The prodigal son daughter returneth. It would appear that we had our last couples counselling session today. It's been an up-and-down week and I tried to get that through today. NSDH's reaction was to get extremely grumpy and acuse me of being negative.
The subject of having more children in the future FINALLY came up - of course he was all for it, all this bollocks about having children 'completing' him. I said I didn't expect to have any more and things would have to drastically change for it to ever happen - due to being so unsupported etc when DD was born last year. He didn't like that.
I said that our financial situation hasn't changed, since as always if anything is to happen I'm the one who has to organise it. He didn't like that either. I used the subject of xmas presents as an example - unless I specifically tell him to buy for someone, he won't do anything. He didn't like that. He told me that as 'he's a man' he can't be expected to remember to do these things, and that 'other women he knows' don't expect their men too, that he's never been like this in all the years we've been together (which isn't true). I said that I feel like I'm juggling - all these balls in the air, me, DD, work, studying, the house etc, I don't need another set of balls (him) to have to manage too. He said if I'm not happy then I need to say that I want to end it (that old chestnut again).
The counsellor said that things do get easier as kids get older ("Exactly why I don't want any more", said I), but then NSDH turned on me. Said the problem wasn't DD, it was me. My mood swings are too much. ("Volatile?" Said the counsellor, "Yes", he says).
He complained about the amount of time I spend studying in the evenings, which made me angry. Told him I was making no apology for trying to better myself.
The counsellor suggested that as we've done sooooo much work that we might be trying to find things wrong that we wouldn't before (
). She asked if we needed any more sessions. No, says he, the 'ball is in our court now'. I said I thought we did need more. He then says that he is 'in trouble with work for not having enough flex so he can come to these sessions, and not enough annual leave left' - which is all total bollocks, the way he phrased it made it clear to me he's lying, he just doesn't want to spend any more of 'his' time on this. I said I didn't feel comfortable enough to go it alone and that we still had work to do, but said that since I'm not allowed to be negative what's the point of saying so.
The counsellor said we could come back next week as normal if we wanted, or have a few weeks break and come back after xmas. We need to ring her to let her know. As we left NSDH turns to her and says "thank you for everything, for all your help, and merry xmas". Translation - he's got no intention of ever coming back.
I'm now left feeling like I don't even know this man in my life. He's a totally different person to me now. I know everyone here warned me not to do couples counselling, and more fool me for going, but I'm a bit fragile now so please be gentle. Trying to hold it together tonight, can't bring myself to talk to him and he's now grumpy (obviously I'm not allowed any complaints). Think I might be sleeping on the sofa tonight. Can't do this anymore. 