Twirling body builders, dominant alpha males and been hurt in the past-Dating thread part 29

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

Took the liberty of starting a new thread.

Off you go ladies and gents...

Juliette - if you need to leave, just leave. If you've arranged to meet for coffee then you decide whether to have a second or third or tenth cup of the stuff and keep the conversation going. You don't have to feel obligated to hang around and prolong the agony if it goes badly simply because he traveled to see you.

You've arranged to meet for coffee for an hour or whatever, when the hour is up, you say lovely meeting you, have to go, even if you don't. No guilt.

Good luck Kirsty and Juliette with your dates/pre-dates. Hope the doctor's okay and not too much like hard work. How much older is he?

Bantam I shall have your words echoing in my ears. He is new to OD so is still at the stage where he thinks meeting is a date, date. I have told when we spoke that rather than have a lot of mailing, I usually meet someone for coffee soonish, to see if we would like to go out on a date. I think he has not listened so have a sense of foreboding or maybe this is because the last time I had an actual meet up the guy who was a similar age decided to take rejection badly and basically assaulted me (forced his mouth on mine and held on so I couldn't push him off). It really disturbed me. Oh fuck.

Juliette, if you're having misgivings like this about meeting him, then please don't go. Just make an excuse and then block him. Really - you don't owe him anything at all and if you are not comfortable with meeting up, you really shouldn't.

Western he is only 6 years older but I've never had a relationship with anyone who was older than me and at my age this counts . I've gradually closed the gap over a few years but the closest I've got to my age was my last bf who was only 3 years younger than me and the most recent man I saw for a couple of months with who was 10 years younger.

Juliette that is a horrible thing to happen to you.

I would be very clear with this chap you are potentially meeting exactly how long you have decided to spend meeting him. Or if you don't want to, as OWW said don't go.

A little bit of communication now can avoid problems later.

Crossed posts Western. I think I've been thrown by the last date incident, not sure how much is that and how much is my radar telling me. My radar was spot on with the last one. He even let slip he had control issues with his previous partners and he knew I'd sussed him and that's why he did it.

Juliet - I agree, if you have misgivings about this guy then cancel. And also I'd say smile nicely at the end of the date, shake hands and don't reject them until you're on the way home or later. No one likes to be told that you don't like them in person (although forcing a kiss on you makes him a lower form of life IMO) so just be apologetic 'oh is that the time, I've really got to rush off, my very large brother is expecting me home, sorry it's been lovely, I'll text you?' and offer a handshake

That way he's not going to force the issue to get a kiss rather than nothing, hopefully, he'll hope he's impressed you enough to get a second date. And when you're out of there, then you dump him remotely. Politely, but remotely.

Also if you're in a public place and you get a bad feeling, then tell a waitress or waiter - ask if there's a back door if needs be. Just be safe, okay?

You don't owe the man anything. Nothing. If you want to leave early then leave. If he buys your drink you owe him nothing. If he buys you a meal you owe him nothing. If he drives across the country to see you, you owe him nothing. Politeness, yes, but if you need to go, then go.

WarmFuzzy yes he was an arse.

I was also thinking along the lines of re stating my intentions, and it would make me more comfortable and put me back in control. Anyone got a suggested text script? This is where I come unstuck.

How about something like 'Just checking you're still able to make tonight - As I said I'll only be able to meet for an hour or so though as I've got a slight family situation - hopefully that should be long enough for us to get to know each other a bit'

You don't have to elaborate on the family situation. You could change it to 'babysitter' situation assuming he knows you have kids (you do have DC I presume?)

But the most important thing here is cancel if you need to cancel. Make sure someone is set to call you 15 mins or so after the date starts, or set an alarm on your phone which sounds like a text message. Send a safety text to someone. If you feel uncomfortable tell a member of staff.

Oh look at me getting all mother-hennish.

Bantam you are right of course. Good point about not giving the impression I don't like him, it was tricky with the last one though as he kept trying to hold my hand and I would avoid it and then he kept telling me stuff and ask for validation. It was clear I wasn't into him and I made the mistake of not condoning some things. I did the 'lovely to meet you, must go now' when he insisted on walking me to the station. It was in the actual tube station, in full glare of the concourse that he did it. He was a defence lawyer for very serious cases so I think he knew what he was doing and reckoned on me not reacting.

