Twirling body builders, dominant alpha males and been hurt in the past-Dating thread part 29

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

Took the liberty of starting a new thread.

Off you go ladies and gents...

[FateLovesTheFearless]

Western sorry you are having such a hard time of things. Have you asked your mum how she would feel if you refused to let her watch the kids? Firm but calm and see what she has to say.

With lovely man, try busy yourself for a few days. Did he have an anaesthetic? That can take a few days to get over and I know a fair few people, me included, that act a bit weird afterwards. Give him lots of space, I am sure you will hear from him soon.

Morning everyone else. Been laid low the past four days or so, the sickness bug has been visiting with avengence. I started with it on Wednesday night. NL was a sweetheart and tried to look after me but I am a stubborn cow and refuse to let illness get to me so sent him off to see his mate. He came back afterward though and spent the night then the poor bloke got sick last night so it was my turn to play nurse kids are sick now too so a quiet vomit filled weekend for me

[OhWesternWind]

Thanks Fate it really does mean a lot to have support on here. I tried to talk to my mum yesterday, well I didn't really say anything just let her talk and she was very unapologetic and ended up saying its fine if she doesn't have the children again and storming out.

Hope all your patients are feeling a bit better today! Onward and upward as they say.

[ike1]

Help me put here dating gurus-I have been chatting this week to a guy on POF he is unusually attractive for there etc. I am Cardiff based he is Bristol based - about 30 mins on train or just under an hr by car....so a bit far for just a quick coffee first meet..or is it???

[Scattylatte]

OWW. I hope you get some resolve over these things too. It's just horrible waiting for a text, especially when you are there to help and provide comfort. It's a bit like rejection. Just hold tight. Not sure what to say about your mum. Just look after and focus on yourself today.

[ike1]

soz on put -out

[Scattylatte]

If you can arrange and get cheap train faires I'd say go for it.

[ike1]

Do you reckon Scattty- would you arrange for just a coffee?

[bantamrooster]

ike - depends what you're looking for in dating. half an hour's train ride, plus time to and from the station etc means maybe an hour from your place to his, so it means the casual drop in for coffee/Coffee if things go well is tougher. If he's very nice though, it's not that far.

[ike1]

Yeah it is a quandry and I have been known to do the old toilet escape route in the past much to my shame....I think I suggest low key ....with the option of bolting....you guys would consider this sort distance reasonable then?

[ike1]

just checked ...train tickets £16 -its probs worth it as a one off experiment...

[snapespeare]

oww I'll be your no-text buddy...first one to crack has to pay a forfeit. So sorry all the other things are piling up, they have a habit of doing this. Just take little steps, you'll get there.

[OhWesternWind]

Ike - I think it's okay for a one-off but would be difficult if you click and want to see each other regularly. I suppose it depends what you're looking for ...

Thanks Scatty - yes, I think I do feel a bit rejected but I don't really think I'm being fair. If I'm honest I need to get things in proportion and remember what I'm like myself when I'm ill (bad tempered and want to be left alone apart from someone bringing supplies). It's only been a day I've not heard from him. I think I thought he was less ill than he is due to copious amounts of drug-induced texting early on! (But it still only takes thirty seconds to text ...)

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

OWW I hope you hear from him soon but do not text him again. As others say it could just be the aesthetic. Keep busy & no drunk texting him after wine later. We will all be watching.

ike I would definitely go on the date. It's not that far really if he turns out to be somebody you like. Or even better, make him come to you.

Fate Hope you are all better soon. Sounds very unpleasant.

Can I have some advice from you lovely people please? I could really use it. I've invited my man boy over tomorrow night to have a peep show marathon. Can't afford to go out as we are both broke after spending far too much on alcohol on Thursday night. Trouble is I'm already starting to feel depressed about my inevitable binning off by him in a few weeks. Part of me really feels I shouldn't have slept with him on Thursday (although it was great fun) Yet at the same time I know it's ridiculous for a man (boy) so young to be interested in you for anything other than sex. I really don't know what to do. Should I just go with it and enjoy it while it lasts? I just know when he looses interest I'm going to end up feeling used. Even though I've created the impression of being a fun filled woman who just want's a casual good time and have basically set myself up for a fall. It's not really what I want deep down. Trouble is I don't feel like I will ever find what I really want.

Clearly I can't say ANY of this to man boy as he will run a mile. I'm not even sure what I'm saying really. I just feel very, very sad today.

[Scattylatte]

Well I'm in the no texting brigade as well. For some reason beyond my sanity I keep feeling I want contact with my ex. He is spiteful so god only knows why. And if I do send him a text he'll only ignore it.

OWW. A few things going wrong at the same time can make it worse.

Ike. If might be cheaper to drive, although probably not. I would go but only because curiosity would lead me there but if it was expensive or a hassle I wouldn't bother. Probably.

