Twirling body builders, dominant alpha males and been hurt in the past-Dating thread part 29

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

Took the liberty of starting a new thread.

Off you go ladies and gents...

Want to talk Western?

Half Italion Stallion emailed me last night at 2:30am saying he had fallen asleep last night and that's why he hadn't responded to my text and telephone message. And because he had slept all evening he was up in the small hours. He has suggested another way to meet up - so it still looks like he still wants to - and at 10:30 this morning on another email he has suggested something else.
He said on his profile that he was disorganised - tell me about it! He was like this on our first date too - about four different options and eventually settling for one.

Ah well. Maybe this is just an indiaction of what life with him might be like. It's when it goes from being an endearing trait to just being annoying.

Sorry to hear that Western - what's up?

Poppy he is seriously flaky! I couldn't be arsed with it. It's a "take me as you find me" mentality that ultimately points to quite a selfish nature when you realise they are never going to change.

Kirsty, not yet! arghhhh....

OWW :( unmnetty hug for you x

Ex is twatting about re the house sale - it's all in place, money has cleared from purchasers, every last little thing - and the twat hasn't/won't sign the contract. Won't answer phone to solicitor or estate agent, no idea what to do. They are all on his case but he is just ignoring them and it is just so incredibly stressful. Was supposed to complete on Monday so this has been going on for ages but today is the first day I've got a straight tale about why it's all held up.

The whole house sale thing has been really difficult, brought up a lot of bad memories, and this just puts the tin hat on it.

On top of that, Lovely??? Man's operation went well, so he got discharged yesterday as they did it keyhole. Texted a bit yesterday morning, but I sent one yesterday afternoon in reply to his last text, no response, and then in the evening my mum said she'd have the children for a sleepover not this weekend coming but the next one - she offered out of the blue - so I texted to see if that fitted in with his plans to have his dc. I know he read it as it shows on my phone, but again no answer. Nothing today either. His last text was that he was feeling in pain and "grumpy" so I guess that is code for "Leave me alone in my man-cave until I come out again" but it's made me feel really low and question where I stand with him. If it were me, I'd have sent a quick text saying "Not well, catch you soon" or whatever, not just ignored. I know rationally he's not well and needs to rest and recuperate but it's not making me feel good, feeling very insecure and low generally with all the stuff with ex. I'm feeling quite lonely too as all my friends are in different parts of the UK - that's what comes of having to uproot and move to get away from the ex - so although we text and meet up when we can, I don't have a local friend I can just pop round to and have a chat/moan/glass of wine with, and I really miss that.

Other stuff going on as well (money, children, Christmas, mother, work etc) but that's more copable with and less dating-thread fodder . . .

Well, that is quite enough ranting for a Friday lunchtime!

OWW - fucking hell, your ex is a right royal twat and a half! for you.
As for your man, I am keeping my fingers crossed that he is the type who doesn't like admitting to being weak and would rather be all stoic. Still shit though, and you are so lovely that you wouldn't mind being supportive I'm sure.

Sending you calming vibes and a swift kick in the nuts to your ex.
And fucking man-up it was a wee bit of keyhole, to LM

Aw Western. Ex - nothing you can do about it, he already has estate agents, solicitors and purchases on his arse. It will have thrown you though, as it's emotional enough without being in limbo on it. This is why he is your ex.

Man, he has had full anaestetic and will be sore and the a bit out of it. He will also be erratically sleepy. Keyhole is still a big deal. If that were me, I would have no appetite for making arrangements, it would be difficult to think straight. Remember his body has just had a major shock, and he is waiting for test results which are also a big deal. Basically, let him be for a bit and try not to mix him in with the strife from your ex.

Of course you would like some support, will we do?

Thanks Mme - no, I'd have been round there with my lucozade and grapes! Tbh, I am not bothered if he wants to lie low for a few days, it's just having the courtesy to come out and say that rather than ignoring and acting like a tit. An ill tit is still a tit . Not sure what to do about this . . . Don't want to dump him because of it, as other stuff is really good, but don't want this to become a pattern of behaviour he thinks is okay.

As for ex, it's the last bit of control he's got, so he's making the most out of it. It's so blindingly obvious what he's up to, but no less frustrating for that and I honestly wouldn't put it past him to cock up the whole sale, even though it will hurt him financially too, just to "get" me one last time.

Bloody, bloody men. (Sorry Bant, Nicholas et al).

and I know that's not how you spell anastetic but I was so far off I couldn't even check it properly.

Juliette - thanks, that's actually really reassuring. I've no idea how people feel after keyhole, never had anything like that myself. Not that I want him to be feeling crap, but you know what I mean. (He did send some really funny texts from the hospital when a little "high" so I suppose this is just the other side of the coin). Will leave him be.

Thank you, yes, you will "do" most admirably!

Sorry for butting in. I love this thread. I always read the posts but very rarely post.

Oww - could you go to hosp to see him or is that too much? Must be horrible for you not knowing what's going on.

It's a horrible time of year for those of us not attached or having first Christmas on our own. I'm hating it. I've got all the same worries as you too. Feels rubbish but you know that one day it won't all feel so bad.

As for your exh it is so difficult but you are no longer responsible for him. The solicitor, agents etc know this and I'm sure they feel your pain. He sounds like an idiot! You are well rid of him but you know that!!

Poppy - he sounds like hard work. It's not meant to be hard work so early on. Might be best to get out now before you've invested too much of yourself.

