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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Residual Parenting Commitments, The Last Turkey In The Shop, Boiled Bunnies, Men With Fish and Stolen Condoms. Dating Thread XXXI.

999 replies

FlorentinePogen · 04/12/2012 19:49

Get on with it, daters.............Smile

OP posts:
Santasapunkatheart · 09/12/2012 09:26

I truly now expect so little....but I do expect some lovely success stories from you lot.

That would make me very happy....

Pixiebelle123 · 09/12/2012 10:24

Santa - I hope you can take strength from sharing your story here, most of us have a nobhead ex that has led to the murky world of online dating. I hope your DD is feeling better soon, my DD has been going through lots of tears and sadness recently over the split so I can really sympathise. I honestly believe that me being happy with someone else will bea good thing for my DD, I hope you meet someone wonderful soon.

Poppy- good to hear you feeling so strong, you go girl! (oh dear, does that sound a bit cheesy?!)

I have a bit of a pickle. I met history teacher twice, no physical contact, no spark at all. Haven't seen him in about a month but he still texts to ask me how my weekend is going etc. How do I politely reply and tell him I'm not interested?

Poppysquad · 09/12/2012 11:50

Hi Pixie and thanks. Still could shed a little tear for my half Italian Stallion. Merc Man just reminded me how much fun HIS had been. Boring engineer date tomorrow.

Cheese and pickle in one post! I was wondering if trying to put yourself into his shoes might help. I am sure you'd want to know it's a 'no' rather than hold on to the hope that there might be something there and be told kindly, reassuringly, you are a lovely person, you deserve to find someone?? Now who is cheesy?

ike1 · 09/12/2012 11:56

Got a date with The Architect2 tonight (2 is for OWW not to bring back memories of Architect1). I dont actually want to go...dunno why...I guess I find this dating thing really uncomfortable.

WarmFuzzyFun · 09/12/2012 12:00

Hi everyone

I am reading the thread and kind of lurking, have parked myself on sofa.

The wisdom of the moment for me has been OWW's comment : It all comes in its own time, no point trying to rush things along.

Wishing you all positive associations.

WarmFuzzy

Yogagirl17 · 09/12/2012 12:09

Western/Fuzzy - with regard to things coming in their own time, reminds me of something i read that said you can't "push a river" - you have to let it flow at its' own pace.

bumhead · 09/12/2012 12:13

Pixie - why don't you tell him he is history? Xmas Grin

Pixiebelle123 · 09/12/2012 12:30

Bum - ha ha, believe me I'd like to! The man just will not take a hint. We have had no chemistry at all, 2 boring dates with not so much as a polite hug.

Poppy - you are right, much as I'd like to be a coward and ignore him I'm going to politely say there's is no spark. Boring engineer date may not be as boring as you fear, if nothing else view it as good practise!

History teacher's last text simply said any nice plans for the weekend - I was thinking of replying something along the lines of 'I've had a nice weekend thank you, hope you have too. It's been nice getting to know you but I have decided to take a break from dating for a while. Good luck with the future.'

Taking a break is not a lie - things are going really well with mr tall and I don't want to talk to anyone else at the moment Smile. We've only had 2 dates but he stayed over last night (no coffee but lots of snogging!) and he's really keen to meet again. I'm trying not to get too excited but he's lovely!

JulietteMontague · 09/12/2012 13:10

Santa I also know just how hard it is to watch your DC breaking apart. You post could have been mine once, except it was a long time ago and not after 20 years.

My DS father has not seen him since he was a baby, no contact, no money (he went to a different country to avoid paying). The only father hew knew was my ex who was his stepfather for a few years. Despite wanting to adopt DS when we were planning to get married then withdrew from him a particularly cruel way after we parted. I have since spent years trying to protect DS from that hurt. Santa's goolies are already quite sore

It is very early days for you, it does get better.

Poppy your inner Diva is emerging Grin

48howdidthathappen · 09/12/2012 14:12

ike The enthusiasm. Love it Grin

pixie Sounds good. Shame we have to wear full armour.

I am comfy on the sofa. Mr Fuck was good Coffee, but strictly vanilla. It would of quickly got very dull.

DeanMartinx · 09/12/2012 15:10

For those of you that remember:

I had a long skype call last night with Widow's daughter on the West Coast.
Ostensibly the call was supposed to be about her mooted change of career plans.

Managed to get the conversation around to how bewildered I was when they changed holiday plans and took off to sail to Rome and Elba - with just a text message.

Without appearing to be too probing, I found out that the "uncle" figure was an old friend of her Dad's and was, in fact, co-Executor of his Will, along with the family solicitor. She said "he is quite wealthy" (my antenna always goes up when I hear something like that). He was supposed to just pull into harbour for an overnight visit with them. Instead he arrived and "swept" them all off to go to Elba. There is a particular family interest in Elba.

Widow is quite dependent on this guy in his role as Executor. Although her husband had not worked for quite a number of years before his death, he still remained a substantial shareholder in his business. The business was sold around the time of his death, for apparently good money. But, the business is being sued, with others, for some major problems in some contract they were involved with. The proceeds of sale have been frozen by the Court until the case is held.

As a result, Widow is now dependent on the outcome of this court case to determine whether she will have a life of frugality or one of reasonable comfort, going forward. And she has to apply to the Court to get release of some funds from the proceeds - and she relies on this guy to organise claims on her behalf.

