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Residual Parenting Commitments, The Last Turkey In The Shop, Boiled Bunnies, Men With Fish and Stolen Condoms. Dating Thread XXXI.

999 replies

FlorentinePogen · 04/12/2012 19:49

Get on with it, daters.............Smile

OP posts:
JulietteMontague · 12/12/2012 00:27

Banta re breakfast I'm a cafetiere woman so the very first time I would probably go get us both coffee and then Coffee.

Warm coissants in bed are always welcome but I wouldn't expect someone new to my house to get them the first time. Whoever was up for it could do breakfast and if my guest insisted, I'd go with them to turn the oven on show them where stuff is.

Eggs benedict? that is a treat for much, much later. Also distracts from more Coffee time.

JulietteMontague · 12/12/2012 00:29

Window welcome, also happy to look over your profile if you'd like to. Just pm me.

48howdidthathappen · 12/12/2012 09:15

banta If in my house (can't ever see that happening) I would do breakfast.

The two men I have had any sort of relationship with, I went to their place. Both brought me coffee in bed, breakfast was offfered, but I don't eat in the mornings. Both offered to run me a bath etc. Very normal I should think.

Hi window My pic on POF is rubbish, or do I really look like that Shock

Wickaninnish · 12/12/2012 09:17

snape your insight into OD for younger people was fascinating. I am in my mid 50's and until I started reading this thread had always assumed that the issues I experienced were either my fault or peculiar to my generation. I had assumed that because OD and social media were the norm for people in the 20's, 30's and 40's both men & women would approach meeting this way with a degree of integrity.

This thread has shown me just how wrong I was.

My OD experiences led me to believe that the pool of men in their mid- late 50's was both very limited and incredibly skewed. Most seemed to be carrying enormous (far more than normal at their age) baggage and be treating the whole experience like a sweet shop. They were determined to taste a little bit of every jar and had absolutely no intention of forming any kind of longer term relationship. They appeared to think that casual sex was what OD was all about. I also experienced a great deal of generalised bitterness and disdain towards women, often borne of the fact that they were the ones that had been pushed out of their comfy marriages by women who had realised that in their 50's they still had a chance to build happy independent lives.

Of course I realise that this might be a massive generalisation, but that was my OD experience.

I quickly decided it wasn't for me but came away, slightly bruised and certain that there had to be better ways of meeting people.

What interests me now, is that, if we all find our OD experiences so grim,why can't we collectively come up with a better way to meet genuine people with just a flake of integrity.

windowshoppingforblinds · 12/12/2012 09:17

Thanks for the warm welcome :) Banta, I think I would make the breakfast myself or as Juliette says, do it together. My profile is very brief at the moment - I actually have two (greedy) because I spend some weekends working in another area of the UK so I thought it would broaden my search.

I'm talking to two at the moment, one is a teacher but 10 years younger than me so i'm not sure about that as I prefer older men, the other is in property and 3 years younger than me, he may be a little too cool and 'surferish' for me Xmas Hmm

48howdidthathappen · 12/12/2012 09:40

wick Mr Fuck had been pushed out of his marriage, he didn't even really know why. His wifes career had taken off and he thought he no longer fitted the bill. His father had left when he was a small boy never to be seen again. He had rejection issues I knew that. I let my guard down the last night I was there to test him, I was more open and caring. I was myself. He ran.

OhWesternWind · 12/12/2012 09:41

Here's what I am going to buy for LM for Christmas.

A couple of books
A bottle of whisky
Handcuffs and vibrating cock ring.

How does that sound? Grin

MasamiAomame · 12/12/2012 09:42

Good luck windowshoppingforblinds!

I went on a date (my first in about four years!) with someone I met online on Sunday, I think I was more into him than he was me to be honest and I was really nervous (I had a job interview on Monday which was nowhere near as nerve-wracking). I'm not sure I'm going to see him again, he did suggest meeting up this week but then didn't reply when I agreed so we'll see.

I feel a bit of a loser for admitting this but I had a look last night and again this morning and can see he's been logging in to the dating site and has substantially re-written his profile (I know there's nothing wrong with doing this) with but I do feel if he's got time to do that he should have time to reply to my message agreeing to a date that HE suggested! Even if just to say he's changed his mind.

Wickaninnish Your comments above made me think of this (very long!) article I read the other day about age-preferences on OKCupid.

48howdidthathappen · 12/12/2012 09:43

OWW Most of gone well last night Smile

MasamiAomame · 12/12/2012 09:43

OhWesternWind I think it makes your intentions clear! Xmas Wink

OhWesternWind · 12/12/2012 09:54

48 It went really, really well last night. No Coffee but we went out for a drink and did a load of proper talking about emotions and all that. (He started it but I would have done if he hadn't). We seem to be in an eerily similar place in that we both like each other very much but are scared to open up and make ourselves vulnerable, so we have decided we're really going to try, and trust each other, and move things on a little. Still no rush, neither of us want to go at it like a bull at a gate but I feel very good about things today.

He does all the stupid stuff making joky comments to change the subject just like me, but he can't get away with it seeing as I know exactly what he's doing and why. We are both a bit fucked up, but that's not the end of the world if we both know what we're dealing with. It's like looking in a mirror, emotionally, and if his "good" feelings about this are the same as mine, which I think and hope they are, we will be alright.

I'm really hoping that this has laid the foundations for something good to come out of all the mess we've both had over the past couple of years.

