WWYD BIL, GF and unborn baby?

[mummy1986]

My BIL and his gf are having a baby in April 2013.
They have just brought a houe which is well beyond their means, have trouble keeping up with the mortgage repayments and are already in arrears with council tax.
I suggested to dp that instead of buying them christmas gifts this year we buy practical things for the baby, he agreed.
Suggested to bil and gf and they went slightly mental!
Surely they would be grateful that we want to buy our unborn niece/nephew things?
I know it sounds harsh not buying for them, but they are soooo skint. (My mil is buying the pram, they are having our cot, changing table and all nursery bedding changing mat etc.)
I thought i was being helpful, or do you think not?
She is 17, 18 next week and he is 24.
previously posted in christmas

[Iodine]

Decktheballs- if you are a beardy man who likes sports then yes, I may be your sister

[mummy1986]

Just had a call from them can i take gf to town to have her bloody hair cut and coloured tomorrow! Bloody cheek of them!

[Offred]

Put off politely! Say sorry, money's tight ATM with Xmas coming up.

[decktheballs]

Oh, iodine I of course meant sil

[FrillyMilly]

I agree you need to say no. If you know they are in a bad place financially don't help them to spend unnecessary cash. If they are £300 a month short what is she doing having her hair cut and colored. It's a long time since I had my hair cut (I'm skint!) but it used to cost me the best part of £75.

[FrillyMilly]

I meant long time since I had it cut and coloured

[mummy1986]

I told her no im busy sorry get the bus and she said cant afford the fare! Dont have your bloody hair done at a salon that will cost nearly 100 and cant get there! Arrrrghhh!

[FatimaLovesBread]

Just text back saying how can you afford the cut and colour if you can't afford the bus fare to get there?
Or say you'll take her but you'll need £5 for petrol

[MissMummy1]

Gosh what a tricky situation.

There's a big age gap between my partner and I. I'm almost 21 and he's 34, so I'd be a complete hypocrite to cast aspertions on their age gap. BUT our situations are poles apart. We have a combined salary of 45k, both have excellent credit ratings and, other than my small student loan, have no debts. My partner is employed full time and I have my own business. We have a 10-15% deposit saved, and yet we can't get a mortgage!! How the hell they managed is beyond me!

It sounds to me like you won't be able to reason with them. We are due a baby at the end of this month and as such expensive luxuries like nice haircuts are definitely a thing of the past! We're fortunate to have a bit of disposable income but all of that is being ploughed into a savings account for a bigger house deposit and to buy baby things.

To be so short every month and be so clueless is worrying. Very worrying. Little short of them having their house repossesed I have no idea how you'll be able to get through to them though...

[Iodine]

I hope you have got through today ok and resisted the urge to drive her to the salon!

[Iodine]

Decktheballs- I don't think so. You've engaged in conversation with me, which is something she hasn't managed to do in 3 years .