OD is like a series of auditions or mini interviews. Crazy.

[Scattylatte]

Milk- I find it almost impossible to separate emotion from sex. The only way I could do it would be to have sex with someone I actively disliked. It's very hard but I guess somehow you need to get the control back into your domain. Apart from fun sex, what other things is he bringing into your life? Has he said its short term? You could even get fed up with him before the inevitable happens!

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

Scatty Yes I think the only way to do it is to have sex with people you don't actually like. That is a far from appealing thought though.

Well to be fair we've been out to see a band, to the pictures & he is very good company. It's not just none stop shagging. He's totally mad (in a very sweet, good way) and makes me laugh so much.

No he hasn't said that it's short term & clearly I would rather saw my own arm off than ever ask. I just obviously assume that at 21 it couldn't possibly be anything else. To be fair he has shown very good manners so far. He made a point of checking on Friday morning as to whether it was just a one off. He said he didn't want to read it all wrong, ask to see me again and then put me in a position of having to text him saying no.

So I probably am just over thinking it. I'm just so used to things going wrong for me with men lately. Plus he seems almost too much like exactly what I need at the minute. Maybe he isn't real and I've dreamt him up. This could be the start of my breakdown and I haven't realised.

[Yogagirl17]

Well done to all of you who are not texting people you're not supposed to be texting! Chocolates all round.

ike it's not that far to go if you really like him. But toilet escapes...? Really unless you feel threatened or unsafe that's not very nice. (Sorry but I'd be pretty damn pissed off if a guy literally disappeared on me mid-date or mid-coffee or whatever it was)

Scatty hope you're feeling a bit better and less PMSy today To be honest, it sounded like your friend was just trying to be helpful.

Milk Has man boy said he's only interested in sex/something casual? What's the age dif again?

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

Yoga He's nearly 22, there's 12 years between us. So I don't anticipate our wedding any time soon. Which is fine, I'm not looking for anything really intense. I'm still not over my ex in all honesty. I'm just not keen on getting shagged for a few weeks and then dropped like a hot potato. I would at least prefer something fun but more ongoing than that. Having to find new boy toys all the time is exhausting.

Or perhaps.I.should.just.calm.the.f**k.down.

[OhWesternWind]

Scatty and Snape united we stand, divided we text ...

Milk I totally understand where you're coming from. It's easy to let your imagination loose and think about things all coming to a sticky end, but it's all sounding find at the moment. What's the actual age difference? Tbh it's not just the age, it's the person and maybe he does want more than just sex. I can't separate emotion and sex either any more and I wouldn't really want to. There's nothing wrong with that either!

[bantamrooster]

ike I agree with yoga, save toilet escapes for if you're worried about safety, huge red flags or something. Just dumping someone mid-date because you don't fancy them is really rude and imagine how you'd feel if someone showed up, looked at you and turned round and left.

[snapespeare]

milk. Do I have to get my [wetfish] ?

If you're having a lovely time with someone it's perfectly natural to want to know if it is going anywhere, and indeed where it might be going. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever why a 21 year old wouldn't be interested in you, we can't tar everyone with the same brush or base every interaction with someone different on what may have happened in the past what society thinks is the norm....and without the benefits of clairvoyance you have no way of knowing when or if he will lose interest - and in a way, overthinking it now leads to a change in your attitude which he migh be able to pick up on (unless he is spectacularly dense ) which could in turn result in any fledging relationship floundering- a self fulfilling prophecy.

So chill and enjoy peep show. :)

[Yogagirl17]

Milk if you're not after something super serious either then I'd just try and enjoy it. He may actually want the same as you - something lovely and fun without there having to be wedding bells at the end of it (which is probably what the girls his own age are after).

[mercury7]

Milk I dont have any answers but I find it helps to accept that getting sexually entangled is likely to involve a certain amount of angst, the better the sex the more intense the painful longing.

In the words of the Eurythmics song:

love, love, love is a dangerous drug
You have to receive it and you still can't get enough of the stuff

It's savage and it's cruel and it shines like destruction
Comes in like the flood and it seems like religion
It's noble and it's brutal, it distorts and deranges
And it drenches you up and you're left like a zombie

And I want you, and I want you, and I want you so it's an obsession

It's guilt edged, glamorous and sleek by design
You know it's jealous by nature, false and unkind
It's hard and restrained and it's totally cool
It touches and it teases as you stumble in the debris

[Scattylatte]

Yoga. I'm feeling much better thank you. You are right about my friend. He is just helpful, he has no real experience having never had a girlfriend , or PMS. I didn't reply to him, preferring to wait until my karma is back.

Whats everyone doing and eating today? I'm painting the walls, meeting body builder and off to pizza express tonight with a friend.

[Yogagirl17]

I really wish we had a [wetfish] icon! Maybe I'll put in a cosmic order for one...