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[Blindedbyscience]

Never a good idea, I know, but looked on dh ipad at the history, and it had an undeleted search on about finding an escort. He works abroad and the search was looking for one in that country. I confronted him about it and he claims it is because he stays in a hotel while away and is on a shared network. He claims that it is someone else's search that has shown on his iPad. He's lying isn't he? I have no IT knowledge at all- he knows that. Anyone know if this could be a possibility, or is he a lying arse? Cheers

He's lying.

It's just not possible to have a search history on a device if you haven't searched for it.

The only thing that is remotely similar is when I logged in to my Googlemail on DH's phone and then it proceeded to store all his Google searches - when I looked on the internet for my history to find something I'd forgotten the name of I could see anything he'd searched for. I had to log in to an account to see it though and at no time did it appear as a search criteria on any of my devices that I am logged in to Google for.

Shared networks don't 'invade' and share things like this with other devices, it would be chaos otherwise and people would have access to other people's info and documents.

Don't believe a word he says, he's relying on you not having any IT knowledge to get away with this...

Smells like bullshit to me, op. Sorry.

Nope. That's a gigantic pile of bullshit.

Thanks- I knew really. I know he lies to me. We have been married for fifteen years and have 4 dc. I can't work out when this started happening. I have been trying to persuade myself that he couldn't do this to me. But he could- have to face that

Definitely not possible.

The problem is that having confronted him (and quite rightly too), he will now be much more careful in covering his tracks. If I were you, I would back off and do some snooping - check mobile bills, credit card/bank statements, emails, deleted folders/internet history etc.

How has he been generally? how are things with you both? does he use porn?

Can you remember the last time when things were good? That would be just before he started cheating.

I would consider getting tested for STDs

The lying manipulative bastard. I hate it when they make stuff up like that to make you doubt yourself. Does he think you're stupid?

Hope you're okay x

We are happy together- or so I thought. We have a good sex life and although he is away for weeks at a time, I thought we were doing ok. He always deletes all his search history when he comes home, which obviously has always concerned me. He deletes all his texts. I have only once found any evidence of porn in all the time i've known him, and be says it was a one off. There have been many instances of this type of behaviour though- two OW in the past. I think the one was a text flirtation, but not so sure about the other one. He sounds great doesn't he? I am very frustrated with myself, as I am an intelligent professional person. I don't know how he has turned me into this gullible idiot

He could do it, and he has.

He has told you the wrong lie. He should have simply said someone borrowed his Ipad. He is insulting your intelligence by expecting you to believe this shit.

He sounds terrible, and very much like he will simply carry on doing it. Several examples of infidelity you have on your hands here.

He is lying. He is putting your mental health at risk by making you doubt yourself and your physical health at risk by having sex with other women. This makes him one very, very self-entitled man who puts his needs above yours and/or a massive coward who is scared of the consequences of you knowing the truth.

Is there something that made you start searching for evidence again this time?

So he has form for cheating

He uses porn, escort sites, deletes internet history and texts, so he has been leading a double life for a long time then. He sounds like a serial philanderer, used to a life of lying and deceit.

I don't think he will change and that you will never be able to trust him

The fact that he has moved onto escorts, paying vulnerable women for sex shows how warped his views of sex and women are. Women are there to provide a service - he does not see them as equals.

What do you want to do?

In reality, I haven't trusted him in years. I am truly devastated as we have been through a lot together and have had a happy marriage. This all started about five years ago with the first infidelity- which he denies. I couldn't bring myself to leave him and wanted to work at things. Then it happened again- secretive with his mobile and I found out he'd been textig this OW up to 80 times a day. I stayed because he lost his job soon after that and I was worrie about him. We have been happy since though, but can't quite get my head around what he has done this time

No idea what to do.

You could stay and negotiate an open marriage. As long as you get your jollies too. Would he be up for that ? < doubts it >

No! He's very insecure about me ironically. Don't get him- he has so much going for him, so much to have been happy about. What a twat

What's good for the goose, no ? Why wouldn't he be ok with you doing what he has been doing, if there is nothing in it ?

he is "insecure" about you, because he is projecting his own dodgy behaviour onto you

I have been very much manipulated I know. I suppose I have let him get away with it by turning a blind eye to things I knew weren't right. His father is a lying drunk, so he has grown up with deceit. I honestly thought he would do anything to avoid being like his father

You need to accept that he is what he is - a cheating, lying pathetic twat who has left the marriage by looking for sex elsewhere

You can't change him.

But you can change how you deal with the situation. You have two choices - one is to do nothing (as before) and two is to ask him to leave.

In reality I think it has been money that has kept me in the marriage. I am afraid of being penniless. I would hope that he would still want to be a good father, but in reality I don't really know him I suppose

Why would you be penniless ? Divorce him. Whether he plays dirty then, or not, he will be forced to support his children.

Have you consulted a professional to get an idea of how you would be financially if you were to split ?

You won't be penniless - he will have to pay maintenance for you and DC. He can still be their father.

I would get some legal and financial advice - solicitor & CAB (to find out about benefits, tax credits etc). Olgaga on here has some great advice on this if you do a search under her name.

I am going to sound horribly mercenary now, but we are supposed to be buying a new house- we are renting at the moment. Would I be better hanging on until we have bought it? He's not going to buy a house with me if I've told him to fuck off is he?

I have got to put me and the dc first. I need us to have financial security as far as possible

Are you getting a large mortgage ? That will tie you further.

it would better, IMO, to stay as unentangled as possible

it could be a good thing that you are renting

if he leaves, you may be eligible for housing benefit etc

take legal advice