you over the years, you now use them as a deadly weapon of assault on your poor innocent mother. Everybody here knows that you are the Yapper Supreme".

So, I have just now emailed them, along the lines, inter alia, "It is lovely to see you all again - even if only in two dimensional form. Great to see that you are all as noisy as ever. "Daughter", the photographs look really great - you have a lovely talent. I must enjoy them properly at my leisure - I just have "stuff" going on these two days. I'll come back to you, but in the meantime, a big hug to everybody".

To be truthful, I am completely blown away by the photographs and don't know what Widow's real reaction will be. My instinct is to allow her time to absorb the photographs - let them grow on her. They should bring back nice warm memories- even if it is only of the sun.

Of course, she could just as easily just stuff them in the drawer and say "that little minx".

Masami hope you feel more relaxed on 2nd date. Don't put too much importance on it, no pressure on you for anything.

Dean Heaps of good luck for you.

Have answered a few questions on OKC. Avoided sex, religion and politics.
Will get a pic up when I can be arsed.

DeanMartin I think she needs time to process - I can't imagine losing someone so dear to me and then meeting someone else i might like...and my pesky children doing a bunch of match-making... but then that's me. :)