Concerned about attempted silencing/derailing of issues (via hunting/mocking)

[Halfway]

I posted a thread in AIBU yesterday (perhaps foolishly), which thankfully did turn out to be very helpful, but also turned out to be extremely hurtful. And while overall, I gained a great deal of benefit/clarity/insight from it, I also spent a great deal of the day in tears and/or raging, and feeling generally crap about myself.

The post was about a friend, which led a lot of people to think I musn't be that emotionally invested, because it wasn't about me.

However, I was emotionally invested because I felt like I was watching my friend potentially walk into a very, very dangerous situation (which could end up in her hurt or even dead), and worse, I had the realisation that I could not stop her, but could only try to, and may very well fail.

In the context of that worry, these are the specific things I am complaining about:

a) sustained piss-taking/mocking (which not only humiliate/hurt me, but distracted and derailed the thread, with others jumping on board)

b) failure/refusal to stop the piss-taking/mocking when asked nicely to, and despite my making it clear that I was finding it painful

LET ME MAKE IT VERY CLEAR - I have nothing against genuine concerns, disagreements, and even disbelief of my thread, or specifics in my posts if these things are stated outright (not passive-aggressively buried in in-jokes), and if the posters simply make their position clear and report to MNHQ.

There is a valid need for this kind of watchdog activity, and I am in no way trying to stop that.

But the mocking, especially the sustained mocking by some posters, and 'ha ha' twisting of my dilemma into a funny joke conversation... well that hurt. That really hurt. And I've been seriously hurt in the past (raped, beaten to broken bones), so am no hand-wringing wallflower. It was triggering.

I think that behaviour is wrong, and I think it is going to hurt a lot more people other than me. Perhaps it is already hurting people who have severe issues of their own, and feel they cannot post because they will be laughed at.

Anyway, I'm concerned about it, deeply concerned, and still a bit disturbed myself (although much emotionally cooler).

I'm also not sure how this fits into "Relationships", so apologies if it seems weird here, but I seem to be inviting more suspicion by posting in AIBU, so here it is, and I'm grateful to anyone willing to listen.

Just musing that meta is an anagram of meat.

and mate.

And Etam. Whatever happened to that?

Etam is still available in France.

Didn't Etam become some other High Street name?
Like Chelsea Girl being River Island.

And "Am et"
[sorry emoticon]

Is River Island Chelsea Girl?

ZOMG, I never knew. What's C&A these days? New Look?

Tame.

These threads always end the same way.

Troll hunting is matched by sensible posters pointing out why troll hunters should just follow the rules. These people's are then accused of being trolls themselves. They're even accused of being 'Po'.

No, they are just pointing out facts ffs.

Hope you are ok Ed.x

And I don't know what the hell has happened to MNHQ. I think they don't know what the heck to do with this whole subject, so they think let's just let it argue itself out. But what about the rules and talk guidelines?

OP...I really feel for you, but you must realise that such an extreme posting would get varied reactions. I'm not condoning the actions of those you felt hurt you, but this is an anonymous, faceless forum, take a step back and look at the situation, the combination of an extreme post and your sensitivity from your background is not a good mix. You must see that your feelings are too close to the surface for this medium and subject? MN is huge and of course anonymous and therein lies it's appeal...I would not like to see it change; I'm sorry but you need to take some responsibility.

Thanks, QLB...I'm confused as feck tbh, and feeling really sad that anyone might have thought I'm a known troll

and I don't know why,

but anyway I'll get over it. I'm glad some people believe me! I think it must have been PM or FB stuff as there's no references to a 'Lesley' on here in the last ten days or so. I never bloody know what's going on

Ed, I'm fairly sure you're neither a pretend lesbian nor a Welsh pony.

Replying out of courtesy, Aufaniae, since others have already answered: you've pretty well hijacked this thread as a campaign against Mumsnet-style bullying. Unless Halfway specifically asked you to do so on her behalf, it suggests over-involvement. I thought you might be getting disproportionately upset. Your call, though.

Very versatile set of letters.

Really? River Island is Chelsea Girl in disguise? [hshock]

Ed, she namechanged from Lesley a long time ago. Zombie's just checked the last name she knew and it appears that hasn't been used in about 6 weeks.

Oh ok. I wasn't checking for her posts - just people talking about her iyswim.

I'm still none the wiser though I'm surprised I wasn't aware of her because I'm here such a lot. Anyway...thankyou

Lesley's been gone for ages. She came back as someone else a bit dull and ranty on the feminist boards for a bit, then disappeared/got banned for exceeding her quota of goady thread topics. I believe she's currently freaking people out on Facebook by being an international woman of mystery with about six profiles and a rumoured liaison with the woman who played Pat Butcher in EastEnders. But I don't know the details- I don't move in those circles.

It sounds quite funny when you put it like that Bof

I'm just trying to work out WHY I came across as someone like that iyswim? Maybe my posting style needs revision...

Yes. Nobody has told me what happened to C&A yet.

garlic there were numerous people last night against the OP. Aufaniae was almost a lone voice asking people to consider what they were posting.

How the fuck is that being over invested??

What about all the people who seemed to be on the thread all day yesterday attacking the OP? Don't you think you ought be telling them they might just be a little "over invested" too?

We had an Etam here, it was absolute shite!

I do recall though, some uber glam Russian supermodel is modelling their stuff so perhaps they're trying to edge their way back into the high street!

Wow, BOF, you've made Lesley sound far more interesting than I ever knew!

C&A became Hennes/H&M, I think.

Vile evil veil is a nice set of anagrams for Hallowe'en.