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Relationships

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Residual Parenting Commitments, The Last Turkey In The Shop, Boiled Bunnies, Men With Fish and Stolen Condoms. Dating Thread XXXI.

999 replies

FlorentinePogen · 04/12/2012 19:49

Get on with it, daters.............Smile

OP posts:
Scattylatte · 10/12/2012 20:08

bill I'd say you are in reserve hence the cycles. Im only saying this as I have a habit of rejuvenating old daters when I'm bored. I like them but not enough to have a relationship. If you are ok with that then go for it. No expectations

Snapespeare · 10/12/2012 20:10

bill you're being kicked to the curb and picked up when it's convenient. Stuff that.

I got a 'forget it' once because I wouldn't Skype. I forgot it. :-)

Yogagirl17 · 10/12/2012 20:11

Hi all. Currently on the sofa. OKC & POF profiles both deleted. GS still ticking over (tho not currently subscribed) and debating whether I can be bothered to try and get in touch with nice-ish sounding guy. Probably not.

Also trying to decide whether I can afford to go away for a day or two at new year cause the kids will be away and I don't really want to be on my own for 4 whole days. Sad

Bant "how do I get her to accept the fact that it is very nice to see her, spend time with her, have Coffee with her, but I also have a life of my own and really can't spend all my time talking to or being with her?" You are going to have to be very straight and clear with her because she is not one for taking hints or subtlety. So something along the lines of, "I really like you but we've only known each other a couple of weeks and it's going too fast for me. I still need time for myself and my kids - do you think you can be ok with that?"

I still have a bad feeling about her but only you really know what it's like to be in it.

Yogagirl17 · 10/12/2012 20:14

Ooh lots of x-posting. Snape good luck tomorrow, you will be awesome!!

BillMasen · 10/12/2012 20:23

Geek girl is nice but it's early days. Don't know where it will lead. Moon girl is one of those where you know you're a bit of a reserve, as are they, but you just kind of gravitate back towards each other sometimes. Kind of a FWB thing but without the B.

BantaBaby · 10/12/2012 20:30

Bill - the problem with online dating, as I mentioned before as something I've had issues with, is that if you've got multiple possibilities on the go it's impossible to concentrate on any one of them; and playing the field, while it can be fun, tends to mean you end up going off all of them for different reasons.

Even though the Artist is probably going to end soon, I thought it wasn't really fair to keep contacting other people, winking, responding to winks and mails etc.

The fact that the Artist asked me to not go onto the website anymore yesterday made me realise that I want to take a break from OD for a while, I think - and take a break from her too.

FWB without the B is just F, nothing more. Personally, I'd say to Moongirl that you're dating someone else as you're looking for something a bit more serious than MG has given you in the past. She'll either back off or step it up a bit if she actually does like you. I get the feeling she'd back off though - but better to know than not to, surely. Seeing MoonGirl will probably put paid to the chance of anything with GeekGirl though

Snapespeare · 10/12/2012 20:33

It is better to know than not know. :)

jaffacake2 · 10/12/2012 20:36

Hi everyone Smile
Still having some issues with dickhead guy who dumped me.
Been on POF site and everytime I log on he winks at me.
What is that all about ? Why would he do that if he doesnt want to be with me ?
Answers on a postcard please

Yogagirl17 · 10/12/2012 20:43

Jaffa - just block the dickhead

Snapespeare · 10/12/2012 20:46

He's thinking You're a daft needy woman he can keep dangling as an after thought. :) how wrong can someone be... ?

fayster · 10/12/2012 20:49

Good luck for tomorrow, Snape.

Jaffa, there's no deciphering some people. Don't waste you time trying to.

BantaBaby · 10/12/2012 20:55

Jaffa - sorry, how did he dump you again?

lulubellaboozle · 10/12/2012 21:05

Jaffa cos he's a cock and wants to keep all his options open?

Snape good luck tomorrow, hope it goes well

I'm impressed by all the DIY'ers!

Bantababy bells are ringing and they aren't the jingle ones! I think there is a lack of self awareness and empathy going on and that she genuinely can only look at things from her own perspective.

and my update, well STBXH is being a controlling Twunt nothing new there

Had a lovely weekend with Mr Ex Army, been seeing him 3 months now. I love being with him, we have a lot of fun, he makes me laugh and has been very understanding about my insecurities as a result of treatment by STBXH .....maybe a small red flag though, keeping an eye on things.

We went to a friend of mines party on Saturday, we both got very drunk but him more so than me. There was a woman there who I know to say hello to and who I spoke to briefly at the beginning of the night and introduced him to.

The party was packed and throughout the evening we bumped into her a few times as she moved past us, a few smiles and laughs. Towards the end of the evening we were standing together when this woman passed us again and we had to move to let her through. Mr EA suddenly says to her "I've been watching you all evening", not in a lecherous way, but it was an odd thing to say and she was slightly confused and laughed and walked on. He knew as soon as he said it that I didn't like it and said to me "sorry, I don't know why I said that". We had a few words, mainly me saying that is really inappropriate why on earth would you say that to a stranger and him apologising and saying I don't know why or what I meant. I did get upset, I don't want to be in any sort of relationship where there is even the slightest question that who I am with is eyeing up other women or looking at other options.

