Husband had a lap dance....?!?

[Hitchy83]

Hi all, this is the first time I've posted on here but just needed some impartial opinions!!
Back in August me and my husband planned a weekend away in Leeds as a break before baby arrived, I was 7 months pregnant. While watching TV a few nights before we went I looked at his phone and the normally stupid messages between him and his best friend (I know stupid of me to do so, it's not that I don't trust him but I've often found him telling his best friend things e hasn't told me, nothing major but stuff I thought we would have talked about). Anyway his messages referred to my husbands stag do which was 3 years ago and joked if he would be going back to the strip club in leeds to get another lap dance, I was absolutely mortified. I trust my husband completely and we've always been very open with no secrets, I did joke to him no strip clubs before he went on his stag do but he assured me that wasn't his thing so I didn't think anything more of it. When I confronted my husband he started by saying he had forgotten all about it as he was drunk, but the more I probed the more he released information, his friend had 2, he had to have one as it was his stag do etc! I tried to laugh it off as I wanted us to enjoy our weekend away but when I came home I became obsessed with finding out about the club and looking at you tube videos of lap dances to see what happens, and became really upset by it all. We never had an proper argument about it as he kept laughing it off and telling me it was his stag do and that in being silly but I couldn't help but picture a girl girating all around him in her lingere and him getting off on it. I'd managed to push it to the back of my mind but since I had our son 6 weeks ago and I look at my stretch marks and wobbly belly all I can think of is that my husband will always have this image of the girl all over him on his stag do and now ill never compare to this :-( I've since looked at his messages to his friend and they keep sending half naked pictures of celebs to each other talking about how hot they are etc. I honestly had this halo over my husband, we've been together more than 11years and I thought I knew him inside out and never thought he was just like every other man oogling these images and going to strip clubs, it's broken my heart to find out about his lap dance :-(
I just don't know if I'm over reacting and being completely naive, is this to be expected on a stag do? I spoke to one of my friends who was just as shocked but she seemed to think it was his stag do so may have been pushed into it. I don't know what to do, I love him so much and I know we won't split up over this, but I'm so secretly hurting I don't know how to get over it?
Has anyone else been in a similar position or any ideas how I can get over this?
Thanks
H x

[Fridaywine]

Does anyone know a good divorce lawyer in the Cardiff area. I'm seriously considering divorcing my husband who is an habitual liar, has ruined our finances as we as any trust I had in him by lying about soooo many things and stealing £1000s from me over the years by using by bank card and cheque book without permission. I've done all the confrontation, ultimatums, etc. been through all the broken promises and basically I've done everything I could to avoid it coming to this. Any advice on offer will be enormously appreciated! Thanks

[Kaluki]

"Kaluki's various posturings here and elsewhere have negated any credibility they may lay claim to. "
Once again you won't give examples Izzy. If you are trying to discredit me on here then you need to back it up.

[izzyizin]

Rain is allegedly on it's way, check...

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

< looks blearily around thread >

Rain check ?

[izzyizin]

oops, I accidentally used one up... so easy to do...

[izzyizin]

A seasonal variety of 'I spy'? It'll take a lot less time to spot their new incarnation than it takes them to write out another rant

sings 'there were 410 spaces hanging on a thread
410 spaces hanging on a thread,
and if one of those spaces should accidentally be used up,
there'd be 409 spaces' etc...

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

"Spot the new incarnation" could be a newfangled party game.

[izzyizin]

Not with the added attraction of Friday night practices, AF.

'Tis the time of year to reminisce and we could invite a few regulars from AIBU to block the tedious trio while away the spaces hours.

We can relate tales about ging gang ghoulies as we roast hoary old chestnuts on an open fire while quaffing eggnog and mulled wine

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

it's a big space to fill with witterings about mince pies and sideways shagging

[izzyizin]

Only till bumsex night --Friday- tomorrow, Fairenuff

To recap: Getall/Stillhere is under a temporary compulsory vow of silence , Dad has revealed that he and his oh have questionable habits mates and Kaluki's various posturings here and elsewhere have negated any credibility they may lay claim to.

May I suggest that if they return we stick our fingers in our ears and sing la la la use the remainder of the space on this thread to continue a lively debate on the merits of christmas puds, mince pies, Baileys, stuffed turkeys v three bird roast, partridges in pear trees and other seasonal fayre?

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

heh

I expect we can just conclude he was talking out of it, and leave it at thaaaaaat

[Fairenuff]

Ah well, the 'ins and outs' of GetAll's arsehole will just have to remain a mystery then.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

GetAll can't answer...he's been banned for the umpteenth time.