What a tosser. Hopefully the bloke tonight (?) will be lovely though

Bantam that's a very good script, I will send that, thank you. My DC is now an older teen but family stuff comes up just as often. I'm also going to consider cancelling. I don't have concerns for my physical safety as meeting in Covent Garden and will wear flat boots, its more of an uneasiness that I can't express. Mother-hennish isuits you

It's Thursday night so I have time to sort myself out

That sounded a bit Carry On Dating rude .

now you mention it, it did :)

Oh for those of you who remember my romantic liaison with Erica the obvious scammer - the gymnastic dentist - she actually did respond to my gibberish email to [email protected]...

highlights of the message from her were:

"I the brown-haired woman! You like such hair colour?
Colour of eyes green. At me very mysterious and an inviting look. I hope you it will see =)...My growth makes 170 centimetres and weight of 58 kg. And what your parametres?

I watch the figure. I do not eat that superfluous and a lot of high-calorie, but I love it is tasty and nourishingly to eat =)...Especially I like to walk simply! =)
I like to go on the nature, to fry a barbecue.
My favourite colour red....

for me it is unacceptable and intolerant if someone asks naked photos! I cease to communicate at once with such people!
For me low even to talk about it! I hope that you have understood me and will not play with me asking naked photos!
I search serious relations and love!"

I really CBA to send a multi-translated reply back. Maybe I'll get round to it. But the fact that she took my 'multiplication is much better than the beatings!..Yours with infinite passion and a credit card!' email seriously just leads me to think it's a waste of time.

humph. Scammers these days. They don't even try.

nowadays bant even the Scammers sare half arsed as my daughter says

ahem are

Juliette last date sounds awful, I hope Thursdays is respectful even if he turns out to be a dud! Sounds like Bantam's given you some good advice.

And Bantam, Erica sounds such fun, are you not tempted to reply one more time? Especially if you really went to all the trouble of setting up that email address! How funny. (I'd say ask her if she'll send you a photo of just one boob but she might and then I'd feel bad for encouraging such behaviour!)

I always avoid telling the bloke during the date that I dont want to do it again, if he's pushy or tries to put me on the spot I'll just agree and then cancel by text later.
I've found that offering me a lift home is very common, I always refuse even if I think I'll want to see him again I need a bit of time to think it over and process things.
I sometimes think these guys recon I'll be overcome with lust if I could only be persuaded to GET IN THE CAR
has he sprayed some sort of hormone in there??

...Can I join the party? I have been following the threads whizzing by for a few weeks, whilst dipping my toe in OD. Thanks to the many words of wisdom on these threads I have not been surprised by any of the inbox so far -but no cock pics to date- where could I be going wrong??.
This morning?s mildly entertaining exchange went as follows:
Him: Hi, what are you seeking ? (this was sent a few weeks ago when I was lurking unsubscribed on Match..have just bitten the bullet and paid up so can now access the messages)
Me: Belatedly responding to messages received before I subscribed (hey, what?s 7 weeks..)- you?ve probably forgotten you messaged me, but I thought it was only polite to reply. Don?t know if my profile answers your question from the dim and distant past?
Him: Lol. I don?t think it does but thankyou anyway. I am more direct- seeking a passionate lover- is that something you would consider?
Me: Direct is fine. Starting a message with ?lol? is most definitely a dealbreaker for me
Him: I am sorry to hear that. Is that game over?
Me: Yep
Him: Don?t you mean yes? Isn?t yep a made up word also?
Me: Yep is emphatic
Him: Phew. Heartache avoided.
How could I resist that delightful direct approach...

This thread is making me laugh but also making me dread OD...

I live in such a small town the chances if meeting anyone are remote and I have 4yo DD so thought give OD a go, but it's so depressing.

Match man who rejected me due to size looked st my profile yesterday and today. Why, if I'm not for him :-/?

I did amend my profile a bit to say I don't judge a book by its cover.....

Domino, that's what I love about od tbh, the banter on mails like that - you wouldn't know someone lols if you met them in a bar!!

Lol always puts me off people, but you're right. If you met someone funny and interesting and attractive in real life you wouldn't know or possibly care if they lolled or not until you were mailing and texting at which point it wouldn't put you off the fact you'd seen that twinkle in their eye, or nice grin, or whatever.

We're all sooo shallow. Lol.