Twirling body builders, dominant alpha males and been hurt in the past-Dating thread part 29

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

Took the liberty of starting a new thread.

Off you go ladies and gents...

I think I must be very lucky unlucky ...all the men I have met wanted a 2nd date.

The 'Dear John' is not a pleasant experience.

48 you have almost exactly the opposite experience to me, I have had lots of first dates but only one second date in nearly 4 years of OD.

Bantam I think it's reassuring to know the radar is working. When's the next date/who with?

Hoping the fact theres no update yet from Juliette is a good sign :)

Sorry all. I managed to hide the thread and only recovered it thanks to hatesponge.

I need some advice. Half Italian stallion is still on the scene. Having blown me out on Sunday and doing the ironing instead, he's mailed every day and sent lovely texts. He's been arranging for his boys to spend this weekend with their mum so that we can have tomorrow evening(and night!) together. He texted me round 6:30 tonight to say that the bad weather may mean he doesn't take them after all. But there's no suggestion as to what we will do. I've texted him, called and left him a message and now I have mailed him. Nothing from him at all.

Everything could be fine but I am worried. He seemed really keen on the idea. I am too. I would really like to see him. He's not just buggering me about is he?

Right, I have initiated and I'm currently engaging in conversation. I realise this is a small step in comparison to the dates and developments of everyone else here but given that I have had totally given up, on the idea of dating, it's a little step in the right direction!

Poppy I think he's only trying to give you some advance warning in case his plans go awry. I can't see anything in that that says he's fibbing or anything. Unless the kids mum lives next door and travel wouldn't be an issue in gales and torrential rain.

Do you have kids? If not, it does honestly cause hiccups sometimes

Good luck pinkpeanuts!

Poppy sorry, but he sounds to me a bit like he's blowing hot and cold...presumably if he doesn't take his sons that means tomorrow eve is off?

I don't know if the weather is bad enough in your part of the country for that to be a valid excuse, but I'd be a bit wary, it feels a little like this is all on his terms - last week at the last minute he was too busy to see you on Sunday, then he resumes contact when it suits him, all keen again, and now again fairly late in the day he's possibly saying he can't see you tomorrow.

It's perfectly acceptable he has other stuff to do, commitments with children, family, etc it's just the arranging stuff and then cancelling, or hinting he might cancel, which I'm a bit uncomfortable with, he seems very sure of himself and he really shouldn't be this early on. Don't keep trying to contact him, take a step back and wait and see. I know that's hard to do.

poppy there's not much else you can do, i'd leave him to respond to your text/email. he knows you were up for it, so if he really was up for it too, he will get in touch to confirm either way. it's no fun waiting for a response though

PinkP i think everyone starts somewhere! soon you'll be posting from a loo

No loo break, loos in basement!. Well it was ok with older doctor. He was full of himself until he got a few drinks down him and then became much more human and good company. I was quite guarded as he still sounded like an a twat until about his 3rd glass, by the time he had his 5th he had mellowed. I had just one one so it wasn't my impaired judgement. I don't think it was there for him as I think he is used to adoration. He also had a 'mlc' and left his first wife for a younger model. You would all be proud of me, I didn't then go all AF on his arse, just looked sympathetic.

Poppy I don't think you should contact him more now. I know it is difficult to do but unless you hear from him tomorrow morning at the very latest I think it would be a really good idea when he gets in touch if you tell him your are busy tomorrow.

juliette he had 5 drinks?! maybe you made him nervous! would you see him again if he asked?

poppy I agree I would step back. I quite like a bit of space during contact.

sponge I am only dating, does what anyone is looking for make a difference?

Thanks guys. I am holding back. Not more calls or mails. I've stepped away from the phone. What about the not returning my calls bit? Is this just my paranoia? There could be loads of reasons why I suppose. Just my brain kicks into all the bad and miserable things.

He really did seem keen, this arrangement to take the kids to Hereford - which I think could be affected by floods- was so that he could have some time after letting me down last weekend.

Questions he did say something like 'well I don't seem to make you nervous'. I'm not sure if I would see him again. Could I see myself shagging him? no. But I'm a slow burner and have rarely ever thought wow when first meeting someone so I'll think about it. otoh I should just know, should't I. I knew absolutely by second date with my last bf and knew with last man I was seeing.

poppy Thinking about what he may or may not do/think is a waste of brain space

The person you need to put first is you.

Top tip for dating. If you are going to take laxatives the night before a date as you haven't seen any toilet action for three days and it shows, don't then in desperation shove a glycerol suppository up there the morning after. A suppository is the gift that keeps on giving, and when it's finished giving it then gives some more. This is not a good look .

juliette. After that little tip I'm now really really pleased you didn't message from the loo :)

yes, I was already taking far too long in there.

