AIBU about DP's friendship with this woman?

[Whatsmyproblem]

In the period between his relationship breaking up and meeting me my DP reconnected wi an ex girlfriend of his from sbout a decade ago. She's a single mum with a DD and he has a DD too (although she's a bit younger). When they dated a decade ago they were only together for 6 months or so and she dumped him.

DP says that nothing happened between them after they got back in touch. He just wanted a female friend to talk to about his break up. DP and I have been together two years now and during that time I guess he's met up with this woman maybe half a dozen times. And they always meet with their DDs because their DDs get on well despite the age difference.

So far so appropriate and non-dodgy. So WHY does it bug me so much?? Yes she's an ex of his, but they dated a very long time ago and she ditched him. I'm pretty certain neither is interested in the other in that way. I guess I just don't understand why they keep in touch. They don't seem especially close, only meeting for play dates a few times a year. Unless they chat a lot via email or on the phone during the day and I don't know about it??

And I'm always excluded from their play dates. Whenever he meets up with her it's like an unspoken thing that I'm not invited. Why doesn't he want me to meet her? Or is it simply that he doesn't have an awful lot of friends (whereas I do) and he likes having time with a friend to himself? To be fair he includes me in almost everything else in his life. Thats why it seems weirder to me that I've never met her.

I've been away for a few days at a wedding (he was invited but couldn't come because of half term child care/handover with ex complications) and in the five days I've been away he's arranged to see her twice. They're taking the kids to a big circus thing tomorrow night and then fireworks and to be honest I'm jealous!

Would you think this was dodgy? Am I justified in being a bit pissed off? Or WIBU to tell him I don't like the idea of him and his DD having cosy nights out with her and her DD the second I'm out of town?

In his defence, he hasn't seen her since July. And there have been plenty of other times when I've been out of town and he hasn't arranged to see her. And as far as I know, in the periods in between them catching up they don't really talk that much at all.

What do you think?

Why is that Blueberry - do you know my DP? I posted that i wouldnt be happy with the OPs situation, explaining that my DP is pretty much as trustworthy as they come (which despite his faults, which we both have). But you are obviously basing your comments on my other thread - yeah, thats really really nice!! So i suggest that actually you are not sorry!

Me too blueberry.

Have reported your post as i feel that is a personal attack and completely out of order. How dare you

OP - if you are happy with the situation then fine, but you are not, you posted on here. Id call your DP on it, ask to be more involed with this person, who may well be perfectly nice, if he can't do that, i'd be suspicious. But if there is nothing to hide then why can't you all be friends?

PLEASE leave my DP out of this, it has fuck all to do with this OP - totally out of order. I am incensed and very upset.

quite frankly i cannot believe it actually - had you bothered to read my posts on my other thread that my DP and I have talked, things are OK and we are working on our relationship. I have never EVER had reason not to trust my DP which is why i was posting what i did. Jesus christ, i have said nothing unkind to the OP, just pointing out that i woudlnt be comfortable, I just wouldn't. Maybe thats because im insecrue, but i cant imagine many people would be ok with their partner having a friendship with their ex that excludes them. A friendship with an ex that doesn't exclude them, well then, thats fine i guess. What you are doing is bloody unkind, but hey i hope you get a laugh from it

The thing is, if you overshare about your dh/dp/relationship you can't be surprised if other posters remember and refer o it, imo

But it is totally irrelevant to THIS thread, so you have showed yourself up to be a bit of a bitch actually.

And I haven't seen the thread you are referring to.

But this is about the op.

As I said, you sound lovely, sensible and very switched on. I'm sure it will be fine. You could also get a xmas pressie for her dd, and then you could use that as more of an excuse "I'd like to thank x for looking after you while I was away, I have a present for the dd, shall we go here, all together, so I can give it her myself"

I didn't mean to be a bitch. I felt you were stoking up the OP's needless insecurities which wasn't very helpful to her. I feel your own flawed and unhappy relationships colours the advice you give to others sometimes, and mostly I sit on my hands. In fact the number of times I have sat on my hands and resisted the temptation to type what I really think when I read your posts......... I think my history of restraint reassures ME if not you that I am definitely not a bitch. I don't say unkind things for the sake of it. But in my very honest opinion you were giving the OP very mad advice on this thread, telling her to get stroppy over a friendship which to me sounded platonic (and not that close anyway given that they haven't met up since July).

I hope reporting me makes you feel that order has been restored.

Well i clearly am not welcome here - so i'll do you a favour and look for support elsewhere.

Eh? Why? Look, I'm sure that there are things about my relationship that you wouldn't like. Horses for courses. I'm not being a bitch, far from it.

Ofgs don't be so drrrrrramatickkkk. This is somebody ELSE's thread anyway, you're not looking for support on this thread! so have a and take it easy.

B1ueberry, exactly.

LEM, don't be such a bloody drama queen! Jeez.

great minds.

Of course people can be friends with ex's lucyellenmum. One of my very best friends is an ex; we figured out we are way better friends than lovers and our friendship is pretty rock solid. So is my relationship with my amazing partner. Just because you can't, don't hold everyone to your standards!

I have an old flatmate. I see him about four times a year and we enjoy each other's company for a catch up, but we both know that we'd have nothing to say to each other if we saw each other every day. There are so many different types of friendships. My male friend and I both remember the same things from when we were young ! lol. youngER. my exes, if you put them together alongside another totally random group of men my eyes would be on the fresh flesh! :-p that was a joke a terribly crude joke.

Stuntgirl, that's what one of my friendships is like. We are good friends, and it was a long time ago.

Then again some of my exes I'd sooner beat to death with a spoon, horses for courses innit

pokes tongue out ata blame it and blueberry.

Not my thread, i apologise, but stand by my comment that this friendship would make me uncomfortable because he doesn't want to include the OP. he isnt being open. I wont say any more.

God, for every one I liked enough as a person to want to stay friends with, there are two who I would cross town to avoid.

just genuinely don't get it, and think that some posters are projecting their own experiences and insecurities onto the op's situation

Heaven forbid!! Use our own experiences in posts errrrr, blameit how many examples of your innocent friendships with males have you quoted?

Whatsmy, you did leave this rather important piece of information out of the original post I think he gets bored and basically his only two friends in London are her and his male friend who's abroad right now

If that's the case I would be introducing DP to friendly single people with DDs in tow, poor lamb.

Mayisout I don't know any! The only friends I have with kids his DD's age live an hour and a half away.

Sorry, didn't realise that bit was important. It only occurred to me as the thread progressed.

The difference is, may, I'm not projecting and suggesting that she don a hoody and spy on him.

Well, sorry, but you are projecting, you are projecting your take on relationships which is that everyone can have loads of friends of the opposite sex and not inform or include your DP and, that it is an example of other people's insecurity in their relationship with their DP that they cannot agree that that is how it should be, or wish to do the same!