sorry this could be long. i'm offloading and TBH feeling sorry for shitty self.
none of my relationships, with anyone last. even acquaintences (sp?). i dont have a good relationship with my parents or sister, we dont have good laughs when we get together. it's very uncomfortable when i'm there. i'm not friends with any of my (massive) extended family. i've only ever had one serious relationship that lasted 2 years. people i have been close to (friends) have either drifted away or i have distanced myself for one reason or another. i'm realising now that it's me that has a problem. they can't all be assholes. it's me. but i dont know why. and it's happening again with a person who once was my best friend. i am so lonely and i'm still finding reasons to not be as close to people. the problem is i can always justify it. why the fuck do i do this and how do i stop it? how do i overlook things that are hurtful in order to maintain friendship? should i even do that? doesn't that make me a pushover? do i either get to be a pushover or be lonely forever? i have one close friend who is the nicest person i've ever met and would never do anything to hurt anyone but i'm terrified that i will do something or take offence at something that isn't there IYSWIM. i am going to end up a lonely miserable person if i dont change. i just dont know how to change without becoming a doormat.
any advice greatly appreciated.
(sorry for being such a whinge)