en I came on here in Sept 2011, I thought as you did. I was utterly fed up, knew something of that sort was up and had been for a long time, and simply couldnt believe I would ever get to the bottom of it. He was too denying and too clever, and I was crap with technology- other than the usual stuff. I think AF will remember.
These are the things people told me, and which I simply could not accept at the time (and which I found the hard way to be true):
- he thinks he is cleverer than you
- he thinks that if you cant prove it but have suspicions and are therefore deeply unhappy, it doesnt matter, because he is more important by far
-he thinks you are for friendship, domestic support and motherhood, and OW sexual approval, and for hot sex and fun
- he has all sorts of internal dialogues to justify this and if/when they dont work, he stops thinking about it
- he will not stop doing it, because he got away with it
-there will be other non sexual secrets too, which are harmful or unequal in your relationship, meaning this is not a partnership, because (unspoken) he is the boss
-as AF says, he will not actually stop unless he wants to, and if you 'prove it' and he doesnt want to stop, he will pretend he has
- if he stops at all, it will because he faces a catastrophe- big loss (emotional and financial), and he believes that is the case.
So you need to create a catastrophe for him, or continue as you are. Knowing that he has gone off quite happy, knowing that you are miserable.