[Fairenuff]

Btw, you haven't answered my question about whether you would happily bend over and show your arsehole to another man to fund your own education?

[Fairenuff]

^Because what you're essentially saying is every dancer lacks those values. Which on the one hand is a moral issue ( i.e. your
values trump another?s ) and on the other it ignores the fact that, for instance, a small number of dancers are highly
intelligent phd students^

No. I'm talking about low self esteem, not values.

No. I have not ignored the facts that some dancers may be phd students. No matter what a person's profession, they can still have low self esteem. Their 'day job' is irrelevant really.

I wouldn't be comfortable telling every dancer they must lack certain moral values

But you are quite comfortable exploiting them, I see.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

Hey everybody, we should take advice on posting style from a poster who has to keep making up a new email and nickname every time he wants to add something

Yeah right

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

^"And running. you're clearly jumping up and down about your prostitute question so I'll tell you why I'm not going to answer it
here."^

Hi there, banned user, We know why you're not going to answer it. It's because you can't.

And you can drop the 'oh woe is me' post, MN don't ban people just for disagreeing with AF - you've done something pretty bad to be banned.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

Daddancer - My OH confirms to me that what goes on at male stripper shows is far naughtier than lap dancing clubs (and she has experienced both) The bride to be at one hen do even gave one of the strippers a hand job i kid you not.

So the male stripper got a handjob? Isn't it funny that even if the stripper is male performing for a woman, it's still all about the male orgasm?!

You seem to be labouring under the misapprehension that we don't know what a private dance in a lap dancing club involves, Daddancer.

[DadDancer]

Sue

Oh here we go again. We always get a womancommenting about how 'it's all just a bit of fun', because they think that the good laugh they had with their mates about a male 'stripper' is not only ok, but the same level of 'harmless fun' happens at stag do's. If women knew what really went on at a lot of stag do's/strip clubs/lapdancing clubs they wouldn't think it was all fun then.

My OH confirms to me that what goes on at male stripper shows is far naughtier than lap dancing clubs (and she has experienced both) The bride to be at one hen do even gave one of the strippers a hand job i kid you not.

[DadDancer]

running

Daddancer - you only ever make 2 points on these threads - that you should be allowed to pay women for sexual services. Because, er... you want to. And why shouldn't you? You're a man after all!

my points on this thread were originally with regards the OP's situation and to do with the posters on here telling her to leave her other half. And striptease a sexual service? That's a bit far fetched. I think peoples imaginations are running wild with what goes on in these clubs.

Oh, and "sexual objectification doesn't exist - no it doesn't! It doesn't - Daddancer closes eyes- I can't see it - lalalala."

would have thought it was obvious to most people that objectification is a flawed and very subjective argument. I appreciate a lot the antis arguments rest on it and therefore can see why me ripping it to pieces annoys you. You may find this video interesting with regards to this :

www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=d-N9daqANcw

Doesn't stop you coming onto these threads and just making the same flawed arguments over and over though- does it?

what like the same flawed arguments of quoting fake stats like Lilith, using the emotive daughter argument, banging on about objectification, pretending to be genuinely concerned about the dancers, who you are really just using as pawns for the sake of winning your argument. I don't believe one bit that any of the antis on here actually care for any of the dancers. It's all a big charade, especially as your solution would be to have the clubs closed down and make them all redundant.

[SueFawley]

Oh here we go again. We always get a womancommenting about how 'it's all just a bit of fun', because they think that the good laugh they had with their mates about a male 'stripper' is not only ok, but the same level of 'harmless fun' happens at stag do's. If women knew what really went on at a lot of stag do's/strip clubs/lapdancing clubs they wouldn't think it was all fun then.

[Kaluki]

GetAll, Dd, Kaluki......you all frequent lap dancing clubs
Errr where did I say I frequent them Mooncup? I don't disapprove of them, that doesn't mean I go to them!!
My only objection on this thread was to posters advising the OP to leave her DP for going to one ONCE!!!
Izzy - what other thread?? Still chasing posters from thread to thread trying to trip them up??
And yes I did say this thread was ridiculous on Sunday ... It's even more ridiculous now but it keeps showing up on threads I'm on so stupidly I opened it up to see you all on your high horses still.
And finally to whoever said I'm jealous of AFs adoring cronies - well I have people in RL to adore me- I don't have to get that from a bunch of faceless Internet users.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

I wish we could have a saddo smiley - just for GetAll and Daddancer.

will have to do.

[Cosmostocupcakes]

I really wouldn't be upset - I would half expect it (he didn't have that sort of stag do. I, on the other hand was entertained by a lovely man in army uniform! To the amusement of everyone else!