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Onwards and upwards we go, still sniggering at the sausage seeing the roll Dating thread 26

999 replies

lubeybooby · 29/10/2012 21:41

New one!

All dating related gumph here.

OP posts:
Yogagirl17 · 02/11/2012 19:10

Sorry Pixie Sad - thought you had another date lined up for tom night though?

Worley · 02/11/2012 19:10

pixie - men are prats really. he's not worth worth worrying about if he can't even do it face to face..
I'm off to the theatre with ds1 to watch a production of Mort. good job he likes things like that.. gets me out of the house :)

snapespeare · 02/11/2012 19:18

'Fwb' is a funny term, isn't it? Not interested in being friends once the benefits have disappeared. Therefore...what acquaintances with benefits? Either way he's a tosser.

I'm going to drink a load of wine, eat a pizza and look forwards to the 2nd part of Derren brown. :)

Mutual voldie fb friend posted 'loving the wrong person doesn't mean you're stupid. It was stupid of that person not to appreciate your love'.

I'm looking forwards to indifference and when horrible cheesy shit like that doesn't send needles under my feet. It will come.

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/11/2012 19:57

it will. promise.

am also waiting for derren. am hoping for some kind of twist...

ego boosted as have been asked out for a date. I shall not go, its clear hes still hung up on his ex thanks to okc questions... ( blessing in discuise those are) but still, hes pretty, so my ego is boosted. Ive had 9 messages on okc too. and30 ish on pof. had a really nice message from someone quite lovely who typically lives in dublin. but am happy to chat to him as hes really interesting and funny.

feeling a lot less down, which is probably due to a nap this afternoon, and a nice dinner. normal service is likely to resume tomorrow :)

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/11/2012 20:04

oh. and another date.

im just going to put this out there. Im not racist in any way shape or form, i have plenty of friends of all different origins, BUT - i have never dated any one who wasnt white/ british. I dont know why, its not intentional, just the way its been. This latest date is middle eastern, but has been in the uk for 20+ years. Im curious, he looks cute and is fab to chat to. Am i going to put my foot in anything cultural or anything though?

snapespeare · 02/11/2012 20:17

I absolutely believe it is the person not the race, that said, I've only ever even kissed one guy who was from a different racial background. (Although, The prof was mixed race, Anglo-Japanese...) DD has only ever dated guys from different racial backgrounds... Her first bf was Anglo-Egyptian and her lovely current bf is mixed race.

I wouldn't think you would put your foot in anything cultural... I would say that if there are any 'cultural' points (I am trying to put this delicately...) as in curious ideas about the 'place' of women, then you won't attempt to excuse those by merit of 'oh, it's 'cultural' when, 'no, no, it's not - it's misogynist...') anyway and until you get to know the chap better, you won't have any idea whether his cultural heritage has informed his opinion of women... And of course there are oh, huge amounts of Down-the-line 'pure' Hmm Brits who are absolute twats where women are concerned anyway....

(Do, do hope none of that is offensive. I am trying to be mindful)

bantamrooster · 02/11/2012 20:19

Yeah it's one of those things you think about when you fill out a profile - preferred racial origin. I've dated people who weren't british, but always white - american, french - even a welsh girl once.. :)

I couldn't say whether you'd put your foot into something cultural - there are stereotypes of course about gender equality, and it may be a problem with meeting his family if things got that far. Personally I prefer someone from the same background as me purely due to the fact that the more you have in common with someone in terms of cultural background, the better you can understand them (quoting only fools and horses, or jokes about the french etc) - and while things can of course work outside that I think it may just be a few more hurdles to jump.

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/11/2012 20:26

no, i was trying to be mindful posting too as i didnt want to come across awful or as somethng im not.
because im not in any way racist, just have no experience....

i know exactly what you mean, his okc profile doesnt seem to point in any bad difection and hes athiest it seems. also believes in science. cant see any red flags or ' women should walk 15 paces behind a man' type shit. and cultural or not, things like that are never going to work for me personally.

hes been in the uk since he was 15 ish, so, quite a long time and more than half his life...... i dont make jokes againist the french, or anyother countries, andi dont quite only fools, but i get what you mean.

he seems nice. and very cool. we shall see, as in all cases, its always likey to go wrong before the actual date anyway.

bantamrooster · 02/11/2012 20:34

That reminds me of a joke I heard about when Kate Adie went back to Afghanistan to report a year after the Taliban were first removed from power.

The most striking thing she noted was that the local women, who had been walking 10 paces behind the men, were now actually walking 10 paces in front of them.

She spoke to one of them and asked if the change in attitudes had been so great that women were now seen as superior?

'No,' answered the woman, 'it's the landmines'

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/11/2012 20:36

:( i dont find that funny, sorry.

i actually find it incrediably sad. My ex husband has spent a lot of time out there, and from him, and my other friends, the stories that come back are shocking. and sad. and horriffic. and i just cant laugh at the oppression of women.

sorry.

moonfacebaby · 02/11/2012 20:39

Hello all - I know somewhere on this thread it was mentioned that there are "scams" or just dodgy looking requests for chat. Think I may have got one - very handsome man & a really long message about looking for love....it just read as being the kind of thing that us women folk are supposed to go ga-ga for (unless you're a hardened cynic like myself).

