Twirling body builders, dominant alpha males and been hurt in the past-Dating thread part 29

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

Took the liberty of starting a new thread.

Off you go ladies and gents...

hmm, i still think heels are required for the full femme fatale?

mercury No one has complained yet

I'd say any shoe or heel you would have a beautiful foot in and you could walk very well with...

Personally, I cannot stand plateau heels, I find them sooooooo ugly and not femme fatale at all. Now shoot me

OWW Have to ask as I'm not sure of finer details. How long have you be seeing your guy and have you actually already slept together? Just from what I have read you sound very invested. I don't think you are being naive and I appreciate he is having a dreadful time. I think you may need to be careful you don't end up fretting and worrying constantly over this man though. Remember talking about the future means bugger all really. You have to judge someone's behaviour on how they are acting towards you in the here and now. Talks cheap after all. I hope the op goes well though. Fingers crossed for you.

Bant That sounds promising. Send her a nice message.

I feel very meh today. last night I went to a gig with some friends, including my friend who 2 months ago I bit the bullet with and told him that I had feelings for him. His response was to tell me he had been secretly seeing a girl for a couple of months Anyway, last night he came round my flat before we went to meet the others and announced after about 10 minutes that he 'thinks' it's all over between them. I've never struggled more to keep a straight face as I GENUINELY wasn't expecting to hear it. I managed very well though and told him I was sorry to hear that (yeah, right!) He then tried to start telling me about how 'Schizophrenic' she is. So I just told him this is what happens when you rush into things with people you don't know and then I changed the subject.

Now I don't know how to feel. Is he being a bit of a twat here? He knows how I feel about him because I couldn't hide my devastation when I found out about the other girl in the first place. I've been working really hard on putting my feelings behind me and now he pops round and tells me that! Surely I'm the last person he should be telling in the circumstances? If it was me I wouldn't say anything, especially not so quickly. I would be really wary if further hurting the feelings of someone whose feelings I'd already (inadvertently) hurt.

Sorry for the ramble. I just don't know what to think. It's a bit of a headfuck to be honest.

world we are cut from the same cloth.

milk hi, you have nailed it he is a 'headfuck'. Why tell you? What does he want from you?

Remember talking about the future means bugger all really. You have to judge someone's behaviour on how they are acting towards you in the here and now. Talks cheap after all.

Milk I would totally agree with this, and I would try not to see it as much as cheap and rather let the man have his sweet talk as much as he likes, but it's up to me what I make of it, while I'm enjoying ha ha

And yes, I think it is not just a bit of a headfuck. It's a big one, to be honest.

warm I honestly, literally have no idea why he told me. It was one of the first bits of information out of his mouth ( I haven't seen him since my oh so dignified confession) Perhaps he was expecting me to drop to one knee and get a diamond ring out of my pocket in gratitude? Or maybe he just thinks that 'mates' tell each other these things? Which yes, they do, normally. Under the circumstances though a bit more sensitivity to my feelings is surely not too much to ask? It's barely 3 days since he was posting on FB about how in love he was and now she's crazy? I think he's just in love with the idea of love tbh. I expect to hear their engagement announced within the fortnight! I'm not getting dragged into some ridiculous mind game scenario. Which is what he's basically doing, inadvertently or not. It's just not acceptable behaviour!

citizen - no she actually lives nearby, is intelligent, attractive and describes herself as funny - although that has yet to be proven. It's just that of the hundred or so women I've mailed over the course of 4 months of OD, each one individually written, I've chatted to a small proportion of them, lets say one third. Of those, I've met with one third. Of those I've had a second date with one third again.

That's three second dates, no third dates, from mailing one hundred women. The statistics do not look good for me :) So I'm not getting overly optimistic, we'll just see how we go. The fact she winked at me first is a good sign

Milk - it seems like a bit of a shitty thing for him to do, tell you things are breaking down with his current gf when you've told him you like him. But maybe he didn't get it, maybe he's too self absorbed. One thing I read somewhere was slagging off other women and exes is a red flag, so calling her schizophrenic may not be a good sign. It looks like he wants a convenient shoulder to cry on

milk he's prob just trying to stay in control and put himself in a position to pull the strings

I still think you should mail her bant Yes the odds are always stacked against us but we should always persevere. Who knows, she could be the lady to break the pattern?

Yes he is self-absorbed but at the same time he is usually quite sensitive to peoples feelings. Also a very private person so it's really out of character for him. I was quite taken aback to hear him describe her the way he did. He normally looks for the good in everyone, even when they are total twats.

But yeah, all that "She's crazy" stuff always grinds my gears. That is why I changed to subject asap. He can go dampen somebody else's shoulder. Mine is strictly off limits!

Milk, forgive my cynicism, but I think he's hoping to be able to take advantage of your feelings and get you into bed. I might be wrong but that's the first thing I though on reading what happened. :(

As for me I have a lunchtime date arranged for Monday with Mr RealAle. It would have been earlier if I didn't have a dreadful cold. I hope I am better by Monday: sneezing and a red, dripping nose are not exactly attractive!

