Twirling body builders, dominant alpha males and been hurt in the past-Dating thread part 29

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

Took the liberty of starting a new thread.

Off you go ladies and gents...

[Poppysquad]

Oh he's wooing too. It was just meeting here tomorrow. He is in social services and I really hoped that meant that he was a bit more honourable and honest than the last guy I met over the internet

[OhWesternWind]

Hi Poppy - it will get easier as time goes on and you start to relax and feel more secure. But for tonight, put your phone in a drawer or on top of your wardrobe and resist all temptation.

Or, you can say sod it, forget the "rules", text if you want to text, call if you want to call, and just follow your instinct. If he doesn't like if, then he's not right for you.

Sorry, that's probably not helped, has it? I tend to go for the second option myself and it's working fine .... Life's too short to be fanning about with who texts who first/most, it really is.

Is he nice?

[KirstyWirsty]

Marking spot while in the loo (visiting my sis) will catch up later

[Poppysquad]

OhWesterWind, he's lovely. Really tall, half Italian, single dad with four teenage boys, three of whom are still at home. Wicked, quirky sense of humour, very open, intellligent - can you tell it's a new relationship?

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

Poppy Sorry, I didn't mean to sound nasty there. I'm sure he is wooing you. It's just I've been guilty myself of letting men come round my house straight from the off. I'm convinced it does no good. As others say, try and keep calm and not over think.

Miranda Horrible Histories? Excellent Matt Baynton in your sitting room on a Saturday night. It doesn't get much better than that!

[lulubellaboozle]

on the sofa with DC's, X Factor, pizza done, ben and jerry's done and wine doing!! Saw Mr Ex Army last night, 8 weeks into dating him.

Arrived at his flat before him, key left for me, started cooking him a meal (my treat after the £££'s he has spent wining and dining me), and dressed up in hold up's, sexy undies and a satin wrap as a suprise. Felt a little bit ridiculous and self doubting and almost considered changing ... but he arrived home (on the phone to his DD) and I actually saw his jaw drop! I can't tell you after all the shit I have been through this year how great it felt!

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

lulu I am somewhat in awe. You go girl!

[Nomorepain]

Lulu - you have jut made me smile and realise that there is hope!

I too have had a horrific year (doesnt seem to be ending!!) and your good news story has made my night!

[JulietteMontague]

Poppy right, in this case you have text him and sent him an email. Just leave it now whether or not he is keen you don't want to be chasing him at this stage. Either it will be ok, or not. More texting/mails/calls are not going to make it happen if you see what I mean.

[OhWesternWind]

Poppy he sounds great. Have confidence in yourself and it will all be fine.

[lulubellaboozle]

I was inspired by Moving with the dressing up! and a large glass of wine but I am not without my angst - analysing every text, every time gap in between texts etc etc, as my previous postings on these threads show. I feel like a neurotic teenager most of the time. But this thread is a good place to bear your soul and verbalise things that you feel you can't say to even your dearest friends in RL.

[Poppysquad]

I took my phone upstairs and there was a text from him from 18:50. There's virtually no signal at home. He just said 'In Hereford'. No idea why he might be there, but like I've said I hardly know him. I replied saying Oh.and asking if he was still planning to come here tomorrow.

Trying really hard to be cool about this and I'm not cool at all. Now I am thinking oh shit, that sounded a bit blunt etc etc I am just going to try and step back. So hard when I think he's lovely

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

poppy Is it usual for him to send such short texts with no kisses?

Honestly I know it is hard when you like someone but please try not to get in toO much of a state. You think he's lovely and that is great and you may well be right. Just try and keep in mind that you don't really know him that well just yet and try not to invest too much, too soon.

If a guy sends me short, blunt messages I usually respond in kind. I honestly think that you should never give out more than you get back. Has he responded yet?

[lulubellaboozle]

poppy if it helps, as my post just before you says, I am the QUEEN of examing the text message and I can honestly say that every time I have agonised over brevity, or lack of detail or lack of kisses, smiley faces or delays in responding - they have been without foundation! Even now, after last night, texted Mr Ex Army an hour ago and still waiting for a reply! I have to try and accept he just doesn't see it as the big deal that I do.

