Residual Parenting Commitments, The Last Turkey In The Shop, Boiled Bunnies, Men With Fish and Stolen Condoms. Dating Thread XXXI.

[FlorentinePogen]

Get on with it, daters.............

Oh I need luck to OWW so thanks! Lol

Well done 48 I am impressed-!

48 go for it! I am going to finish off wallpapering my hall tonight and then if the flesh is still willing, do some stripping in my bedroom . . . I made a sliding door and frame for a cupboard earlier this year and was so chuffed with myself afterwards!

Ike you can have loads of good luck any time!

WOW!!!!

High fives for the DIY :o

Wow I am impressed with your DIY exploits! Where did you find the instructions for the sliding door?

Skaffen - I made it up, I got some single plastic channel stuff from Homebase then glued it together to make a double channel, then cut two doors out of MDF, put handles on them, fixed the twin channel top and bottom with the doors in and then got some architrave and made a mitred frame to go round the outside and hide the gubbins. I think you can buy proper twin-channel stuff but our Homebase is a bit rural and lacking in stock . . .

At the moment, unfortunately it's either I do the jobs or they don't get done. I would rather get someone in to do it all (or even better have a handy bloke around the place to help out) but actually I find I can do a lot more than I would have thought and I get a real sense of achievement from doing it. I'll have a go at most things so long as they are in the class of jobs that if they go wrong, the consequences are annoying rather than dangerous . . . My favourite job is demolition, very therapeutic.

Done Piece of piss!

Door is only 100x50. Used easy fit lay on hinges. Hook and staple to shut.
Will prime later.

Worst job I di this summer was relay half of the patio. Did it though.

I had a man that could. I want a man that does!

Well. Now I'm recovered a bit. I spent most of the weekend with the Artist, mostly in bed, nipped to the shops for energy drinks, that kind of thing, lounged around and watched a couple of films, talked a bit.

Her approach to the safe sex thing is that she was never able to conceive with her ex, so as long as we were careful around dates and avoided the few days around her ovulation there wouldn't be a problem. Obviously, she said, she'd wanted to have children but had given up on the idea. I was careful with the condoms but just think I can't be permanently on watch for not getting her pregnant when she's got no wish to use any kind of contraceptive herself. She said she's all clean as far as STIs go, and assumes I'm the same.

So - it was a nice weekend, lots of Coffee, but I'm kind of on guard and had to literally push her off me a couple of times when she was pouncing on me, and she was grumpy about me reaching for the durex.

She got a bit narked about me heading back to mine on the sunday evening as I had stuff to do which I'd planned for Saturday - but then phoned me as soon as I got home. And again later, saying she missed me and wished I was still there. And just a little while ago asking why I didn't phone her this morning.

She did calm down when I was there, but how do I get her to accept the fact that it is very nice to see her, spend time with her, have Coffee with her, but I also have a life of my own and really can't spend all my time talking to or being with her.

Also, she actually sounds pissed off about the fact I agreed with my ex that the DC won't meet a new partner until we've been with them for 6 months. She keeps suggesting ways she could meet mine - in the shops, in town for a coffee, at a playground or something - and I just think that even a casual introduction to my new 'friend' is going to be a bit odd for them as I don't introduce them to new 'friends' very often - they know my old friends but generally see friends with kids or family when they're with me. They're 5 and 7 so probably won't take too much to heart if they never see a 'friend' again - but she's pushy after two weeks so it's starting to wind me up.

Think I might date the jigsaw

48 forget the jigsaw, gotta be the steam stripper ...

BB this is one worrying woman. If it were the other way round and I was dating a bloke who was very careless about contraception, made dangerous assumptions about being clean, was over-keen to meet my children and redefined the word "needy", well actually I wouldn't be dating him. I can see how it can be a real boost to have someone that into you, but really she can't even have started to get to know you yet, and she's charging blindly on without considering what you want/need. All sounds very immature and uncontrolled on her part. There will be horrendous, messy scenes when you finish it with her. How have you left it about seeing her again? Please be careful about what you're getting into here.

Banta listen to your gut feelings on this one. OWW has it spot on.

All the warning signs are there that you are getting into something that will get emotionally very messy.

The only way you can calm it down is to be very straight with her that your children, your space and condoms are non negotiable and that you find the pushy behaviour irritating. She might then calm it, although I suspect that all the issues will arise again in a few weeks.

You have to decide whether this brand of Coffee is so special that you want to put up with all the issues that accompany it !!

Many thanks, wickaninnish for your advice, expecially coming with your unique insight.

You may be more insightful than you realise.

After speaking to her daughter on Saturday night, two things stayed in my brain when I mentally replayed the conversation afterwards.
One thing she said was "Mom is the straightest person, I know - maybe too straight".
The other thing was "Mom still carries a big torch for Dad".

I interpreted that as meaning that Widow would not play games and may shut me off, rather than lead me on - even if she had an inclination to engage.

The second remark, I like - because, I am really in the same boat.
So I feel this will have to be a very slow burn - and I have no problem with that.

My fear is about doing something that would make her reach for the safety button - because it would be the "straight" thing to do.