Juliette is much nicer than me

Mme

Nomore - lovely to see you on here again, I remember when you changed your name. I think I will wait for him to get in touch now, ball's in his court. He knows I'm concerned about him so that's as far as it can go at the moment. I'm torn between being worried about him and pissed off with him, but fair play he has had a big op and they have sent him home with a good supply of drugs so he is probably not all there at the moment. The ex is just a total nightmare. One signature - just one! - and I'll be free of him forever, no ties as he's not allowed contact with the children, which is why I think he's being so difficult. Hope it will be any day now but I am getting very nervous.

Milk you can actually get mugs with 'Submariners do it deeper', it was never going to end well

Western it was yesterday, hold fire woman!

Juliette I think I might need to be a bit more patient with him. (Not that he knows im thinking any of this, it's all going on in my head, on here and texting to a friend). I think at the moment with all the ex stuff I am on high alert for signs of twattishness - maybe on too high alert given the circumstances? - and also feeling anxious and insecure for the same reason. Not a good combination.

Hi all, sorry not quite keeping up with everyone today. I hate Fridays at the moment - another week gone and nothing's changed. Still no job, OD is a bit shit. So I'm in a bit of a blah mood.

Kirsty Submariner totally crossed a line. It seems you can't win sometimes with OD. If you think you like someone you want to flirt a bit but that's not necessarily an invitation to share all their sexual fantasies before you've even met! It should be much more fun to discover these things together as you go (unless of course you're just after a shag in which case you want to "line up" the right person beforehand - sounds like that's what he was after). Glad things are going well with the auditor though.

Western House & ex stuff is shit. Just hang in there, it will be over soon. As for your man, I know you don't want him to shut you out but give him a little space. Right now it's really not about you - he's going through something big, physically, mentally and emotionally. If he's still keeping you out in a couple of days then get on to him. In the mean time we're here.

Poppy - disorganised, changing plans around, not replying then texting at 2:30am....personally I would run a mile. Folks have said before on this thread, people tell you who they are, you just have to listen. His behaviour is annoying and stressing you out now...and it's not going to get any better.

MadameO You are not responsible for your ex's well being. Suggest he get some help. it's lovely that things are going well for you. x

OWW I hope he's ok. I think he's probably feeling really knocked for six and possibly emotional and/or sleeping 22 hours a day- I'd give him some time. Anaesthetic does very weird things to people sometimes.

Thanks Yoga. Sorry you're feeling a bit bleugh. Things will change soon, we all so deserve better luck. So many lovely people on this thread going through a load of crap.

And sorry for just jumping in with a load of crappy rambling!

Mme - your ex is just doing what mine is, trying to hold on to that last little bit of control. It's not easy to deal with as even when you know it's all posturing, there's a little bit of you that thinks "But what if he does . . ." (Yep, favourite tactic of ex although he did actually go as far as hanging himself one time whilst making sure it wouldn't work - bit of a risky way of getting attention/sympathy/your own way though). Like Yoga says, just tell him to phone the doctor and if you're really worried then call his family (if he has one) and pass the problem on to them.

Poppy - well, I don't know what to think. I know he keeps chopping and changing but he's still coming through. On the other hand, I think this level of disorganisation might get pretty wearing before very long - I don't have a lot of tolerance for people not doing what they say they will do, not communicating when they say they will communicate etc, but I know other people aren't so bothered uptight

Kirsty - ewwww, not nice at all. Stick with the Auditor!

Juliette - what are you going to do about the doctor? That was a LOT of drink he got down him last night - what was going on there? (I seem to recall reading some research about the prevalance of alcoholism/drug taking amongst the medical profession, but could be totally wrong on that one).

Hi everyone, wow this thread went wry wry fast close to the end and it's my first message!

I just wanted to ask something! I wa speaking to someone from Pof! I have him my phone number and was texting but havnt spoke for a few weeks. He has just requested me as a friend on Facebook.

How is this possible? I didn't give him my email address or surname! That's very odd!

Lubey - I once thought I was in Amsterdam after an anaesthetic and tried to engage everyone in conversation in Dutch, a language I don't actually speak . . . Hope he's not quite at that level now, but glad you have told me how some people can be affected - I wasn't, I am quite hardy and drug-resistant so tend to spring back into life quite easily after stuff like that and I need to remember that just because I'm like that, not everyone else is. (You see, that's what I was assuming . . .).

Moving - if you access FB on your phone, it links to your phone number so he could find you that way.

I'm not sure about the Doctor. I would definitely like to meet him again but I think more for his company as he was quite good fun once he stopped boasting and trying to be impressive. Talked about himself a lot, kept boasting about his DC being a Ph.D, the other's impressive job his own impressive job blah. Also he didn't listen a lot of the time, he was too busy thinking about what he was saying I think. I gave him some strong hints but he didn't actually pick up that I also had a Ph.D (he assumed my post grad was an 'just' an MA) until near the end, also that until recently I also had a 'big' job which then also kept on assuming must be smaller. Not that it defines me but as he was so, so interested in discussing this stuff . Also, who tells his date that he is going shopping in Harrods for clothes before meeting up and then turns up for a date with a Harrods bag. I was not impressed with that either. Yes, I am picky but it shows my radar is working. Not a full twat, but certainly self absorbed and rather silly. That ties in with the so called mid life crisis too.

Now that I've written all that down, it's obviously not a match is it

Western keep your radar on alert, just stand it down to Defcon blue for another day or two. After that, back up to Green. He won't even be able to shower properly yet if that helps to put it into perspective.

moving you can definitely find people on fb if you have their number on your phone!! I went into the find friends page on my fb a few months ago and found fb pages coming up of suggested friends, several who I knew from OD and only had a first name and mobile no for!!!

Juliette - definitely don't want to see him then if that's the case

The doctor, hmmm, well, he does sound just a little self-absorbed and up his own doo-dah. And a raging snob, possibly a little patronising/sexist - not sure I'd be bothering again, unless he's got something we don't know about going for him.