Kissing

[Dadslib]

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Not much help to offer dl but I will say that dp and I went through a bit of a dry spell concerning sex and I've found that the more we do it the more I want it now (youngest is 20 months). The more sex we have the more intimate during other times we are with each other.

For instance we now have sex once a day (sometimes when I'm in a rush it's just oral or hand) but once a day often more. We now cuddle and kiss each other all the time infact we can't keep our hands off each other!

I guess that I did go through a faze of not fancying him for a while after ds and things like full on kissing and sex were out of the question but he gave me space and no pressure but let me know how much he still loved and fancied me just by cuddling and talking about silly things and laughing together.

The laughing together part was the most important to me so perhaps you should try to make her laugh more?

DL - I think you have your answer although you won't like it. From a womans point of view the only reason I would suddenly develop all these foibles is if I had gone off the man and wanted him to leave me alone but didn't have the balls to say it...... or if I had a trauma in my life that meant I didn't want any man touching me (GOD FORBID!)....... or if I were pregnant!

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DL - I don't think there are many people with kids who get it once a day so don't worry DL! Jenie's sex life sounds amazing, but it's rare! I don't have time to do it once a day! Think of all that showering.

I'm not getting any dadslib, does that make you feel better.
Twinkie don't cry !!!!!!!

DL I always love your posts. I think your fab!

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DL - It's taken me bloomin ages to read this post - I logged on at 4.15!!!
Reading through all the posts I am thinking along the lines that your DW is using sex as a weapon ... may sound a bit odd - but to me she has been slowly withdrawing from the relationship. Sex ( more importantly making love ) is very important in a relationship for many women and I feel that if she is not enjoying it or taking part then it's her way of controlling the relationship and perhaps getting out in a very subtle way. Bit by bit she is saying ... no longer.
Hurtful I know - but perhaps you have to eventually call it a day. It might be a relief for both of you and then you can both move on ... an the same ( or differing ) directions ..

My sister went through something similar
Her Dh stopped kissing her because of the usual marriage 7 year itch stuff and she missed it so much she went elsewhere, not for the rest of the package, simply the snogging.

DL have to say I wouldn't blame you if you did the same (after trying ALL other options of course).

Kissing is very very important to a woman and IMO if she isn't putting out (not getting at M2T Dh and I are in the same contented habitat now young kids take up time) then she may be PAFH.

Sorry but I agree with Coddy and Dinosaue

OK avoided this until now but have to say (in my non-normal name):

I was with the same guy from the age of 14 for 13 years and I ended up not wanting any physical contact at all which included hating kissing him. I found physical pleasure with a work colleague and only in work time. So it is a possibility.

My sister also went through the same thing and again found her comfort during work time.

So, sorry but we may totally off the mark but you do have to ask the question.

I too have had my cross words with you, but you really don't deserve this.

I went out with a guy who used too much tongue, and it nearly made me throw-up. Dumped him PDQ. Do you use too much too DL? Just a thought. Tongues are nice when used subtly and teasingly. Also...I wish my dh was like you in the liking 'downstairs'. You sound a very thoughtful man, and she doesn't deserve you. However, I don't know what you look like, so that could be a factor

Rofl Chinchilla

I've got to agree with everyone else - her rules must be stopping HER from having a good sex life too. I'd start trying to push the boundaries a bit if I were you.

But, from someone who's also a bit of a 'thin-lipper', here's what I like instead... butterfly kisses on the temples and whispers in the ears, lifting of hair and kisses on the back of the neck, running of tip of nose from top of arm to fingertip, kissing the underside of breasts, very tip of tougue (so not too sloppy) around lips. Course if none of this does anything for you, you might not gain anything, but always worth a shot.

If she doesn't like the sweat, what about keepig some clothes on?

Dadslib (Merry Christmas by the way ) - could the problem be that your DW does not want to get involved in a kissing session because she believes it will end up as a sex session?
I rememeber the times when I really couldn't be bothered and found that if I kissed DH he thought it was the green light.
Could you just agree to kiss and nothing else? I found that really helpful and found that my interest did return eventually. It took us a lot of frank discussion before Dh would understand that I wasn't rejecting him but just 'it' IYKWIM?
Now that my 4th child is 10 years old our relationship is almost like premarriage. Takes a while and a lot of understanding (and a few bottles of wine)
ps. boobs do return eventually too

Should probably add that it did not take 10 full years to get interest back - kept having babies inbetween which hindered progress

Just had a thought about your earlier posting about being spontaneous, surprise trips to Paris etc. Given that she feels you have all the control in the relationship, sudden romantic gestures like that are probably the wrong thing for her.

I'm not sure what would be right, something that gives her choice and puts her in control. Handcuffs (for you)? a silent day? a dark evening? (both of these are good by the way - silent you have to communicate entirely by gesture or touch, dark you have to turn ALL the lights and other lightsources off - forces you to listen to each other more), gift token for beauty treatment, ummm, someone else will think of something!

agree with mears. I am exactly the same i.e. avoided kissing because assumed it would lead to sex which I was too tired to be botherred with.

Maybe your just to keen, i'll probably get told off for this but how a bit of playing hard to get and a slight slight smidgen of her getting jealous. I always want it when i can't get it , its a challenge

I too agree with Mears, i used to think it would lead on to more after dd and i didn't want it too.
As others have said though, dp and i don't "snog" much but are close in other ways
I hope you can talk it out or find a solution you are both happy with as i have been reading this thread all day and felt i wanted to post but didn't know what!!!
BTW how old is your DS?

hows things Dl?

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he is posting on other threads, so he is here, perhaps we just didn't help the situation?

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Just out of curiosity, how does she react to you discussing yur intimate problems with a load on women on line?

I know how I would react!