He got upset to and swore he had no idea why he said it, and told me how much he thought of me, how lucky he was to of found me and then told me he loved me. I've sort of thought that is how he felt, and I always expected to it to be said when drunk. He doesn't find it easy to do emotional chats when sober. He sounded genuine and remorseful and a bit confused by what he had said the women.

The next morning he said he thought I wouldn't be talking to him after what he had said last night. I said it was a stupid thing to say and he said, I know.

We had a lovely sunday. I don't get any sense in any other way that he is a player or looking at other women but he is very gregarious when he has had a drink.

so my question is, if he really was hitting on someone would he do it with me standing beside him. His apology and remorse seemed genuine, he seemed upset with himself and a bit confused. But, it is an odd thing to say and it is bothering me because obviously I am posting on here and I am turning it over in my head.

I guess I was so shocked when I discovered my STBXH was having an affair and I question what I missed and didn't see and now I am sure I trust my own judgement.

Sorry for the ramble!

jaffacake2 · 10/12/2012 21:06

Banta - been with him a month then just got dumped by text saying he didnt want a longterm relationship.
Am chatting on line to a spiritual medium who wants to play hula hoop in the park ? I seem to attract weird men. Wonder what message I am giving out ?

lulubellaboozle · 10/12/2012 21:07

that is I am NOT sure I trust my own judgement.

BillMasen · 10/12/2012 21:14

bant I get that, and I'm no player at all. Just that one date, with a second pencilled in is far too early to shut all other options down.

BantaBaby · 10/12/2012 21:29

jaffa - ah right. Message, him, tell him to get bent, then block him.

Lulu - sometimes people can say things instinctively, especially if he'd been single for a while - I wouldn't hold it against him the first time, but the second time I'd worry. He did seem extremely apologetic, maybe give him a chance

BantaBaby · 10/12/2012 21:33

Bill - I agree, but it doesn't seem like a good option. And personally I think I'm going with the approach that a successful date is a good time pull back on other options to give it a chance. At least, I stop searching and messaging but I'll politely respond to people that message me.

I've had enough dates where I'm thinking - well this one is nice, but I liked the smile of the one I'm seeing next Tuesday, and the one on Saturday had a lovely cute button nose. Comparing too many options means you're seeking perfection which is unlikely to happen. That is, of course, just my approach.

Meh. My phone just beeped to say I had a text and I looked at it thinking 'ah sod it's the Artist again' - it wasn't, it was an automated one from my mobile provider, and I was actually relieved. This does not, as they say, bode well.

KirstyWirsty · 10/12/2012 21:34

Off for an overnight hotel stay with Mr Cheeky from work tomorrow .. If last time is anything to go by I won't be getting much sleep due to all the Coffee (6 times) .. Although it was more a case of quantity and not quality as we both had far too much to drink .. Both staying stone cold sober tomorrow night .. Hopefully it will live up to expectations this time as really fancy each other and we can talk to each other about anything

SkaffenAmtiskaw · 10/12/2012 21:37

Snape: good luck for tomorrow.

Banta: the Artist comes across as ever so slightly bunny-boilerish...

Lullu: that would be a definite red flag for me. Maybe not enough on its own to justify ending it, but certainly one to keep in mind.

AS for my update, I'm on OKC, I have a second date scheduled with Mr Hot Yoga for Friday lunchtime. Also chatting with 2 other guy, one who I've spoken to on Skype and I'm meeting next week but I'm not too sure about because I think he still holds a torch for his "best friend" who he had a brief relationship with, the other an fun looking Irish man.

I've just received a message from a 18 year old, who I politely rebuffed. Just too young, I can't see how we'd have anything to say to each other...

JulietteMontague · 10/12/2012 21:40

Jaffa delete and block was made for this one

Yoga on go on, you never know...

Snape you'll walk it woman

Bill you like Geekgirl, Geekgirl likes you. MG views you as a backup so why would you bother?

Bantababy like you said Grin. Maybe be careful about telling her about any of your plans with DC though as she has no regard for your boundaries and sounds like the type to engineer a meeting.

Lulu Nothing wrong with looking, definitely something wrong with saying something to her. If he was very drunk he probably just said it because he was looking and just forgot himself. I would be pissed off too but at this stage just keep his card marked as he did acknowledge it was wrong and did seem genuinely remorseful.

Me, have put myself on the sofa bench as have decided I shouldn't be allowed out in public until after the C thing is over. I do have tea and pastries date with man who has been consistently nice from gsm which could go either way. He seems articulate is apparently writes comedy in his spare time but I'm not sure the intellect is there or not, he could just unassuming and nice. I shall call him Tea man.

KirstyWirsty · 10/12/2012 21:40

snape good luck for tomorrow

bant if thinking you are getting a text from her gives you a sinking feeling then you know it's not right for you!!

~waves~ to everyone else

Yogagirl17 · 10/12/2012 21:47

Kirsty Envy

Bant not good if you would rather get spam than a txt from the person you're dating...

Juliette Should I really? I'm bored, but...

JulietteMontague · 10/12/2012 21:48

Yep! you know what to do Grin

natureslaw · 10/12/2012 21:50

My update: still with Ironman, all still good. It's a proper 'thing' now.
No red flags, a few things that make me go hmmm but we've known each other for a couple of months now so it's on the brink of a longer term thing so I suppose a handful of things to think about is normal? What say you?

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