This guy is divorced for some time. I asked Daughter if her mom and this guy were a bit of an item - she said no, but he "uses her" now and then, when he needs a partner at a function etc..

She felt that it would be better if she did not give me her Mom's number - but she said she had photographs from our time on holiday and she would email them to all of us, thereby giving me her Mom's email, by default. (Clever girl).

I remain conscious of natureslaw's warning about the difference between a holiday romance and a romance in the cold light of day. Life seems a lot less complicated when you have the Mediterranean sun on your back.

As soon as I get Daughter's email, I will email Widow. Hopefully, she will notice the speed with which I made contact, once I got the opportunity.

Now, I just have to ponder over the type and tone of my message to her. To say I'm out out of experience in these matters is a bit of understatement.

I would welcome views as to how I should present myself.
Thanks again.

Wickaninnish · 09/12/2012 15:56

dean i think you should focus on being light hearted, genuine and not pushy.

I was widowed 6 years ago and whilst most of the time I would welcome someone taking the initiative, I still have days when I would be more wary. I suspect that in addition to her bereavement the uncertainty about her financial future will make the concept of a new relationship difficult to envisage. She won't want to mislead anyone new about her circumstances and may find it difficult to explain what is going on.

How about responding to the email containing the photos with something like 'Lovely memories of a great holiday. I really enjoyed our conversations and often wonder how you are getting on. If you ever want someone to talk to, it would be good to hear from you' and then just give her your phone number, email address etc.

If I received that I might not respond immediately, but I would pick up the phone at some stage and say hello.

lulubellaboozle · 09/12/2012 16:09

Dean I think the suggestion from Wickaninnish is absolutely perfect word for word!

TweedSlacks · 09/12/2012 16:22

De lurks { shy wave to thread }

I think what Wickaninnish wrote is perfect , just maybe add a single ' x'

Santa Lots of hugs are required I think , so unfair

[ Re Lurks ]

Yogagirl17 · 09/12/2012 16:36

Just popping in to say I was helping out with a charity bag pack at Asda earlier and was flirted with by a 70 yo with very shiny dentures. Twas definitely the highlight of my week! Xmas Grin

48howdidthathappen · 09/12/2012 16:47

yoga Envy

natureslaw · 09/12/2012 16:48

Yoga Aw I love a flirty old man!

Dean What Wickan said.

Put our tree up. It looks dreadful. Ironman is round this evening so I'm going to get him to provide artistic input and straighten it up because he's taller than me!

JulietteMontague · 09/12/2012 17:12

We have lost the all the C tree decorations. It's been 3 days of searching. They are in the house somewhere, they must be as everything else (including the paper mache reindeers) was in the loft. Would just go get cheap new ones but these are all the things DS made or we collected over the years. No point in getting a tree until we find them. 'Tis a mystery.

Dean Wickan has this spot on. Good luck

Yoga you minx you Grin

BantaBaby · 09/12/2012 17:40

Back from a weekend with the Artist. I'm very very tired....Blush Grin

Dean - Wickaninnishes plan sounds like a good one. I'd wait till the next day, personally, not straightaway, but add that one kiss suggested by Tweed (waves at Tweed)

Yoga - are onion bhajis part of the traditional Chanukah meal? I had some last week - does this mean I'm part jewish now?

Ike - I've never had a date I was feeling 'meh' about which turned out well, so postpone if you're just having a down day, or cancel completely with a respectable excuse if you're just not that into him.

Poppy - sounds like you know what you feel about MercedesMan, if he does get in touch would you meet him again given what you feel after date 1?

(waves to everyone else, goes to find some protein in the fridge..)

jaffacake2 · 09/12/2012 17:48

Sorry but felt lonely last night and sent dickhead a text "missing you x "
Reply this morning "me too "
Me "really?"
Reply "who is this ? "
Made me laugh and realise that he is a player stating that he was missing someone but he didnt even know who the sender was !!!
So enough of him and will keep finger off text.

48howdidthathappen · 09/12/2012 18:03

jaffa You could of texted back. 'Oops! my mistake' Grin

bantababy Tired. Lightweight. Wink

Snapespeare · 09/12/2012 18:07

Have mental image of bantababy as a dehydrated husk.

Grin
48howdidthathappen · 09/12/2012 18:23

snape you have just described Mr Fuck after Wed night/Thurs morning Grin

Yogagirl17 · 09/12/2012 18:51

Bant "And lo, in 165 BCE, after the Maccabis defeated King Antiochus, and rededicated the temple, they celebrated the miracle of the oil with a meal of fried potato pancakes and onion bhajis." Grin

Actually, in all seriousness, you're meant to eat anything cooked in oil - latkes and donuts are more traditional but I think bhajis & pakora fit the bill too! Celebrating Jewish holidays is pretty much always about the food.

Snapespeare · 09/12/2012 19:08

48 youre going to break him! Grin

I am having a lovely conversation with a writer on OKC. His first message was 4 answers to questions I hadn't yet asked. He just told me marmite is made of Tarmac, bile and broken dreams. My response was 'you forgot bile. Were they your broken dreams, or did you have to procure some? How does one obtain someone else's broken dreams anyway, short of asking very nicely and in a state of undress?'

We've been talking about zombie outbreaks and talking badgers. This is far preferable to '.u look sexy Hun! LOL xxxxxxxxx!!!'

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