Bizarroville!! PoshBoys, Muppets, Surgeons, nurses, coffee addicts and RL - dating thread 27!

[lubeybooby]

Roll up roll up get yer dating chat here... all kinds of dating...

Online, RL, established, new, join in and blether away!

well done :)

It IS horrible dumping someone, not because you dont know its right to do, but just because you know you are going to be the cause of someone feeling shit.

But its better than stringing her along and then dumping her after having sex or seeing her for a few months.

All part of life Bantam has to be done.
Morning all, nice that lots of people are getting coffee!

Can I just add an Amen to the '"STBX" bit of "cheating bastard STBXHs"?

I am in the M4 corridor. Haven't been on the main OD websites yet. Not sure main website would work as am not very near big cities.

Not ready for LTR, I just need 'coffee' while I work towards getting emotionally and financially strong.

You have nothing to feel guilty about bant, she wasn't right for you and you didn't string her along. Makes you decent in my book, not horrible

Don't feel guilty bantam! It would be way worse to string her along.

thanks Fate. I know it's the right thing to do, I just don't like upsetting people.

by the way, you guys really need to change the coffee=sex metaphor. I was about to post that I was possibly going to meet the nurse for an impromptu coffee date later on. And advising new daters to meet someone for coffee for a first date to decide if you like someone, that's just wrong :)

Hello all, Long time no speak. I've been busy in RL launching myself into a few disastrous flings & one bad case of unrequited love. Now I'm back on-line to widen my pool of men to potentially disappoint me!

I'm desperately trying to up the age limit of the guys I getting chatting with but it just never works. I'm 33 & really need to find a man nearer my own age! The trouble is I love to go out partying (eternal child at heart ) and as soon as they mention that they "Don't like clubbing or staying out late any-more" my heart just sinks. Last night I ended up going to see a band with a manboy from OKC. Utterly, tear-the-clothes off his back gorgeous but only 21 years old!!!

Do any of you other ladies prefer younger men? I'm seriously concerned I'm turning into a drooling old lecher here!

Thanks everyone for being so happy for me. I am grinning CONSTANTLY at work. Haven't felt this happy in a v v long time And everyone who said it WAS that I wasn't meeting the right men, and I would eventually, thanks, and many hugs to you all. You are all so lovely. As is LC of course :)

I have realised that (subconsciously) I was setting my sights lower and lower with every rejection til the scaffolder, which was truly the nadir of my dating endeavours. And I do rather think the men I dated and never saw again rejected me at least in part because I was - without wanting to seem too full of my own self importance - far too good for them.

Of course the whole LC thing could blow up in my face any time (though I hope it doesnt) BUT it has made me realise my own self worth etc...sorry that was a bit self-indulgent

One of my lovely friends has offered to take the DC to the cinema tomorrow if LC is free (fingers crossed) so I can potentially invite him round for a few hours :)

Is it too much to offer to make him dinner? Plus I am not the best cook tbh!

Go for it sponge! get some M&S stuff in and put it all in your own cookware

Sponge I'm so happy to read that you are feeling so good about things You really, truly deserve is. Long may it last!

DON'T cook him dinner though (well do if you want but I personally wouldn't) I think that sort of thing should be left until later on when he's fully proved that he actually deserves to have a meal cooked for him. I know it's tempting to spoil people when we like them but at this early stage I would leave the Nigella cookbook firmly in the kitchen drawer.

If you want to invite him over then get a take away Better still make him take you out & continue wooing you. I've realised that one of the mistakes I have been making is letting guys come over too early on and fussing over them. It just fast forwards them through all the "Where do I stand?" angst & then they get smug about how much you like them & that's when they get all complacent.

Not that I'm cynical or anything you understand.

confused yes my ex was quite proud that he was known as 'the Grinch' .. He got more grinch like as the years went on :-s

The surgeon has texted me 'any dates from the site?' So I replied 'yes I've got 3 lined up' :-)

:) sponge. :) :) :)

i know, its fab. the puppy did the same for me.its like you suddenly go ' oh, so i AM worth it'
its just the toll of constant rejection, by, yes, crap men, that takes its toll.