We'll I had a lovely night with TheAuditor .. Went for dinner and drinks and snogged in a bar and he looked really fit in his civvies

On my way home TheSubmariner texted me.. I am going to post the conversation for your opinion.. He had been talking about uniform and said he was wearing a shirt and tie just now so I asked 'to bed?' So ...he started talking about how he slept naked and he texted me

SM: Yes but I have a few things I like, not wierd stuff but I hope we are compatible ;) x
KW:
So what do you like that you want me to know about before we've met??? x

SM: Well, I am a huge fan of giving oral, of course I love to receive but giving is my thing. I am a voyeur, I love to watch my partner with fingers and toys, I love using sex toys on my partner and involving them in our lovemaking. Nothing too kinky, hope this doesn't put you off x

KW:Well .. It would be nice to meet you first and then see if we get on and then see if I like kissing you .. Or is that a bit old fashioned of me?Hmm .. I mean I know online dating cuts to the chase a bit but steady on!

I am not prudish in any way or form but I am a bit taken aback really .. We've not met and you are talking about sex toys?? ?
To me the sort of thing you are talking about is good in an established relationship ... If you need all that from the start when things should all be new and exciting without the accessories then it is not going to work out
Hmmm .. I'm not sure what I think now

SM: I hope I haven't offended you, I don't expect things like that day 1, but sex is important to me, if it worries you then I am sorry, I am normal but may have just got ahead of myself a little, but now I am wondering are we going to be compatible, guess we both have some thinking to do ;) x

I am now totally put off of him ... Thoughts???

Kirsty ugh ugh ugh. You are right to be put off him. Too much too soon.

Poppy he is blowing hot and cold. How frustrating and annoying. Hopefully he is just waiting till he knows what's happening before he replies.
Juliette Oh noooo! Poor you. Dried prunes next time maybe?
Have been utterly crap on this thread I know. Just posting when the red flags pop up now, so feel free to ignore.
Been all go here, things all good with lovely DP, meeting his friends tonight. Not seen him for five days so quite erm, looking forward to it
Cant put this on FB tho i would like to but DD's father did not take the news that I am in a new relationship well. Called me all sorts of names and then sent a veiled suicide threat yesterday. Twat.
Hello to all and newbies too.

Kirsty, I am far from a prude but if some guy was texting me that before we had even met he would be long gone. Not only are both texts out of order so soon, he is basically saying there is no room for compromise either. Creep.

MadameO, leave your ex to get on with it. Harsh considering the nature of his threats but its just an attempt to have some sort of control over you and what you do. I learned the hard way with the ex and now refuse to bite no matter what he tries. He knows about NL now too but so far nothing has been said/done. I am not so daft as to think there won't be anything but will be rising above. Glad things are going well for you and your man

Hi Mme O yes boke indeed .. Perhaps a bit of a porn fiend ?? He also sent me photos which show that his profile photos are about 8 years old

He's texted me 'good morning' haven't replied as yet .. Still trying to decide which tack to take

As for your DD's dad .. Well it's F all to do with him who you go out with .. I'd just ignore and when he realised he's not getting any attention he'll give up

kirsty I've had texts like that. It put me off completely as I felt I was objectified and I felt it was a potential invasion of privacy and lack of respect.

poppy did he get in touch. You will always be on the back foot if he continues like this.

watch fab house news. OD has all but destroyed my belief in respectful men.

snape that was some dream.

So, I've a bad cold + PMT = not so cheerful.
I texted the man I had a date with last week to say I won't be seeing him tonight. He was fine and text very sweetly that he would always look forward to seeing me.

Body builder is tomorrow. I text him politely to say I didn't need reminding of the date and time, one more reminder and I wouldn't be going.

Another one who phones me regularly said too many times 'oh you need TLC, I'll give you TLC' got the end of my wrath. 'I actually 'need' paracetamol, brufen and a better, less stressful job' was the retort. This twat was angling for an invite over. In fact he said shall we see each other next week, we could get a take away. I've never met him. Yeah right. Delete.

Plus I'd asked another friend about going to cinema and seeing a concert abroad next year. He said 'both of these things will take care of themselves, just you concentrate on getting better. I know this is a bad time of year for you and you need to rest'. What he meant is it's my dads anniversary soon. Thing is I don't actually 'need' nor appreciate being told how I feel either. So he got it too!

madame O your ex is a twat indeed. And sounds very manipulative. Great news regarding new man though.

poppy just hold tight and wait and see, if he lets you down a second time then you will see its a pattern, but for now who knows?

juliette thanks for the tip!! nearly made me spit mt tea out laughing!

kirsty it would be a bit too much for me by text before meeting tbh. A bit of a worry he feels he needs to lay out what he wants and expects so early on. Mr Auditor sounds lovely though.

Well, my agonising over my text and lack of response was groundless! Got a call at 4pm, had left his phone at home and just rushed home to get it, asked him if he had read my email, no he hadn't seen it, OH!

we spoke in the evening, he was completely cool, and would live to spend New Years Eve with me and is going to book us a hotel!

so big thank you to the fantastic people on this thread who counselled me and gave great advice and helped me sort it out.

I think I have so much shit with lying, cheating STBXH, the Inland Revenue turned up here looking for him on Wednesday chasing a huge debt I was unaware of, that I just find it difficult to not be in a constant state of high alert of impending doom at all times!

Lesson learnt