TBH, if he didn't want to communicate with you, why text at all? I get texts like that all the time, and actually he is just telling me where he is or what he is doing. I think you replied in exactly the right way and you will get an answer but if my experience is anything to go by - it might be tomorrow morning and only because texting isn't the big deal to them that it is to us!

Let us know what happens

[Poppysquad]

Hi Milkand, yes he sometimes sends very short messages and has never sent me a kiss, although he did send me a ({}) once which I took to be a hug. No reply yet, although I am back to there being no signal here again

[Poppysquad]

Thanks lulu. It's reassuring to hear that you feel the same way and, in thenocest way, despite what was obvioulsy a fab night, Mr Ex Army is still to get back to you.

You're right- he didn't need to send me anything. Bring on tomorrow morning

[lulubellaboozle]

Poppy I'm sure it will be fine, I get those texts all the time, be cool, I'm sure it will be fine.

Mr Ex Army and I have spent the day texting but I am that paranoid that after a couple of hours I get the heebie jeebies if he doesn't reply. As time goes by, I do know now that he will, it's just as I said earlier, he doesn't have my insecurity but then his ex was a cheating lying bastard!!!

fingers crossed for you

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

Poppy Yes I think that's a hug. Well either that or a huge sharks mouth symbol! I'm sure all will be well. Try not to stress.

Just had a text from my man boy saying he is at home and "tearing his eyes out with boredom" I find this oddly gratifying and I'm not sure if that makes me a bad person?

[Poppysquad]

Well at least the (1/2) Italian Stallion is out somewhere, or was.....so maybe not so bored

I am really looking forward to seeing him tomorrow - he told me he may come over on his motorbike. I'll let you know

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

Oooooo, a motorbike? This get's better and better! Lucky you Poppy

[OhWesternWind]

I think a lot of this has to do with us having bad experiences in the past and finding it difficult to trust people. And, arguably, not trusting people after you've met them three times is fair and sensible as you don't really know them.

I was okay when I was dating (first and second dates) as I wasn't bothered about them so didn't really care if they texted or not. I had a very keen bloke I went out with who texted me once or twice every day and I would just ignore him most of the time as I really couldn't be arsed. But when I met the lovely man I'm seeing now I morphed into mad psycho text-analysing fruit loop essentially because I WAS bothered about whether I heard from him, whether he liked me etc etc.

Eventually I decided I'd text or not text as I felt like it - I'm sure he does the same and it works out pretty evenly though he's texting and phoning first a lit more at the mo. but I feel a lot more relaxed
as I'm starting very slowly to trust him, and also I think he's going to be sticking around, at least for a while.

[Poppysquad]

Oh Milkand I do really hope I am lucky. Keep everything crossed. He is chunky

[Poppysquad]

Trust is so important OhWestern I just want to get to a point where I can trust someone again. 1/2 Italian stallion is such a caring role and a single dad that I really hope it means that he is trust worthy

[OhWesternWind]

I hope so too Poppy. Just take it slowly, don't rush things and make sure you're comfortable with how it's all going. It's been very difficult for me to open up and start to let down my barriers (lots of agonising on here last week) but its having good results.

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

Just try and take it slowly poppy it takes a long, long time to really trust someone. You are vulnerable and you need to try and protect yourself (whilst still enjoying your Italian stallions company of course)

In all honesty I find judging people by their jobs/relationships with others doesn't always serve that well. I used to work in Social services and the manager of my care home was conducting several affairs behind her (adoring) husbands back. She even used to sneak them into the home when she was working night shifts alone! Also, when I was much younger I had an affair with a married man (I'm not proud of it) who was the most doting father ever.

Sorry, it sounds (again) like I'm trying to put you off and I'm honestly not. I'm sure your man is lovely and I've got everything crossed for you both working out. I just think it's best to go into everything with your eyes open and a (healthy) dose of cynicism as well.

#bitterandtwisted