I see bantam. Just go with the flow and not having too much expectation is generally a good thing, I think.

I belive that there are not many out there who truly match/fit for a LTR/marriage kind of relationship, so when it fits I'd count my blessings.

But on the other hand, lots of folks out there I have chemistry and spark with, at least plenty to have ONS or FWB or some other sort of romantic fling, also enjoy as long it is possible

Oh and now I looked in a bit more detail, she winked at me yesterday and I sent her the 'can I see a photo' mail, she put a photo up this morning and I sent her a 'hello' email.

But she hasn't looked at my profile. She's winked without reading my profile at all - so it means nothing apart from that I wasn't obviously ugly in my main picture. She may not have read my mail, I can't tell (got to pay extra for that) and she could have just winked at every picture of every guy in a 20 mile radius, then she'll look through the mails that she gets. Dunno.

Ah well, not holding my breath. Date with the psychotherapist tomorrow.

'But on the other hand, lots of folks out there I have chemistry and spark with, at least plenty to have ONS or FWB or some other sort of romantic fling, also enjoy as long it is possible' world you know how it goes...

Western keeping everything crossed op goes well tomorrow. He's probably quite stressed about it all so I would give it a couple of days and then try talking to him.

Milk sounds to me he is after an ego boost by confiding in you, be careful.

Bantam perseverance is key my friend and we all know how you feel.

As for me, I'm meeting dishy doc in London next Friday for dinner and drinks, I'm so excited! It does show on my profile that I have children but I haven't written about it in the about me section. I'm just hoping he's read my profile properly.

I'm knackered today, had a blazing 2 hr row on the phone with ex last night and couldn't sleep afterwards.

warm

Pixie if it's on your profile, I think it's sufficient. I for one cannot stand too much talk about children on their.

on there (the profile) I meant to write... can't you tell I am not a native speaker

Hi all - it's taken bloody ages to catch up with where everyone is at!

I had date 2 on Sunday - lots of hand-holdy walking in Shoreditch, some wine (although was a little more abstemious then last week) and lots of snogging (had a bit of chin rash from his stubble and was told to get a room by a passer by)

So. Date 3 arranged for this weekend where he is going to drive down to N. London from Cambridge, pick me up and whisk me back there (kids will be with ex-SIL). A certain other Cambridge-based man (cheers Bantam ) has given me a list of potential places to go but I'm not sure I'll get to any of them. I'm thinking Coffee and lots of it

The last time I had Coffee with a new man was 17 years ago.

Thanks Pixie and Milk - yes, he's very stressed, problem is if the "lump" has spread iyswim which will find out shortly when he has the op. So potentially really serious stuff hence being a bit worried about it.

Milk - I've been seeing him a couple of months now so still early days although I've seen quite a lot of him over this time, basically whenever children/other commitments permit. We have had wonderful Coffee but this has been limited due to opportunity ie finding a child-free house to be able to do it in. I have my children 24/7 and he has his 50:50 - we wanted to see each other and I knew he would have the children, which is fine, it's not just about sex, but damn it gets frustrating!! Don't really want to make an issue of it at the moment so it's probably going to be a see-what-happens thing when we next get the opportunity. I do like the cuddling and talking stuff too, don't get me wrong, it feels very comfortable and natural. But I want a damn good seeing to

Ho hum.

WRT the one breaking up with his gf, I don't think it's right for him to be saying stuff like that to you when he knows how you feel/felt. Is he trying to line you up? And if he is, how do you feel about it?

Bant - I wouldn't worry about it really. If you get chatting and get on okay, it doesn't really matter.

Sorry Western and I do hope everything will be alright with the op. I read everyone's posts then just posted my stuff in a very me-me-me way. And while I'm at it, Yoga - I hope things improve on the job front, Watch - I hope things come through with the house, Milk - good news but tread carefully? Bantam - good luck with your pyscho(therapist) date and Pixie - I hope your doctor date goes well. Apologies to anyone I missed (just wanted to let you all know that I'm not completely self-absorbed)!!

smoothie Date no3 sounds promising!

Western Really hoping for good news for you. xx

Wonder if Kirsty has had her "pre-date" before the date yet?

Hi yoga the pre date before the 'big date on Thursday ' with theAuditor is tonight .. Just popped out at lunchtime and bought a pair of jeans (size 10 .. Thanks to the divorce diet ) and top to wear

Also texting lovely submariner .. Can't see him till 5/12 though which is a real pity .. Hope I am not building him up to much in my head .. He comes across as funny, considerate and eloquent by text ..

Just lost a big post for the second time which went something like

Western good luck to him for tomorrow, he will be having all sorts of emotions which don't necessarily work with Coffee

Poppy if a man wants to see you, he will find a way

Bantam your statistics really bring it home how random OD is for all of us

Milk total headfuck, yes keep your shoulders dry!

and I have the date with the older doctor who seems full of himself Thursday evening. I'm hoping he was just nervous on the phone, we'll see. I wanted to keep it to coffee but as it's in the evening and he is coming from a distance it makes it more difficult to leave if necessary.