Last two items on my present list were a joke . . . but I might be tempted Grin

Wickaninnish · 12/12/2012 10:19

48 my experience was that most men I met who had suffered the ignominy of being pushed out of their marriages professed not to know why. Listening to them talk about their relationships I thought the reasons were pretty evident and that they were emotionally quite immature.

I think one of the problems is that many men born in the 50's and 60's grew up with a strong sense of entitlement. My brother never lifted a finger in our house, whilst my sisters and I ran around helping with most of the chores.

As women achieved independence, I think some of these men got left behind. They weren't brought up to talk about their feelings and when their marriages dissolved, found themselves without the emotional capability to work out why.

I suspect Mr Fuck ran because your emotional strength terrified him. You might want more than an occasional fumble !!

48howdidthathappen · 12/12/2012 10:53

wick sadly he behaved exactly as I expected. So in reality he passed the test.

JulietteMontague · 12/12/2012 11:12

Wick I repeatedly wonder why I meet fuckwits, them I remember that as a twenty something I was mixing with intelligent, educated, feminist aware men and tended to avoid the would be corporate types precisely because of their embedded attitudes to women.

I consistently meet men who either really don't like women, constantly refer to 'her getting the house' or had affairs. They wonder what happened to their lives. They are also totally full of themselves, think their money equates with charm and I should fall at their feet. Physically, they are strangers to any grooming whatsoever, I actually have to 'hide' a lot of them as it depresses me that this is what thinks it has a chance with me.

Masam that article you posted is my experience.

On the upside, I do know that when I do meet someone good, they will be very good.

Wickaninnish · 12/12/2012 11:26

juliette so it wasn't just me hiding the scruffy specimens that turned up to meet me Xmas Grin !! One spent a good hour trying to pursuade me about his entitlement to extra marital affairs until he twigged at the level of ridicule in my questions. He drained his glass, went to the loo and didn't return !!

masam great article. Says it all really.

New Years Resolution number 1 - find a better way to meet people!!

JulietteMontague · 12/12/2012 11:37

I am so pissed off. Was meant to be meeting Tea man this evening, he has just cancelled. Has to 'meet a supplier' excuse that I don't believe, my radar already said he might be a runner. This morning I get "I realised I've probably blown it but" message, no request to re-arrange which means he really wasn't that interested. Twat. This is the third one in a row.

So he wants me to confirm I've received his message, presumably to keep a clear conscience. Someone stop me sending a rude reply.

JulietteMontague · 12/12/2012 11:41

To clarify date with Tea man would have been the first meeting, third in a row means i thee different men spread across 2 months although I've remembered one exception which was an entitled Doctor who just made assumptions about me rather than let me say anything.

BantaBaby · 12/12/2012 11:42

Juliette - no need to be rude, just reply 'Yes you have'.

If you send something nice and forgiving back he'll feel the ball is in his court and he can string you along. If you send something rude back he'll feel he was justified in cancelling and get a warm feeling about how intuitive he is. If you ignore him he'll get the same feeling about you being sulky.

BantaBaby · 12/12/2012 11:48

Just had a phone call from the Artist annoyed that I haven't replied to her text from this morning, when I was trying to get the DC breakfast, dressed and to school on time, all while feeling yeuch from manflu and also trying to plan the presentation I've got to give tomorrow at this job interview - which I have to fly to Eastern Europe for tonight.

She's pissed off that I couldn't hear her on a bad mobile line and that I wasn't very lovey dovey. I spoke to her for an hour last night about her job and said I'd call from the airport this evening.

I've really got too much on my plate to be dealing with someone who is demanding all of my free time, wants to meet the DC after only 2 weeks and is getting narked when I'm not dropping everything to text her sweet nothings. I've moved from the 'Hopefully she'll calm down a bit' stage to the 'I don't want to see her again' stage.

Right. Long text message to drop her or do I have to do it by phone? And can it wait until after my interview?

Snapespeare · 12/12/2012 12:00

yes it can wait until after your interview (good luck! good luck!!) while the prefered method of dumping is face to face, she's mad & needy (and will kiss you to distract you) I'd do it prefreably by email if at all possible , but at a pinch by text.

ike1 · 12/12/2012 12:00

Do it after interview, send text and state that you will phone her to discuss more if she wants but that the conversation will be time limited. Definitely do it tho..

ike1 · 12/12/2012 12:01

Oh and good luck lovely..

FlorentinePogen · 12/12/2012 12:05

Banta, you're going to Eastern Europe for a job interview ? International man of mystery, indeed !!

Good luck, not that you'll need it.

Whatever happened to your threat to only post in German ? Smile

L'Artiste sounds like very, very hard work.

OP posts:
JulietteMontague · 12/12/2012 12:07

Bant you have to focus on the interview. It now entirely depends on what will give you less hassle. It is unlikely to go well if you dump her now, whichever way you do it.

You don't have time or the head space to deal with her until after. I would stall her, mentally block her out of your mind and deal with it once you are back. It's only 24 hrs until the interview and then you can do whatever you like. There is no need for your phone to be 'on' all the time as clearly, you will be avoiding roaming charges. That should avoid bunny boiling texts and of course that photo attachment from her garage. Don't for one second get a conscience on this, she has wanted a bf and you fitted in. She had no respect for your boundaries, it was all about her.

Best of luck for tomorrow, you'll wow them Grin

antonym · 12/12/2012 12:12

12/12/12 12:12:12

just saying Xmas Smile