And you know what, it doesnt matter if it doesnt last forever, enjoy it for whatever it may be :)

I would aviod cooking for him so early on, for the reasons that milk says. BUT, do tell him you are free and ask if he fancies doing somehting, film and a takeway is acceptable, but dont go running around making all the effort just yet :)

milk - welcome back :) Im34 and rarely find those older than me attractive. I was sat next to some lovely boys ( because, yes, there were boys - still at uni) last night, and was thinking ' fuck me, i would' obviously i wouldnt actually DATE them, but, yeah:)

I've always tended to go for older men. Much older sometimes.

I think the ages I seem to find most attractive though would be 30's and early 40's (BC is 35) so the gap is closing and I can see me still preferring that age when I'm much older. So then I'll find myself liking younger men.

Same as with short men, younger men tend to bring out my maternal side rather than the lusty side and I find them cute/sweet rather than 'phwoaaar!' even the very good looking and fit ones. It just doesn't work for me. I am officially weird.

I don't think I'd do dinner yet - suggesting a take-away is a bit more casual (and less pressure on you too). But letting him do the wooing is also good - you're desirable, wanted and he's making an effort etc. If you went out for a drink/meal and then back to yours for coffee (what am I saying ), that would be quite relaxed and easy to manage. Being relaxed is an important part of it IMO.

Bant - others are right, dumping her does not make you a bad guy. Not stringing her along, being upfront instead of just doing a runner makes you one of the good guys. It's all part and parcel of the process.

Also, I agree the coffee=sex metaphor could get a bit confusing. For example, now I don't want to admit that I'm drinking coffee by myself!

Ok, gingerbread man's profile as requested but to be honest there isn't much to see. You won't be able to see his photo. It was attached to the message he sent me - not as gorgeous as the Engineer but nice looking. His emails have been very chatty and he has two kids a bit younger than mine which is good. BUT...his profile says wants to date but nothing serious, AND he's now said he's going to be offline for a few days but will be able to check his mail on his phone and has given me his email.

GingerbreadMan

At the moment I'm keeping fingers crossed that the Engineer will suggest a date sooner rather than later.

hey Milk good to see you back:o
my only reason for preferring younger men is that those my age & older tend to have let things slide.
I'm mid 40's and dont think I'd find the right sort of chemistry with anyone much under 30

Hey Watch how are things going for you? I'm so totally behind with the thread that I wouldn't know where to begin catching up!

I'm glad it's not just me who likes younger men. All my pals in London are mid twenties & they keep telling me to look for someone my age. I think it's because thing man+age of over 30=Ready to commit. Whereas us ladies of a slightly more mature vintage know this isn't the case. It was so funny last night. There were several young ladies giving my man boy the eye and I just wanted to stand on the table & go "Yes he is Hot & he's out with ME, ahahahaha"

Hate See Watch & I are in agreement with the no cooking thing. We will come round and bind your hands together if required.

Kirsty Have you been out with The Surgeon? God why doesn't he just ask you instead of trying to find out if anyone else is?

I always go for younger guys and it seems to work well, GM is only 2 years younger than me, so quite tame for me! However, one or two older guys I've dated certainly know their ahem coffee beans!

lubey - you're not weird, I don't like younger men either. I prefer my own age or just a bit older. Younger ones seem like too much hard work to me - they need housetraining, they might still want kids, and I'm definitiley not into clubbing. Sad but I love dating men who will cook for me !!

Mercury That is how I feel about the looks thing as well. I'm in pretty good nick for nearly 34 (she says modestly) Yet so many men of even my age seem to be gaining a middle aged spread & letting it all go. Not attractive. It's OK for my friends who are younger to say date an older man. They aren't the ones who then have to get in the sack with his sagging bit and pieces!

I always thought I liked older men, until I got older myself , now at the grand old age of 47, I got a nasty shock when I started OD ...... the silver foxes seemed to be in short supply!

I did seem to appeal to either the very young (early 20's, not sure if they wanted to be mothered or just thought that anyone my age was gagging for it) or the very old (nothing wrong with dating in your 60's, but purleeease, I don't want someone I'm dating to be mistaken for my Dad!)

Come to the conclusion, that around my age, give or take a couple of years either way is perfect for me and shallow as it sounds; the photos are the clincher! there has to be something there that you find attractive!

Kirsty - how did the surgeon react when you said you had 3 dates?

yoga - not to rain on your parade, but i would be wary of no pic and then being off line for a few days. he MIGHT be married. keep chatting, but keep your wits about you.

Milk - Yeah, am ok. Dumped someone last week... have deicded to have a little break from it all at the momment. And yeah, id be on the table doing the same thing :)