Hi all, this is the first time I've posted on here but just needed some impartial opinions!!
Back in August me and my husband planned a weekend away in Leeds as a break before baby arrived, I was 7 months pregnant. While watching TV a few nights before we went I looked at his phone and the normally stupid messages between him and his best friend (I know stupid of me to do so, it's not that I don't trust him but I've often found him telling his best friend things e hasn't told me, nothing major but stuff I thought we would have talked about). Anyway his messages referred to my husbands stag do which was 3 years ago and joked if he would be going back to the strip club in leeds to get another lap dance, I was absolutely mortified. I trust my husband completely and we've always been very open with no secrets, I did joke to him no strip clubs before he went on his stag do but he assured me that wasn't his thing so I didn't think anything more of it. When I confronted my husband he started by saying he had forgotten all about it as he was drunk, but the more I probed the more he released information, his friend had 2, he had to have one as it was his stag do etc! I tried to laugh it off as I wanted us to enjoy our weekend away but when I came home I became obsessed with finding out about the club and looking at you tube videos of lap dances to see what happens, and became really upset by it all. We never had an proper argument about it as he kept laughing it off and telling me it was his stag do and that in being silly but I couldn't help but picture a girl girating all around him in her lingere and him getting off on it. I'd managed to push it to the back of my mind but since I had our son 6 weeks ago and I look at my stretch marks and wobbly belly all I can think of is that my husband will always have this image of the girl all over him on his stag do and now ill never compare to this :-( I've since looked at his messages to his friend and they keep sending half naked pictures of celebs to each other talking about how hot they are etc. I honestly had this halo over my husband, we've been together more than 11years and I thought I knew him inside out and never thought he was just like every other man oogling these images and going to strip clubs, it's broken my heart to find out about his lap dance :-(
I just don't know if I'm over reacting and being completely naive, is this to be expected on a stag do? I spoke to one of my friends who was just as shocked but she seemed to think it was his stag do so may have been pushed into it. I don't know what to do, I love him so much and I know we won't split up over this, but I'm so secretly hurting I don't know how to get over it?
Has anyone else been in a similar position or any ideas how I can get over this?
Thanks
H x
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Husband had a lap dance....?!?
Hitchy83 · 01/12/2012 01:55
" Wheresmypopcorn
Hi there, I have been to a few strip bars and the girls there are far from perfect - in fact was quite pleased to see a variety of bodies on display."
Oh well that's ok then. 
Have NCd for this. I was in exactly the same position as you OP. When I was pregnant with our first child, my DH went out with an old 'friend' of ours who had recently separated from his wife. It was their first night out without partners and they decided to go to the local lapdancing club. I found out, and was absolutely furious about it. DH claimed they had only gone their for late night drinks as the pubs were shut. It took a while for things to get back to normal but, at the time, I stupidly believed him.
Nearly 10 years on, we were watching a programme about lapdancing, and I asked him about that night. He said our friend had two lapdances but he 'couldn't remember' if he had one. When questioned about his amazing memory that could remember the details of his friends visit but not his own, he admitted to having a lapdance, claiming that she just danced around a bit.
I can't tell you how much damage this has caused to our relationship. Maybe I should have got over it and let it go, but all I can think about is that when I was carrying his child, he took the earliest opportunity he could to have a girl strip and gyrate in front of him. We nearly split up because of it - 10 years on. I am still so angry and resentful about it, despite us going to marriage counselling (counsellor was useless, all but saying 'boys will be boys').
I'm telling you all this for two reasons. First, so that you can see that your husband is probably lying about what happened at the club. He won't tell you because he knows you will be, quite rightly, furious about his less than husbandly behaviour. Second, if you don't get to the bottom of it, and really spell out your feelings about it, it will fester and come back to haunt you.
Thanks kaluki, must admit things feel like they're spiralling out of control 
The only thing that's 'spirallaling' on this thread is you turning like a corkscrew, Hitchy.
What's apparent is that your h and his best mate have been perving fixated for some considerable time on their experiences with lap dancers who, as you now realise, were stark bollock naked not dressed in Victorian bathing costumes when they performed private one-to-one dances in private booths for your h and his pals.
It occurs to me that those lap dancers must have been hot stuff to get 2 blokes obsessing over and extolling their gyrations virtues after 3 years and this leads me to suspect your h's stag night was not the first or the last time he and his best friend have paid to be in close proximity to women's genitalia.
As you've observed, your problem is not that I don't trust him but I've often found him telling his best friend things he hasn't told me, nothing major but stuff I thought we would have talked about.
Some way back in your thread you were incllined to view this matter as a 'hormonal hiccup'. I suggest you get your h the necessaary hormone treatment to progress his development beyond adolescence otherwise you're likely to find he'll be able to navigate his way around the UK using lap dancing establishments as landmarks.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.