I also take Banta's hint not to respond straightaway when the photos are circulated by her daughter. The most important thing is not put her under any kind of pressure - but, I am really anxious to make some kind of contact very soon. It is nearly three months since we had that wonderful five-day interlude. Although she is most probably aware that I have had a fair bit of contact with daughter since - those two are really close.

banta I think she could eat a whole one

Honestly listen to your inner voice.

banta The Artist is speeding up this relationship to quickly. She doesnt seem to be that interested in your side - phoning you as soon as you are in and calling again to ask why you havent phoned shows, to me, that her only interest is herself and her needs. Respecting your needs and desires is vital. Have a word with her. If she is one dimensional - have a rethink

All this DIY talk is very inspiring. I am in awe at making doors. I can do some DIY but I worry always about electric cables behind walls.

Snape Any more convos with the man from OKC?

I was just wondering (as I am pedantic) whether we should have a wee recap of where we all are (Yes I am very aware that sounds sooo management speakish ) with regards to the sofa:

Me: On the sofa. Meeting fireman with no teeth on Friday. Got an FWB offer from an old friend. Occassionally texting date from 2 weeks ago.

That's a very realistic fear dean. You are going to have to be extremely sensitive to overcome some of the hurdles you will have to deal with.

It can be done. I have a very close girlfriend who is now with a Widower she met 6 years after her husband died.

If someone has been in a good marriage I would expect them to still hold those memories close, long after their partner has died. That doesn't mean, however, that they won't have the capacity to love someone new.

You have one big advantage in all of this. My own experience of OD has been so bad that I have resolved that I am only interested in RL meetings. She probably feels the same. The important thing for you will be to determine the right time to take the first step and each step thereafter.

Happy to carry on this discussion on thread but equally happy to PM if you prefer.

Hey everyone,

In response to Scatty's request.

Recap:

On sofa (ie, not on any dating sites), but with 1 (restorative) fwb and 1 fairly new casual dating relationship (he lives 50 miles away).

WarmFuzzy x

scatty on sofa having given up with OD and decided to settle for roaring fire and sole custody of the remote.

Really happy to read all your success stories but have no idea what the future holds in relationship terms.

Keep thinking that with our combined experience we ought to be able to come up with an alternative to the OD sites currently on offer!!

".....nipped to the shops for energy drinks......"

Banta, you little devil.......

Cooked lunch for last week's walking date, had lots of wine and then Coffee, for the first time in 18 months!

Pleased to report that all is in working order still

Though the wine meant that things moved a lot quicker than I would have liked, and I'm a bit worried I might have scared him off!

scatty, mr 'stopped texting abruptly' picked up where he left off 18h later, suggested meeting for a drink & Wednesday's the day. His txts r all in txtspk but his emails weren't - we shall see whether he can converse!

48. You.... You feminist you! Men don't like women that don't need them... (Tongue firmly in cheek, my mum was a single parent, I was brought up in a house where she did everything, I have retiled kitchens, re-wired houses and believe I can do anything, because I can read. It would just be nice if someone else did it... )

bant this

deanmartin. following your developments with interest. Wishing you well

scatty nope. Not a word. to be expected. Got several message stodgy from different folk, might reply to the guy with a dud chromosome and a debilitating terminal illness, just because I'm interested in the kind of women that might contact someone who is very honest about their life. But he does refer to 'breeders' in his opening sentence, so is arguably another idiot.

In other news CAHMS appointment for Ds1 this afternoon, went OK I guess, psychoanalyst thinks he might be at risk of agrophobia (...) and thinks CBT will work. We'll see.

My job interview is tomorrow. At the moment I feel a bit excited, but that's because I did a difficult presentation this morning to a bunch of policy-wonks (noticed the only vaguely good looking one was picking his nose while I was speaking) but it went well and gave me some confidence for tomorrow. :)

Ok. Advice needed on this one. Apologies it might be a bit long.

There's a girl at work. Ill call her moongirl as she's actually scared of the moon! Shes much younger than me (24) and we've been "friends" for about a year. Kind of dated on and off but she seems to blow hot and cold. So for example we'll see each other once a week for a few weeks, meals, cinema, weekend away, all the dating stuff. No Coffee but lots of kissing. Then suddenly I'll get radio silence for 2 or 3 weeks. No reason, just disappears. Then she'll text and well chat again and the cycle starts all over again.

Well we had a dating cycle in sept/oct. then silence for a bit, but now texting again and she wants to meet up next week sometime. I'm torn between just saying I don't fancy just a few dates again before she disappears, or just enjoy when we do see each other but with no expectations.

Huge luck Snape. All digits crossed.

The word breeder in the opening sentience when it's got nothing to do with crufts is wrong.

walk have you met mr textspk? Hopefully it will get more literate face to face.

I'm fed up with the level of literacy on POF is so low. I'm no Jane Austin but I can construct to communicate a sentence. One has just got the hump over his tattoo and whether or not I could see it. 'forget it' was his parting shot. Nice.

Snape - thanks. Haven't heard that in years. Good luck tomorrow, you'll storm it. Work/interview/DC commitments don't allow me to see the Artist for another week, so I'll see if I can work out a way to tactfully withdraw from things. I am worried I'm going to get the photo of her naked in tears with 'But I love you' painted on her forehead, as Juliette said..

Bill - what about the Geek? It sounds like MoonGirl isn't really seriously into you - someone who keeps disappearing would irritate me - did she ever give a reason for one of her disappearances?