What are the obvious pointers? Bring new to this OD lark as I am!

moonfacebaby · 02/11/2012 20:39

Sorry to hijack all the serious stuff!

snapespeare · 02/11/2012 20:52

Oh bant........

lubeybooby · 02/11/2012 20:54

Moonface it sounds like it! That tends to be their m.o

OP posts:
snapespeare · 02/11/2012 20:55

Hello moon :)

I think a bit of 'too-good-to-be-true' coupled with babel fish translations is generally a good indicator. If you think something looks a bit dodgy, then do share. We're all hardened cynics too. :)

AndLibbyMakesThree · 02/11/2012 20:55

Is this a really bad idea?

Earlier this year I posted about Mr Coffee (very unoriginal name, sorry) who I had several dates with. We got on well but I decided I didn't fancy him.

Anyway, we hadn't had any contact since May, but I kept thinking about him - and finally sent him an email. And we're going to meet up for coffee.

I'm wondering if I'm being stupid - if I didn't fancy him then, I guess I won't now. BUT I was going through a bad time back then (still living with my ex, among other things) and I'm wondering if that affected things. And for some reason I couldn't get Mr Coffee out of my mind.

I don't really know why I'm posting except I don't have anyone IRL to talk to about these things.

lubeybooby · 02/11/2012 21:15

Hmmm libby. I dunno. I sort of did the same thing once, didn't fancy them but then thought 'aww but they were so nice and made me laugh' and had another date a few months later when I'd forgotten how much he looked like Andrew Lloyd Webber and then I had a nightmare getting rid of him after that.

Obviously Mr Coffee could be totally different though and not a nightmare so that's a bit of a pointless anecdote :o

OP posts:
questions2008 · 02/11/2012 21:20

hello! loooong time lurker here (since thread 17), posted maybe twice but not really able to keep up with you all lovely and wise ladies (and man!)...

but anyway, just wanted to chip in for watch as i'm from a middle-eastern background but grew up here. although i get how it can be easier and sometimes you're just more attracted to someone from the same racial background, I generally skip past the middle eastern men on dating sites myself!

i guess that is based on a sweeping generalisation but i've never met someone who for example would be happy to admit they are atheist (i am - just don't do religion myself, have nothing against the idea for others though :)) and of course there's the inbred misogynistic view of the world ;). but then here i am, so it's possible we are few and far in between!

if you say this guy seems cool whilst chatting and has spent many years living here then it's quite possible that there won't be any cultural issues for you to put your foot in, so to speak - you would expect him to share your cultural values and norms which come would from someone who is well-adjusted in their life/community.

i have been out with guys who have moved over here for work/study and been here for 5-10 yrs, but it doesn't work out because we don't get each other. yet i've been out with guys who come from the same place originally but grew up here and we do get each other. i guess it's a more complicated way of saying what bantam said, that having the same background makes things easier, but a shared background is not limited by racial boundaries.

not sure where i'm going here tbh or if i'm making any sense, just saying that if he can get you, you get him etc then you should treat him as you would any other guy you'd like to talk to without worrying about if you'll put your foot in it...at least that's how i'd like to be treated by any potential chatter-uppers!

erm, yeah!

AndLibbyMakesThree · 02/11/2012 21:25

Haha, my ex has a friend who looks like Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Oh well, I guess I'll have more idea by the end of tomorrow. If there's no physical attraction, I guess we'll be friends or nothing.

I'll report back tomorrow...

moonfacebaby · 02/11/2012 21:40

Right - have a laugh at this scam -

"I just have to compliment you on your pretty photo & profile"

"Well am Collins Vladimir"

"please give this conversation a chance & I will be glad to relocate" !!!!!!!!!

Coupled with very obvious model photo.......god, it's made me giggle.......I am waiting for the rest of the bollocks. It's made my Friday night far more entertaining than it was....

WhatDoesTheDogSay · 02/11/2012 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lubeybooby · 02/11/2012 21:47

Yep, scam!

I know you know and could tell anyway, but like the Nigerian email scammers, they often get surnames and first names mixed up. EG Mr Smith Mark instead of Mark Smith

Collins Vladimir. lmao

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 02/11/2012 22:12

Hi Dog - I'm in the same position re my ex, no contact with children due to dv and he doesn't know where we live either although he knows the general area. I did worry at first in case he saw me, then I thought well, so what if he does? Nothing's going to happen, he won't be able to track me down off some profile, so I went for it. And ... Nothing did happen.

Go for it and good luck. I've had a lot of confidence restored by doing OD and have found it (mainly) good fun and a bit of a buzz.

bantamrooster · 02/11/2012 22:28

Hi Dog - well all I can say is that if you don't have a photo, people tend to skim over your profile to the ones that do. So I'd head for a site where you can choose who to show your photo to - matchaffinity or something like that. That way there's no way anyone can recognise you, and you can show it to people you like the look of.

The downside of those sites is there don't seem to be a huge number of people using them, so there's less choice..

Catrin · 02/11/2012 22:57

Looooong time lurker jumping out to say Watch - go for the Middle Eastern man - ex of mine was from there and was just lovely.

I keep lingering on OD sites, but cannot somehow get the urge to do anything about it. I want a bloke to stop me in the middle of Foyles and go "I love that book too..." and then our eyes meet ... Am too much of a Luddite to do this nonsense via TECHNOLOGY of all things. Ugh.